


To Which Fate Binds You

by Somniare



Series: To Which Fate Binds You [1]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awakenings - Freeform, Community: lewis_challenge, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Yet another post-S7 fic, canon-compliant to the end of series 7, immediately post-series 7, relationships, tiny spoilers for ‘Intelligent Design’
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 44,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniare/pseuds/Somniare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Were you and James... did the two of you ever... have you ever kissed James?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart._ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
> 
> Written for the lewis_challenge Summer Challenge 2013 on Livejournal
> 
> The first dialogue is a direct quote from Intelligent Design.
> 
> Beta by the lovely wendymr, whose honest constructive criticism saved me from falling into a trap or two. Thank you so much. 
> 
> Brit-pick by dear Barcardivodka.
> 
> The story was tweaked a bit afterwards and all remaining goofs, fluffs and errors are all mine.
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own them, just playing, promise to put them back safely.

 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Robbie dropped James at his flat, relieved that he’d convinced him not to submit his resignation immediately.  He watched him walk up the short flight of stairs to the main door, his back a little straighter than it had been that afternoon.  As he made his way to Laura’s, his mind wandered back over their conversation.  
  
***  
  
James looked a little uncertain.  “I hope you don’t feel it’s been a waste, being my boss... training me up.  Because I’ve appreciated it.”  
  
Daft lad, Robbie thought fondly.  “It wasn’t a waste.  It was a pleasure.”  
  
“Thank you, sir.”  
  
“You’re all right.  And it’s Robbie.”  
  
“Thank you, Robbie.”  James’s smile and willingness to remain in touch gave Robbie some comfort, though not enough to completely quell his concern for the lad.  
  
The sun set slowly as they finished their first drink.  The comfortable silence between them should have brought a little solace but, triggered by James’s proposed resignation, Robbie kept turning the events of the past days and weeks over in his head.  James rose without a word and got the second round in.  
  
Robbie took a large mouthful and carefully placed the glass on the table.  
  
“I owe you an apology, James.  I’ve let you down.”  
  
Whenever James tilted his head to one side, Robbie usually waited for the smart-arse comment, or the look that said, “oh, do continue, this’ll be interesting”.  Right at that moment, however, James simply looked like a confused puppy.  
  
“Lately... I’ve not been there for you like I should have, like any half-decent governor would’ve been.  I let meself get... distracted.  I’ve no good excuse for letting you deal with, well, with everything that’s hit you recently, by yourself.  And now you’re talking of leaving.  I have to wonder, if I’d not...  if I’d paid more attention, would things be different?”  
  
James now stared at him, the confusion swept away.  Robbie sensed he was now waiting for a... the only word Robbie could bring to mind was ‘confession’.  
  
“For what little it’s worth, when you went away to Kosovo, I was suddenly, shockingly, lonely.  The emptiness I’d felt after Mark and Lyn went in their separate directions and left me completely on me own came rushing back.  It made me think of how much my time with you would be cut down once I eventually retired, and I knew I couldn’t face that day-in, day-out loneliness again.  I knew I was ready to move on, and Laura had been so patient.  It seemed like the right decision – for both of us.”   He sighed out a deep breath.  
  
James now stared into the depths of his drink.  At least, Robbie thought he was staring.  He could have had his eyes closed – in anger, or grief, or disbelief – he could have been praying, for all Robbie could tell.  When James spoke, his voice was soft, kind, almost hopeful.  
  
“If I'd suddenly found myself in the arms of someone I cared about, with the promise of companionship and... intimacy, I think I'd've become focused on that person as well, purely from being overwhelmed by sensation.”  
  
There was no snark, no accusation in James's tone.  It felt like James was confessing to him, but that made no sense to Robbie.  What did matter was the smile James gave him as he looked up, a smile that said that all that was in the past and they should try to move forward.  Robbie had to assume that James still saw the good in him, despite his neglect.  
  
By a not-so-silent agreement of growling stomaches and chilled extremities, they moved inside in search of warmth and food.  Robbie was aware Laura was expecting him for dinner, and he was going to be late, but he was reluctant to leave James at that point.  Nor was he prepared to force himself to eat a second time.  He hoped Laura wouldn’t be too upset with him.  
  
“So, James.”  Robbie broke the silence when he was halfway through his pie.  “What do you think you’ll do while Oxford’s villains continue to run amok?”  
  
James’s fork froze in front of his opened mouth.  “I, um...  I haven’t... I don’t exactly know, s– Robbie.”  
  
Robbie’s gut knotted.  It had been a difficult time for both of them when James had gone through a bout of ‘existential flu’ a year or so earlier.  Robbie felt the last thing James needed right now was idle time to brood.  Well aware of James’s stubborn streak, Robbie tried to keep his voice as casual as possible.   “If you don’t know what you’re going to do, why don’t you hang on a bit longer, at least until you’ve got some idea.  Idle hands an’ all that.”  
  
James turned his head slowly and stared at him, looking slightly confused.   “Hang on with... who?  Peterson?”  
  
“Me.”  
  
“But... you’re retiring.”  
  
“I’m planning to.  Beyond checking my pension forecast I haven’t done anything about it, though.  Not yet.”  
  
“What about the lovely Dr Hobson?”  James tilted his head, a mischievous smile touching his lips this time.   “Isn’t she looking forward to having you home every night?”  
  
Robbie exhaled slowly.  “To tell you the truth, I’m not a hundred percent sure I’m ready to be a stay-at-home – whatever I’d be.  She asked us if I’d I have dinner on the table every night.”  
  
James snorted softly and grinned.  “One roast chicken and she’s tying you to the kitchen.”  
  
Robbie pulled a face at James’s observation.  “Now that you put it that way...”  He shuddered.  “Thing is, according to the pension boffins, I’ll be in a much better position if I hang on for at least another six months.  So, will you stay on with me?  Let me retire without the stress of teaching someone else how I like me tea and coffee?”  
  
James’s smile faded slowly and a sadness crept into his eyes.  “It’s a tempting offer, but... I really don’t think I can do it anymore.  I need a change.  Something... needs to change.”  
  
“What if you weren’t investigating murders and such?” Robbie blurted out.  He wasn’t ready to let James go.  “What if Innocent could find something else for you to do, give you the change you need?  If only until you work out what you want to do.”  
  
“Is that even remotely possible?”  James’s tone was slightly dismissive, but for a moment Robbie saw – wanted to believe he saw – a glimmer of hope.  
  
Robbie leant forward to conceal his sagging shoulders.  “I don’t know but, as your Governor I can ask – if you’d like me to.”  
  
James frowned in concentration, his eyes boring into Robbie.  “I’ll give you one week,” he said finally.  “But no promises.”  
  
Robbie nodded.  He couldn’t ask for anything more.  
  
***  
  
Robbie pulled up outside Laura’s and sat quietly, staring at the front door.  He found himself wondering what James was doing now.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Penny for your thoughts, Robbie?”  He looked up slowly as Laura refilled his glass.  He couldn’t read her expression and it bothered him.  He could always read James – well, nearly always.  No matter how expressionless he appeared to others, there was usually something that gave him away to Robbie – and him to James.  Val had always had a good idea what was going on in his head, too.  She wouldn’t have asked him that.  Instead, she would have waited, knowing he’d open up eventually.  
  
 _It’s familiarity.  I had long years with Val, and years of being by James’s side, day in and day out.  It’ll happen with Laura eventually.  We’ve know each other a long time, we just need more time together,_ Robbie comforted himself.  
  
“Come on.”  Laura gently prompted him.  “I know something’s going on – you were two hours late, you’ve only picked at your food, and you’ve hardly said a word since you came in.”  At first, Robbie had thought her slight frown was one of annoyance but now realised it was concern.  He wasn’t surprised, as he’d offered no explanation beyond saying he’d been caught up with James.  
  
Robbie drank down half of his wine in one slow swallow.   “James told me he’s thinking of resigning.  I couldn’t just leave him.”  
  
“Why?  Because you’re going to retire?” she asked curiously.  Laura sat with both elbows on the table, her chin resting in one palm, as she played with her wine glass, slowly spinning it on the table.  
  
“I think that’s a wee part of it, but he’s been struggling for weeks.”  
  
“That’s not surprising given your past few cases, and his own near-miss.  Did he ever talk to anyone about that?”  She frowned when Robbie shook his head.  “We, you and me being together, that hasn’t added to it, has it?  I know you two don’t ‘talk’, but you’ve always been there for him, a shoulder to lean on when he needed it, and you haven’t been spending as much time together as you used to.”  
  
“No.”  Robbie spoke confidently, although he wasn’t entirely sure his relationship with Laura hadn’t had some impact on James’s motivation to resign, despite his professed understanding of what had happened.  However, as James had never stated it outright, it seemed pointless to speculate.  “He’s lost, or is rapidly losing, whatever love he had for the job.”  
  
Laura sat back in her chair, her face thoughtful.  “What will he do?”  
  
“Don’t know.”  
  
“What?” she exclaimed softly.  “You didn’t ask him?”  
  
He sighed gently.  “I did ask.  He doesn’t know.”  
  
“Oh.”  Laura sipped her wine.  “Did he give you any idea of when he was thinking of going?”  
  
“It’s not decided yet.”  Robbie suddenly wasn’t willing to tell her anything further and he wasn’t sure what bothered him more – his reluctance to tell her, or the fact he felt no guilt in keeping the information to himself.  
  
  
  
They moved into the living room and settled down on the couch.  
  
“Robbie?”  Laura snuggled in closer, nestling her head between his cheek and collarbone, as Debussy played softly in the background.  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“You and James.  You're close?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied quietly.  
  
“How close?”  
  
“He's me best mate.  You know that.”  
  
“Yes, but _how_ close?”  
  
Robbie hesitated.  “'Best mates' close.  You know how it is.”  
  
Laura sat up and looked carefully at Robbie.  
  
“Has anything ever happened between you and James?”  
  
Robbie looked at her, unsure of what she was asking.  “Like what?”  He raised his glass to his lips and took a slow mouthful, watching her over the rim.  
  
“Were you and James... did the two of you ever... have you ever kissed James?”  
  
Robbie inhaled sharply and choked on his wine.  Laura moved quickly, grabbing the glass and helping Robbie through the coughing fit that followed.  
  
“What kind of daft question was that?” Robbie eventually managed to gasp.  
  
“I’m sorry, Robbie, I didn’t mean...  I’ve seen a lot of teams over the years, and you and James...  you have something rare and special.”  She paused, pressing her lips together.  “I’m not the only one who’s wondered over the years if there wasn’t something... more.”  
  
“I was married over twenty years, Laura, to Val, to a woman.  I’m here with you, now.  I like women, Laura.  James is...”  Robbie sighed.  “What James is, is his business an’ no-one else’s.  To answer your question, as daft as it is, no, I’ve never kissed James, and, to put your mind at rest, the thought had never crossed my mind.”  
  
Laura studied his face intently, and Robbie forced himself not to wriggle under the intensity of her gaze.  With a soft huff, she settled back down and started to nuzzle at his neck.  Instead of feeling aroused, Robbie had to resist the urge to push her away.  Suddenly exhausted, he wanted to go home to his own bed, however, the bottle and half of wine he and Laura had drunk, on top of the beers with James, put paid to that idea.  
  
“Laura, love, I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I’ve drunk more than I should’ve.  I’ve got to meet with Innocent in the morning and...”  
  
“You’d like to go to bed now,” she murmured, her lips moving up his neck towards his jaw line.  
  
Robbie closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  “I think I’d like to go to sleep,” he mumbled.  
  
“You want to go to sleep?”  
  
Robbie felt something prickle at the back of his neck.  Her tone made him feel as though he’d just done something exceptionally thoughtless.  _Ah, hell._   He exhaled slowly.  It wasn’t her fault.  He was probably being oversensitive, his worry about James affecting him more than he was willing to admit to himself.  
  
He stroked her cheek.  “Aye, I do.  I’m really tired, love.”  He also wanted to think.   
  
Laura kissed him, gathered up the empty glasses, and walked slowly into the kitchen.  “You’d better get yourself upstairs then,” she called back over her shoulder.  
  
Robbie sighed.  He didn’t mind that Laura often liked to be the one calling the shots.  After eleven years of being on his own, he’d found it a relief to not automatically be expected to be in control, or make the final decision.  However, now that he had started to think about it, he hadn’t always been on his own, had he?  James had been involved in many of the personal decisions he’d made, particularly over the past six or so years, both large and small.  Whenever he’d needed to work through something, he’d always talked to James – until the day he hadn’t been there and Laura had.  He’d taken it for granted that James would always be there.   
  
Robbie tipped his head back until he was staring at the ceiling, and pushed his breath out slowly.  One question from Laura had raised a dozen or more in his head.  He’d been truthful when he told Laura he’d never thought of kissing James – James was a bloke, and Robbie liked women, pure and simple – but _damn it_ , his mind was heading that way now.  
  
When he closed his eyes, he could see James’s face before him, a face as familiar to him as his own.  James could be an irritating sod, too clever for his own good, and cheekier than a bagman should be, and Robbie wouldn’t have him any other way.  He was forced to admit to himself that he cared deeply about James, and for him.  He thought of all the times they’d spent together: meals down the pub, their easy banter, teasing each other, working late into the night, James falling asleep against his shoulder, spending the night on his couch, making him breakfast in the morning.  He wondered, if James had been a woman, would he have thought about kissing him – and perhaps more – long before now?  
  
With a grunt of annoyance at himself, Robbie concluded that his own tiredness and worry for James’s immediate future were clouding his judgement.  A solid night’s sleep with Laura in his arms would surely restore his balance.  Robbie pushed himself to his feet.  
  
 _Things will be clearer in the morning_ , he decided, following Laura up the stairs.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Robbie?  I was expecting James.”  Innocent folded her hands on the desk in front of her.  
  
“I know, ma’am.  I’m here on his behalf, with his knowledge and permission.  James is talking about resigning.”  With her full attention focused on him, Robbie told her everything he and James had discussed.   
  
Innocent sat quietly as Robbie finished, staring off at a point over Robbie’s shoulder.  With a sigh, she sat back slowly, turning her eyes to Robbie.  “I’m not sure what I can reasonably achieve in such a short time frame.  Do you think you can you get him to agree to more than one week?”  
  
“I don’t think so, ma’am, I wasn’t even sure I’d get him to consider staying on at all.  He’s adamant he needs a change.”  
  
Fingers moving confidently over the keyboard, Innocent quickly retrieved the relevant electronic rosters and studied them carefully.  
  
She exhaled heavily through her nose.  “We have nearly a full complement at the moment, so what I can do is have you both taken off the rotation for the next fortnight, at least.  See if that will encourage James to give us a little more breathing space until I’ve exhausted all options.  I’m not going to lose both of you without a fight.”  
  
“I’ll let James know.  Thank you, ma’am.”  He pushed his hands against the arms of the chair and started to rise.  
  
“Robbie, what are your plans?”  She pointed at her monitor.  “According to this, you still haven’t advised HR of a retirement date.”  
  
“Because I haven’t decided on one yet, ma’am.  For now, I’ll wait and see if something comes up, and then what James chooses to do.  If he decides to stay on, I’d like stay on with him for a bit, if it’s possible, or at least I’m told I have to retire.”  
  
“And if James goes ahead and resigns?”  
  
“I’ll make a decision when that happens.”  
  
She dismissed him with a wistful smile.

 

**********

 

Robbie and James looked at each other questioningly when they were summoned to Innocent’s office two days later.  
  
She came straight to the point.  “Would you both consider a training post?  It would primarily be Community Education to begin with, until the Director can assess where you’d be best suited.  You each have unique skills that would be of great benefit to new officers coming through, and out in the community.”  
  
Robbie had a sense of déjà vu as his first meeting with Innocent replayed itself in a flash.  
  
James and Robbie looked at each other, then back to her.  
  
“A training post?” Robbie queried.  
  
“I believe I used those words, Lewis.”   
  
“Both of us?”  
  
“Yes.”  Her eyes twinkled as she bit back her smile.  “Is there something about your hearing you haven’t told me, Lewis?”  James snorted softly.  Robbie shook his head, realising too late he should have known that Innocent would try to find something to keep them together.  
  
She leant forward, hands clasped together on the desk as she appraised them carefully.  “With the Community Education role you’d be required to speak to schools and various private and community groups about the role of both the regular Police Force and Community Police Support Officers, and you would also lecture at the training centre about the community and an officer’s responsibilities to that community.  Once your assessment is complete you’d still be expected to fulfil a quota of community engagements.  If you accept it, the appointment is for a period of twelve months; however, either you or the training centre can terminate the arrangement with a minimum of two weeks’ notice.”   
  
Robbie looked to James, who had also sat forward, elbows digging into his knees, hands clasped in front of his mouth.  His brow was lightly creased in thought.  
  
“I could do that.”  James sat up straight and blinked slowly.  “Actually…”  He looked at Robbie in surprise.  “I think I might enjoy that.”  He turned back to Innocent.  “Thank you, ma’am, I won’t disappoint you.”  
  
“You’d better not, Hathaway.  I’ve called in quite a number of favours on this.”  The relaxed droop of her shoulders belied the gravity in her voice.  “Robbie, you’re quiet.”  
  
Robbie hadn’t been able to take his eyes off James.  He was staying, and they’d still be together.  Robbie didn’t know who he wanted to hug more – Innocent or James.  He looked at Innocent, positive his delight was clear on his face.  “Thank you, ma’am.”

 

**********

 

For the first time in their careers they were working a standard five day week.  They’d lost their office at the station, but had been assigned adjoining desks in a large office they shared with three others.  In addition, they were each allocated a secure storage locker in the changing rooms.  Robbie had been amused when James replaced the small combination lock provided with a very sturdy padlock, but he didn’t ask him about it.  He was aware James had kept a locked drawer in their old office, and he didn’t need to know everything about his sergeant.  Except James wasn’t _his_ sergeant any longer.  Both he and James now independently reported directly to the Deputy Director, Superintendent Wells, for day to day matters connected to their new positions.  For everything else, they were still required to report to Innocent.  
  
Because they had different timetables, and many of their early commitments took them outside the centre, they saw far less of each other during the day than they were accustomed to.  A couple of times a week they were in the office at the same time, and they met up for lunch whenever their schedules allowed.  Occasionally one or the other would have to attend an evening event, but for the most part they enjoyed regular sleep, regular meals, and spending as much time together as Robbie’s commitment to Laura would allow – which, given her workload, was considerable.  
  
They fell into an easy and comfortable routine, and Robbie took great care to ensure he was aware of how James was feeling.  Days without violent death, grief, anger, or belligerent and recalcitrant interviewees exposed a happier side to James, and it wasn’t unusual to hear him whistling or humming to himself.  His increased tendency to smile – genuinely smile – for no immediately apparent reason sparked several rumours about girlfriends, boyfriends, and lottery wins, all of which James had quietly ignored.  
  
“Honestly,” he’d remarked to Robbie over a pint one afternoon, “do they seriously think I’d still be here if I had millions of pounds in the bank?” 


	4. Chapter 4

When the lease on Robbie’s flat came up for renewal a couple of months later, he finally decided to give it up and move in with Laura; she’d asked him to consider it a couple of times since he’d moved over to the training centre.  
  
“You have to agree it makes sense, Robbie.”  Laura had curled up against his side on the couch.  “I realise we’ve only been ‘together together’ a few months, but we’ve known each other for years.  It’s not as though we’re flighty twenty-somethings in a whirlwind romance.”  
  
“No, we’re not.”  Robbie, his cheek pressed against her head, had replied slowly, giving himself time to think his response through.  “And it does make sense.  But it’ll be a big change for both of us, so it’s not a decision to be rushed, either.”  
  
Laura had mentioned it a couple of times after they initially talked, but she’d never pressed Robbie for a commitment.  Robbie had admired her patience with him.  He’d told Lyn he was considering the move and had soon come to regret it, as she’d asked him at least once a week if he’d made his mind up.  
  
“Honestly, dad, the only thing worse than not getting the answer you wanted is the waiting to get any answer at all.  I know it’s a big decision, but really, it’s not that hard.”  
  
“I know, love, but I just want to be sure it’s the best move for both of us.  It’s not as though we’re planning on getting married anytime soon.”  
  
“Dad.”  The frown in her voice was unmistakeable.  “You are _not_ that old-fashioned.”  


He’d cringed.  She was right.

 

**********

 

When the time came for the move, there had been no room, or need, for any of Robbie’s furniture, which didn’t bother him – none of it had any meaning to him beyond being practical.  Those items that did have any sentimental value were already in a storage unit, having been packed away when he had sold the family home.  While James had cheekily asked for a few items, which Robbie had been delighted to give him, most of his furniture and household goods had ultimately gone to charity.  However, once the move was completed, Robbie began to have doubts almost immediately.  His feelings of disquiet weren’t helped when Laura made it clear after the end of the second week that Monty wasn’t entirely welcome.  
  
“I like most animals, Robbie – but I don’t like having a cat in the house.  Nor do I like the idea of him roaming outside, either.  I get a lot of birds and hedgehogs in my garden and I like to think it’s a safe place for them.  I thought once he was here I might feel differently, become used to him being around.  I’m sorry.”  
  
He’d quietly been afraid that might be her reaction.  He’d noticed that, whenever she’d been at his flat, Laura actively minimised her contact with Monty, ignoring him, which, of course, only made her more attractive to the curious feline.  He’d wondered why she’d said nothing when he’d joked that he’d need some heavy duty gloves to get Monty into the pet carrier.  Now he understood she’d been prepared to try to overcome her own uncertainty about Monty.  
  
“Is it the litter tray, his fur?”  Robbie knew she wasn’t allergic and was curious to know the reason for her discomfort.  “I know he sheds a bit, but that’s easily taken care of, and the litter tray’s no bother – you never have to touch it.”  
  
Laura looked at him apologetically.  “It’s partly the fur.”  She pointedly picked stray hairs off the lapel of his jacket.  “But it’s mainly...  I don’t trust them, Robbie, I never have.  It’s as simple – and you may think as silly – as that.”  
  
He hadn’t thought it silly, and told her so.  His gran had refused to have a cat in the house, labelling them ‘sinister’.   Robbie had eventually asked James if there was any chance he could look after Monty, at least until he was able to make other arrangements..  Though Robbie had only taken Monty in temporarily, he’d grown fond of his company, having ‘forgotten’ to hand him over to animal welfare at the end of the Black case.  Thankfully, James had also become accustomed to Monty’s presence – if not quite as attached – and willingly took him in.

 

**********

 

Robbie accepted Laura’s not-so-subtle hint from months earlier as a personal challenge, and resolved to have a meal of some description ready most nights.  He found he enjoyed the experience, and James had stepped in to help him out by showing him some easily prepared recipes, as well as some more complex dishes he could prepare for the slow-cooker.  
  
Initially, Laura would ring to say if she was running later than expected.  When that happened, Robbie would either eat by himself or, if Laura was able to give him a time she expected to be home by, he’d spend the early part of the evening with James, and be home in time to eat with Laura.  After the first month, many missed meals, and a lack of freezer space for more leftovers, they agreed that perhaps it would be better if Robbie cooked a large meal only on those days when Laura knew she would definitely be home, or if James would be over for dinner.  More often than not Robbie found himself meeting James at the pub or his flat for a takeaway.  To Robbie’s growing frustration, James always had a perfectly valid excuse not to eat at Laura’s, unless he knew Laura would be there.  It wasn’t what Robbie had envisioned when he first moved in.  
  
“It’s ridiculous, James,” he’d grumbled over a curry at James’s one night.  “We’re supposed to see more of each other, not less.  Laura and I are lucky if we have half a dozen meals together over the course of a week, and that’s including breakfast.”  
  
James had studied him quietly over the top of his beer.  “Is that more or less than you managed when you lived separately?”  
  
“Well... it’s more, but I’d hoped...”  James had frozen him with a look.  “Right.  Fine.  Smart-arse,” Robbie had muttered.  
  
“Look on the bright side.”  James had grinned.  “At least you get to see Monty frequently.  And I appreciate the company, too.”

 

**********

 

Because of her job and the irregular hours, Laura had for many years engaged a cleaner once a week and a gardener once a fortnight.  A fortnight after Robbie moved in, she cancelled the gardener, telling Robbie the following morning after one of their rare breakfasts together.  
  
“It does make sense now that you’re living here, and your weekends are relatively free,” she’d replied with a smile when he asked why.  “And when you do eventually retire you’ll be able to make it your own, change things around if you want, rather than just maintaining what’s there.”  
  
He hadn’t been too bothered by the prospect of taking on the garden – it wasn’t low maintenance, but it wasn’t going to break his back, either – and he had expected it to become his responsibility eventually.  However, what had concerned him was the fact that Laura hadn’t included him in her decision.  That wasn’t like her at all.  
  
Robbie had wanted to raise the issue, to find out why Laura hadn’t, at the very least, told him what she was planning before she acted on it, but there wasn’t time before she left for work.  Then, when she didn’t arrived home until after eleven that evening, exhausted after dealing with a double road fatality, he’d let it go, determined to find another time, hopefully before Laura made any further decisions that impacted on them – like letting the cleaner go.  The garden was one thing, but Robbie had vacuumed stairs in the past and really didn’t want to tackle that again.  
  
He told James about it the next day when they met up for lunch.  James listened quietly and didn’t respond immediately.   
  
“I’ve lived by myself since I was eighteen,” he said softly.  “If I were in Dr Hobson’s shoes I may have done the same thing.”  
  
“But you would have at least asked or let me know first, wouldn’t you?  Mentioned you were thinking about it at some point?”  Robbie watched his reaction closely.  
  
James frowned.  “I don’t...  Yes, probably, I suppose I would have.  It’s not something I’ve really had to consider before.”  He looked curiously at Robbie.  “That doesn’t sound like Dr Hobson.  Are you positive you’ve never discussed the gardener before?  Never given her the idea that you wanted to take the garden on?”  
  
Robbie frowned.  “We’ve talked over quite a few things, a lot of it over a bottle of wine… on the couch in front of the telly.  Well, mostly I’ve listened… or at least mostly listened… and said me piece when I thought I needed to – you know me.”  He shrugged, and two spots of colour appeared high on his cheeks.  “I’d be lying if I said I remembered all of it.”  
  
“Perhaps she’s misinterpreted something you said,” James offered.  “Maybe, at some point, you gave her the impression _you_ thought she didn’t need the gardener any longer.”   
  
Robbie puffed out his cheeks.  James was making a lot of sense.  “I wish I’d told you yesterday,” he huffed.  “Might have spared meself some grief.  Clearly age doesn’t always bring wisdom.”  
  
“She does know you’ve put your name down again for an allotment, doesn’t she?”  James watched him closely.  
  
Robbie roughly rubbed the back of his neck.  “Not really.”  
  
James tutted.  “Now who’s guilty of not including the other in their decisions?”  
  
“I know.”  Robbie slumped back in the chair.  “I should have said something, but I figured if my name came to the top of the list and Laura didn’t want me to take it on, I could decline the offer and forget about it.  No-one would really lose anything at the end of the day.”  He glanced at James.  “Looks like I’ve got a few things to sort out, eh?”  
  
“You’re okay, though, aren’t you?  You and Laura.”  James looked concerned.  
  
“Aye, we’re fine.”  Robbie looked closely at James.  “Why d’you ask?  Are you worried?”  
  
“No.  Not really.  It’s...  I wouldn’t like to see you unhappy.”  A slow grin crossed James’s face.  “You’re impossible to talk to when you’re grumpy.”  
  
***  
  
That night, Robbie waited up for Laura to come home.  He’d tried to remember if they’d talked about the garden and the gardener.  He couldn’t recall anything definite, but nor could he have said they’d never discussed it.  He was cross that he may have unfairly judged Laura and wanted to set things to right.  
  
“Robbie?”  
  
He’d been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t heard the door.  “Hello, love.”  
  
She toed off her shoes and curled up on the couch beside him.  “It’s not often you wait up this late for me.  To what do I owe the pleasure?”  She snuggled against him as he pulled her into a hug.  
  
“I think I’ve been a bit silly, love.”  
  
She sat back and looked at him curiously as he started talking.  
  
***  
  
Robbie and Laura agreed that from now on they’d switch off the telly when they started talking about their future plans, including anything to do with the house.  
  
Robbie learnt that they _had_ discussed the garden, and Laura had indeed been under the impression they’d agreed to let the gardener go.  She was in the practice of scribbling notes down during discussions – it was a habit of a lifetime – and had produced one note which clearly stated ‘gardener not required’, though she had to admit that there was no indication of when that was to happen, nor could she remember the conversation in great detail.  
  
“I’m sorry, Robbie, I should have double checked with you before I did anything.  I’ll contact him tomorrow and see if he can take us back on.”  
  
“I’m sorry, too, Laura – there’s something else you should know.”  
  
After telling Laura about his allotment hopes, and that he already had his name down on the list, he sheepishly accepted her good-natured scolding.  “Honestly, Robbie, my intuition’s good, but not quite that good.”  She’d kissed him tenderly.


	5. Chapter 5

After a few early hiccups, Robbie and Laura gradually appeared to settle into life together.  They’d reached a compromise about the gardener: Robbie would do the basic work such as watering, light weeding and raking leaves, and the gardener would come in once a month to handle the heavier tasks such as mowing and pruning.  When Robbie eventually got his allotment, they would review the situation.  They agreed to set aside time each week to discuss what, if anything needed to be done around the house, making the decisions together and being certain each other knew what was happening.  It was settled early on that the cleaner stayed.  
  
As far as Robbie could tell, Laura seemed happy, and he did everything he could within reason to keep things that way.  Although their unmatched schedules weren’t conducive to creating routine and rhythm, he liked having a shared home life again, and the larger house meant that Lyn and her family had been able to stay with them on the recent bank holiday weekend.  
  
It was also lovely to once again be sharing a bed – he’d always felt a great sense of peace and contentment when snuggling, and in many ways thought it was more intimate than sex – and he missed Laura when she was called out early in the morning.  However, he didn’t always miss her when she was forced to work late.  While the sex was very good, Laura’s appetite was greater than his, and there had been a couple of times when Robbie had found himself making excuses to simply cuddle.  
  
But Robbie had a sense that something was missing, and he couldn’t put his finger on it.  Life with Laura was different to life with Val, and he’d expected that, but he couldn’t help feeling that there was a crucial element of difference.  He suspected it would occur to him one day, and he also expected to find himself saying, “was that all it was?”

 

**********

 

When Robbie had first jokingly mentioned ‘an allotment and dinghy’ to James three months earlier, it had been a whimsical notion.  However, the seed grew rapidly, and before the end of the case, before James had dropped his proposed resignation on him, Robbie had contacted Mr Cooper to put his name on the list.  He’d been surprised and delighted by the old man’s response.  
  
“I added you back to the bottom of the list after you handed the keys back last time.  I knew you’d be back one day.  I have a nose for these things.”  Robbie had heard his satisfied smile over the phone.  “Of course, there’s quite a number of people on the list, but your name’s steadily working its way back to the top.”  
  
When he chose to stay on with James, Robbie hadn’t bothered contacting Mr Cooper, assuming he would probably have a least a year or two, perhaps more, to wait.  Now, just as he and Laura had finally begun to settle, Mr Cooper called to say he had a vacancy.  Robbie was stunned to learn it was Mr Cooper’s own allotment.   
  
“These old bones are getting past it now and can’t handle the cold like they used to.  I was hoping you’d come back in time.  I trust you to take good care of it, but you have to promise me you’ll look out for old MacRobertson – Mac – next door, and old Beets, his wee dog, too.”  
  
It was a promise Robbie gave without hesitation.  
  
Laura and James were equally astonished at how quickly a vacancy had come up.   
  
“You’re definitely okay with me taking it on?”  Robbie wanted to avoid any more misunderstandings with Laura.  
  
“Yes, as long as you don’t neglect your other ‘duties’ at home,” she teased playfully.  “I suppose this will make me an ‘allotment widow’.”  
  
“I promise not to spend all me free time out there,” Robbie said solemnly.  
  
James grinned happily when Robbie gave him his own shed key.

 

**********

 

After a few glitches when Robbie first moved house, James and Robbie’s days settled back down into their comfortable pattern.  James would arrive at the house at eight for coffee, and he and Robbie would drive to work, sometimes together, sometimes in separate cars.  Laura had teased James once about being Robbie’s ‘bit on the side’, and James seemed to take the teasing in his stride, promising to always get Robbie home on time.  However, Robbie had seen the twitch that showed he wasn’t entirely comfortable with Laura’s comment.  Robbie had been curious about his reaction, as James had never been bothered when Laura had called him Robbie’s ‘other half’, or made other references to their closeness over the years.  
  
“The difference,” James had explained, “is you and Laura weren’t in a relationship at the time.  I don’t condone adultery, nor do I believe it should be joked about either.  People observing from the outside can easily misinterpret.  That’s all.”  
  
Robbie had pondered over that for a day or so, recalling Laura’s question and observation several months earlier.  He found himself spending what he felt was far too much time dwelling on what others may have thought or said – and why.  He wondered if that was the reason James generally found an excuse not to spend time at the house when Laura was absent.  On one hand, he wished Laura had never asked him about his relationship with James but, at the same time, he increasingly found himself wondering, _what if I did like men?  Would anything have happened between us?_

**********

 

James sat forward in his chair and poured the last of his tea onto the ground.  It was a clear, crisp day, and they’d put in a good morning’s work in the allotment.  It had taken them snatched hours over four weekends, but it was finally ready for planting.  James put his cup on the ground and leant heavily on his knees, intently studying the ground in front of him.   
  
“I’ve worked out what I want to do,” he said quietly, glancing at Robbie.  Curiosity and anxiety fought for a place in Robbie’s eyes.  
  
“I had a call from Professor Pinnock last week.  There’s a research position coming up next month – she’s asked me to apply.  And I will be.  If I’m successful, I’ll be leaving in two, maybe three months’ time.  I want to know that you’ll be okay if I’m not around every day.”  
  
“You go, I go,” Robbie murmured.  James gave him a small smile as he recognised his own words.  “That’s pretty much what I told Innocent as well.  You’ll always be welcome at the house, James – any day, every day.  I enjoy your company.  So does Laura.”  
  
James smiled his thanks.

 

**********

 

Their Community Education work had proved more challenging than either of them had originally anticipated.  While they were basically presenting the same information, it had to be tailored to a wide range of groups.  James took the most pleasure from talking to primary school students while Robbie took every opportunity he could to lecture trainee officers.  Neither of them liked talking to teenagers, in any capacity or venue, and ‘paper, scissors, stone’ was employed on many occasions.  
  
Innocent tried to meet up with them every couple of weeks, or as her schedule permitted, to keep abreast of their progress.  They were also free to make an appointment with her if there was anything they wanted to discuss.  Innocent had also met with Robbie privately to ask him if he thought there was any possibility James would return to his former duties and stay with the constabulary and CID.  
  
“I doubt it, ma’am.”  He’d spoken as kindly as possible to soften the blow.   “There might be a slim chance, but I couldn’t tell you what would have to change for it to happen.  I do know he’s recently sent in an application for a research post.”  
  
She’d slumped in her chair in disappointment, and Robbie had felt sorry for her.  Once James left he wasn’t staying on either, and she knew that.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Robbie watched with concern as James’s shoulders slumped and he thumped himself down on the low stone wall.  James had taken a call just as they were finishing up lunch, and when he’d first glanced at the caller ID, his face had lit up with excitement.  As the call progressed, his face had darkened and he’d walked away from the table.  Robbie waited until James had ended the call before walking over.  If it was about what he thought it was James would be gutted.  
  
James looked up, his face awash with disappointment, as Robbie approached.  
  
“I didn’t get it,” he muttered.  “They wanted someone with more recent academic experience.”

  
“Sorry.”  Robbie squeezed his shoulder.  “There’ll be something else, though, won’t there?”  
  
“I’ll have more of a chance at future vacancies with a research post-grad qualification to my name.   I’m going to have to go back to study.”  
  
“And for now?”  
  
James stared at his hands, his fingers wrapped tightly around his phone.  “I’m going to submit my resignation.”  Robbie’s heart sank.  “Out of fairness to you – and Innocent and the Centre – I’ll give twelve weeks’ notice.  That’ll still give me more than ample time to put together an application, and for you to sort out whatever you need to.”  He looked up, squinting against the sun.  “It will give you enough time, won’t it.”  
  
“More than enough, lad.  You sound like you already know what you want to do?”  
  
“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t given it some thought.”  
  
“Innocent’s going to be shattered, you know that?”  
  
James nodded.  “I need to jump before I’m pushed.  Innocent’s been brilliant, but the twelve months is going to be up before we know it – and then what?  I’d feel better in myself going on my own terms.”  
  
Robbie sat on the wall next to James.  He swung his arm across James’s shoulder and gave him a quick hug.  “I understand, James, really, I do.”  
  
James leant against Robbie and glanced upwards at him.  “What about you?”  
  
“You go, I go, remember.  I’ll set up a meeting with Innocent – we can tell her at the same time. “  
  
“That’ll go down like a lead balloon.”  
  
Robbie pressed his lips together and nodded slowly.

 

**********

 

Hands in his pockets, James rocked into Robbie, nudging him gently with his shoulder as they walked out of the station into the car park the following morning.  “I think Innocent took that rather well, don’t you?”  
  
“She was in shock, James,” Robbie chided.  “Wait until she’s had some time to think about it.  Well, best tell Laura now.”  
  
James stopped dead.  “You didn’t tell her last night?”  
  
Robbie continued to walk around to the passenger side of the car, and waited for James to unlock it.  “I decided to wait until it was cut and dried this time – give her something definite to look forward to.  It was all a bit up in the air last time and, though she didn’t say anything, I know she was a bit disappointed I didn’t finish up when I first spoke about it.  I think it was only the change in me hours kept her reasonably happy about the decision to stay on.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie’s phone rang as they arrived at the training centre, where they were both scheduled to deliver lectures in-house.  
  
“Hello, Laura, love.”  James started to get out of the car but was held in place by Robbie’s hand on his arm.  “She’s all set, then?  At least that went as planned.  So you’ll be going this weekend?”  James looked at him curiously.  “Yeah, I’ll ask him.  Bye, love.”  Robbie slipped his phone inside his jacket pocket and turned to James.  
  
“I’m going to be a bachelor again for at least four weeks.”  James raised his eyebrows in surprise.  “Laura’s aunt has been talking about selling up and moving into a retirement village.  That was the call to confirm she’s moving next week, and the house is going on the market.  Laura’s going to head down to Maidstone on Friday to help her pack and get settled in, and then she’ll stay on in the house and start packing it up.  Her cousin’s expected to be home in four or five weeks, and Laura’ll come home then.  If the house sells quickly she’ll be back sooner, but it’s unlikely.”  
  
James frowned.  “That’s only a few days away – I would have thought she’d need to give a bit more notice.”  
  
“Laura had a fair idea when it was going to happen, though she wasn’t sure if it would be this weekend or the next.  The Assistant Pathologist will step up into the role while she’s away – Laura has accumulated leave, and it was cleared weeks ago with her boss.”  
  
“What are you going to do with your four weeks of ‘freedom’?”  James’s face was neutral, but Robbie could see the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
  
“Cheeky sod.  Laura thought you might like to stay on the house at the weekends, and, erm... she may have also said something about you and me digging out and extending the flower beds while she was away.  The gardener wants to charge an arm and a leg to do it.”  
  
James snorted softly and was quiet for a moment.  “Can I let you know on Friday?” he finally said, and Robbie felt a heaviness settle on him.  James must have sensed his disappointment, and went on to explain.  “I need to see if I can find someone to look after Monty.  I couldn’t very well bring him along with me – I’m certain Laura would have my guts for garters if she came back to a house with cat hair – and if I have to go back to feed and clean up each day, I’m as well staying at home.”  
  
Robbie smiled and released a small sigh of relief.

 


	7. Chapter 7

When James arrived at the house on Friday morning, Robbie was putting a suitcase in the boot of Laura’s car, and she was coming out of the house with another smaller bag.  
  
After placing the bag in the passenger seat, she greeted James with a hug and a beaming smile.  “I’m glad you’re here.  You will keep an eye on him for me, won’t you?”  
  
From Laura’s expression, he assumed she was still elated from Robbie’s news.  James had been very surprised when she had called him to thank him for finally getting Robbie to set a retirement date.  James nodded.  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, grinning cheekily.   
  
Laura gave him an exasperated look that almost matched one of Robbie’s.  She kissed Robbie goodbye.  “I hope you behave yourself.  Both of you – you still have standards to maintain for a little bit longer.”  
  
With a quick wave out the car window, she was gone.  
  
Robbie and James stood by the low fence until the car was out of sight.  Robbie tapped James on the shoulder.  “Are you coming in for some breakfast, then?”  
  
James nodded and opened the boot of the car, removing a small rucksack.  “All right if I bring this in?”  
  
Robbie smiled broadly.  “You found someone to look after Monty?”  
  
“Adam, from the band.  He can’t take him to his place – he’s got two big dogs – but he’s happy to drop in, feed him, and check the litter tray tonight and tomorrow.  He only lives around the corner, so it’s not too bad.”  
  
Robbie showed James upstairs.  He watched from the doorway as James placed his clothes in the small wardrobe in the guest room, and tried not to hover as James put his toothbrush and other toiletries on the cabinet shelf Robbie had cleared for him that morning after Laura had finished in the bathroom.  There was a surge of something Robbie couldn’t describe as he witnessed James settling himself in.  
  
***  
  
After work, Robbie found himself in the middle of the fruit and vegetable aisle in Sainsbury’s as James picked over potatoes.  Over lunch, James had volunteered to cook dinner while he was staying, an offer Robbie gratefully accepted.  
  
“There are a couple of recipes I’ve wanted to try for a while, but they’re not worth the effort for one.”  James had concentrated on his sandwich.  “And it’s always nice to have someone else’s opinion.”  
  
“In other words, you want a guinea pig,” Robbie had teased gently.  
  
James had huffed a soft laugh.  “Possibly.”  
  
Robbie had always viewed food shopping as a chore, and he usually tried to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.  He and Val had rarely shopped together, and in the time he and Laura had been living under the one roof they never had.  He knew it was because Laura didn’t like to squander the time they did share, especially as Robbie’s hours made it easier for him to attend to the necessities by himself.  He didn’t mind that much as he had become used to shopping alone, and regularly found himself methodically pacing the aisles, with Laura’s neatly hand-written, brand-specific list.  He’d never given it a lot of thought until now and he was, to his surprise, enjoying the experience.  Watching James select fruit and vegetables was proving entertaining, as he would carefully examine each item, occasionally squeezing or smelling them, making comments about which were the best and why.  But simply having someone to talk to, to take the monotony out of the task, was what made the biggest difference.  
  
“Right, I think that’s the lot.”  James’s voice brought him back to the moment.  He looked in the trolley and wondered how on earth the two of them were going to get through so much food in one weekend.  James seemingly read his thoughts.  
  
“Some of it’s for next weekend, sir – might as well buy it this week while it’s on special.  The meat can go in the freezer and the rest in the cupboard.”  
  
“It’s the weekend, James – for goodness’ sake, call me Robbie.”

 

**********

 

When they went to their respective venues on Monday morning, Robbie was aware that his weekend with James had been most relaxed one he’d had in many weeks – since moving in with Laura, in fact.  
  
It was the little things: shopping and cooking together, working in the garden and the allotment, sitting on the couch without the need for conversation, not feeling like he was being organised most of the time.  He knew Laura meant well, but whenever they had time together it felt like she always had a plan of some description, even if it just involved both of them in the garden, or watching a particular programme or movie together.  He didn’t know how to tell her that it was okay to not have anything planned, that he wasn’t going to suddenly declare himself at a loose end and bored.  Had it been Val, or James, he would have simply said it, waited for the reaction and dealt with it; he and Val had always managed to work things out between themselves, as did he and James.  With Laura, he wasn’t as sure.  He couldn’t read her like he’d been able to read Val, and now understood James.  He kept telling himself it would happen with time.


	8. Chapter 8

Friday rolled around again.  They went straight home as James had shopped the night before, buying the few fresh items he needed for the meals he planned to cook, one of which was simmering in the slow cooker when they arrived home.  James had brought the shopping with him in the morning, arriving much earlier than usual, and they had prepared it together before heading into work.  James’s band was performing at seven that night and Robbie was going along to listen.  If dinner hadn’t been ready to go as soon as they walked in the door, they would have gone hungry.

 

**********

 

They’d completed most of the work on the garden beds the previous weekend, and so spent their Saturday cleaning up at the allotment.  A sudden, severe storm late in the week had caused some damage and, if they were to save their first crops, they needed to try to repair everything today before further rain forecast for that evening arrived.  They only took one short break, quickly eating sandwiches Robbie had made while James prepared another meal for the slow cooker.  
  
Robbie and James arrived home, aching, filthy, and wet, having been caught in the first of the rain as they made their way to the car.  Leaving their shoes on the old mat by the front door – it was easier than trying to clean the mud from the carpet later on – they headed up stairs together to strip off their dirty, wet clothes in the bathroom.  They had flipped a coin to see who would use the shower first.  James had won, so Robbie had taken his robe from the back of the door before moving to the other side of the bathroom, letting James stand closest to the shower.  Robbie noticed that while James apparently had no problem undressing in front of him, removing garments without hesitation and continuing their conversation without skipping a beat, he had turned his back to Robbie.  It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed it.  Whether they were at the gym or the station changing room, James always looked away, only turning around if he was certain Robbie was at least partially redressed.  Robbie had always put it down to modesty, or a display of respect.  At that moment, though, he wondered if there wasn’t something more behind James’s actions.  _Like what, ya daft bugger?_ he chided himself.  _That he’s afraid you’ll see something_ you _don’t like?_  
  
James wrapped a towel around his waist and reached for the bathroom door, his back still to Robbie.  
  
“Where are you goin’?”  Robbie stepped towards the door.  “You’ve got the shower first, get in before you freeze – your arms are covered in gooseflesh.”  
  
“I need to get some clothes...”  
  
“Just get under the hot water before you catch your death.  I’ll get your clothes,” Robbie scolded gently.   
  
With a small nod, James stepped towards the shower.  “Thank you.  Anything from the drawer is fine.  Just leave them by the door, please.”  
  
Robbie picked out a pair of grey tracky bottoms, frayed around the cuffs, and the thickest long-sleeved t-shirt James had brought.  The design was faded, and it was worn soft with wear.  It was also one of Robbie’s favourites among all the casual shirts he’d seen James wear.  Unconsciously, he bent his head to the shirt and sniffed deeply, registering momentary disappointment that it smelled of laundry powder and not James.  He pulled himself up sharply when he realised what he’d done.  Hurriedly adding a pair of socks and boxers to the bundle – he was fairly sure James had been wearing boxers under his tracky bottoms before – he left the room, pulling the door shut behind him, and placed the clothes by the bathroom door as James asked.  
  
Robbie went down to the kitchen to check on their dinner, and to give himself a chance to settle.  He had no excuse for what he’d done, but, oddly, he didn’t regret it.  Since Laura’s very random question all those months ago, he’d found himself looking at James differently, and wondering ‘what-if’ time and time again.  
  
He heard James come out of the bathroom, and headed back upstairs for his own shower.  
  
When he came back down, James was starting to plate up dinner.  The table had been set in the dining room, and James had chosen lamps over the overhead lights.  He watched James as he moved around Laura’s kitchen.  Though he’d only been there a few nights in total, James looked at ease and – content.  Robbie cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen.  James turned around, a gentle, happy smile on his lips.   
  
“It’s turned out perfectly.  The wine’s already on the table.  Here you go.”  He passed a full plate to Robbie, picked up his own, and went into the dining room.  
  
  
  
After eating far too much, they slowly cleared way and cleaned up.  James stacked the dishwasher and pressed the start button, as Robbie carried the remaining wine and their glasses into the living room.  James put on one of Laura’s DVDs, a historical drama, and sank into the couch next to Robbie.  After placing his empty glass back on the table, Robbie sat back, his eyes drifting between the movie and James.  He could tell James wasn’t fully concentrating on the telly either as his eyes were half closed.  Robbie closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift.  He felt James shift in the chair beside him, then something solid rested against his shoulder.  Robbie partially opened one eye only to see the top of James’s head mere centimetres from his cheek.  He was beginning to wonder if James had fallen asleep when he observed James’s glass begin a slow ascent.  Robbie attempted to focus on the movie, but his mind wouldn’t let him as it turned words and phrases over and over, compelling him to finally speak.  
  
“James.”  There was no response.  Robbie waited a moment before trying again.  
  
“Sorry, what did you say?”  James blinked and sat up, turning slightly to face Robbie, who immediately regretted disturbing him and briefly considered asking him to settle back down again.  But he’d started, and now he had to continue.  
  
“I was wanting to get your opinion on something Laura said to me a while back.”  James wore his curious face.  
  
“The night you said you wanted to resign, Laura wanted to know...  She wondered if her and I being together, well, if that had had any bearing on your decision.”  James held his gaze but said nothing.  His face was a calm mask.  Robbie swallowed hard, dropping his eyes to where his hands sat clenched together in his lap and wishing he still had wine in his glass. “Then she asked how close you and I were and I, ah, I told her ‘best mates’ close.  Then she, ah, she wondered if...”   
  
He felt the heat rising up through his face, and was certain his cheeks must be glowing.  He risked a glance at James, who was watching expectantly.  
  
“She thought you and I might have...”  
  
Robbie rubbed his hands over his face.  _Just spit it out, ya daft sod._  
  
He looked James in the eye, and his words came out in a rush.  “She asked if we’d kissed, if I’d kissed you.”  
  
Robbie could only describe James’s answering smile as indulgent.  
  
“Trust Dr Hobson to be the one to come straight out with it, though I suppose it was a fair question for her to ask.”  
  
“Eh?”  That wasn’t the response Robbie had expected.  James didn’t seem to notice his confusion, as he leant in and kissed Robbie’s cheek – it was only the smallest of pecks, though very close to the corner of his mouth – and resumed his position, his head resting on Robbie’s shoulder.   
  
“There,” murmured James.  “Now, if she ever dares to ask you again, you can tell her we have, though, please take a photo when you do – I’d love to see her reaction.”  
  
Without disturbing James, Robbie’s fingers touched his cheek where James had kissed him.  That was the last thing he’d expected.  More alarming, however, was how his body had reacted.  His stomach had flipped, and he’d briefly held his breath.  He was aware of his whole body now feeling very warm, though he knew the room – the entire house – was kept at a modest temperature.  He could feel the heat of James’s body through his jumper, and he forced himself to sit still, breath calmly, and think.  
  
He knew he ‘quite liked’ Laura, she was comfortable (most of the time) and she was safe, and it had generally been nice with her.  Judging by the comments that had reached his ears, a great many people had expected them to end up together, including James.  But a simple kiss like that from Laura had never caused him to react in this way before.  Robbie tried to make sense of it all.  _It was a surprise – a shock – that’s why you’re feeling what you are.  If you’d had any idea he was going to do that, you’d have laughed it off, because James wouldn’t have meant anything by it, it was just a wind-up.  Wasn’t it?  If he did it again, and you were ready for it, you wouldn’t feel the same way – it’d be like getting a kiss from Mark.  Wouldn’t it?  
  
_ Robbie stared at the telly, seeing nothing.  He considered his relationship with James.  He was always comfortable with him, had been for years, and always felt safe with him.  And, if he was going to start being honest with himself, James was more that nice to be with.  _Okay, so James is a man – does that matter?_   But, first things first – he wanted to test his theory, to determine if it was simply the unexpectedness of the kiss that had unsettled him.  
  
“James,” he murmured.  “Could you... could you do that again, please?”  
  
James lifted his head and turned slowly to look at him, wide-eyed and silent.  He tilted his head slightly to one side and studied Robbie intently.  With just the hint of a question in his eyes, James leant forward and repeated the kiss, lingering for a brief instant.  He drew back and waited, his eyes fixed on Robbie’s.  
  
Robbie felt the same surge through his body, and his mind began to race.  He rapidly put together what he was feeling with what he’d very consciously observed over the past months, and his heart began to race as the implication became crystal clear.  _But I’m not attracted to men..._    Robbie deliberately didn’t finish the thought, letting instinct take over for once.  
  
He watched his hand reach forward and stroke James’s cheek.  James’s eyes darted all over Robbie’s face.  
  
Robbie felt himself leaning towards James, who appeared to fall towards him, as if in slow motion.  As Robbie’s eyes closed, his lips met James’s.  
  



	9. Chapter 9

_Oh, God help me, this is what it’s supposed to feel like._  
  
Robbie enjoyed kissing Laura.  He liked holding her, the warmth of her lips, her body, with its softness and promise of intimacy, close to his.  But what he was feeling now he’d never felt with Laura, not this intensity.  It didn’t make sense.  Though it was a distant memory, this was how he’d felt when he and Val had first kissed – he’d known then that Val was the person he wanted to spend his life with.  Robbie’s mind automatically connected James and Val together.  James made a small noise, and Robbie, lost in his memories, moved to deepen the kiss.  
  
He opened his eyes as a hand pushed against his shoulder.  James’s eyes flashed open, and he gasped.  “Oh, God, Laura.  You and Laura.  I shouldn’t... we can’t...  You’re not...”  
  
Robbie gripped his arm gently to stop him moving away and James stilled immediately, guilt flooding his eyes.   
  
“James, I...  I think... with Laura...  I think I might have made a mistake,” Robbie stammered.  “When Laura and I got together, it was because I thought you were leaving me behind, and I couldn’t face being on my own again.  Laura had been waiting so patiently for me to be ready, and I knew I cared about her.  I thought it was enough, you know, and that love would follow.   I really believed I was doing the right thing for both of us... I never thought you might...  I never realised then that you...  I don’t really understand this... but... oh, James.”  
  
He kissed James again, his tongue flicking over James’s lower lip.  James moaned softly, and sank into the kiss.  Robbie jerked backwards, his hands hovering over James’s arms.  
  
“Shit, James, I’m sorry, you... You were with Fiona... oh hell.”  
  
“Fiona was... a failed experiment.”  James spoke softly, his eyes meeting Robbie’s.  “I was trying to convince myself that I was at least possibly bisexual.  But I’m not.  I like men.  I love you – I have for years.”  He placed a finger on Robbie’s lips, silencing him even before he spoke.  “I’ve never expected anything from you, and I did everything I could to hide what I felt.  Your friendship – oh, but it’s so much more than that – it’s been, ** _is_** , the most important relationship of my life.  But... I believe you’re someone who needs to love and be loved by one unique person, and from everything I knew, know about you, I would have said that had to be a woman.  I never presumed to think that you would ever...  Is this... does this mean...?”  James looked hard at him, puzzlement creasing his brow.  “Do you possibly want... _me_?”  
  
Robbie’s hands dropped into his lap, and he sat perfectly still.  There it was.  That’s what was missing.  In the time they’d been together, neither he nor Laura had ever uttered those oh-so-important words: I love you.  Robbie couldn’t recall even thinking it.  He cared for Laura, he was fond of her.  He suddenly recognised that he was more than fond of James, and the thought of not having James in his life made his chest tighten.  Why had it taken being with Laura for him to see that who he really needed, and wanted, was James?  But James was a bloke, and Robbie liked women.  He’d never looked at blokes in _that_ way – but this was James, and James was...  _I don’t really know._ Robbie understood bisexuality as a concept, but had never considered himself to be anything other than completely heterosexual.  Or was it a part of him that had always been there, buried by upbringing, society, convention or fear?  All he knew for absolute certain was that what he was feeling for James was almost overpowering.  Suddenly it didn’t matter that James was a man, or young enough to be his son.  
  
Keeping his eyes on James’s, he nodded.  “I think I do.”  Though barely whispered, his words were confident.  
  
James’s fingers lightly brushed Robbie’s cheek.  “What now?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“How do you feel about Laura?”  
  
Robbie barked a small laugh.  “You sound like a priest – or a shrink.”  
  
“I’m being cautious.  Laura waited a long time for you – what you choose to do now could have major repercussions.”  
  
Robbie knew Laura could – and would – injure him, _if_ she were a physically violent person.  He also knew he wouldn’t string her along, especially not now that he wanted to see what was possible with James.  But he couldn’t be with two people at the same time; that was something he had never done, and never would, and he knew James wouldn’t permit it either.  He couldn’t take this – whatever it was – any further with James until he had spoken to Laura.  But right now, James was waiting for an answer, any answer.  He knew if he told James he’d been confused, and that it was a mistake and to forget it, James would try.   But Robbie wasn’t confused about what he felt.   
  
“I’m fond of Laura, and I don’t want to hurt her.  But...”  Robbie closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.  “I’m more than fond of you, and I need to be fair and honest to her, to you – and to me.”  
  
He opened his eyes and gazed into the depths of James’s eyes.  
  
“Are you willing to take a chance with this worn-out copper?”  
  
James studied him intently, his eyes seemingly changing from green to blue as his gaze intensified.  “Are you willing to risk what you have for what might be?” he whispered.  
  
Robbie nodded, slowly but with conviction.  The only time he’d felt more certain about anything was when he’d asked Val to marry him.  
  
“I’ll have to talk to Laura, sooner rather than later.”  
  
“What will you tell her?”  
  
“The truth.  I can’t tell her anything else.”  
  
James gently pressed his hand against the side of Robbie’s neck, and kissed him lightly at the corner of his mouth.  As kisses went, it was chaste, but Robbie sensed the promise in that one kiss and the touch of James’s fingers.  It spoke of love, of private moments, and of yet-to-be-recognised possibilities.  
  
“Robbie?”  
  
He focused back on James at the sound of his voice.  James looked curious, and slightly puzzled.  
  
“When did you first know you also liked men?” James asked quietly.  
  
“I don't, at least, I don't think I do.  Not in general.”  Robbie placed a reassuring hand on James’s shoulder when he frowned.  “I know I've never looked at any bloke and thought, 'oh, wouldn't mind kissin' him', or whatever.  An', to be honest... I never did with you, either, until Laura put the idea into me head, an' then it wouldn't go away.”  
  
James’s scowl deepened.  “So... you kissed me because–”  
  
“I kissed you because I wanted to.”  Robbie interrupted.  “Not because I was curious to see what it felt like – well, maybe a little – but because... because ever since Laura mentioned it, I’d started to see you differently, began to have some idea of what you’d been hiding.  Once I knew what was there, it hit me just how bloody important you were to me – that you were more than just me best mate.  Then – I know you didn’t intend for anything to happen – you kissed me, and it was… I just knew I couldn’t let it go, not without testing it, making sure it wasn’t a one-off thing.”  
  
James’s brow smoothed out, and he looked at Robbie with tenderness.  Robbie found himself holding both of James’s hands.  “I don’t suppose this is going to be easy – for us, for Laura, my kids... Innocent.  Christ, I don’t know the first thing about... being with another bloke.”  
  
James spoke quietly and confidently.  “After seven years together, we know each other, and that’s the hardest part.  The rest is... well... you were married a long time and it may be easier than you think.”  
  
“I wish I could feel as sure of that as you do.”  Robbie sat back in the couch, keeping hold of one of James’s hands.  “I’m not gay, James, I doubt I could even consider myself bisexual, but... I’m willing to try, for you, if it's what you want.”  
  
“I’d never ask you to do anything you weren’t completely comfortable with.  But…”  James paused, and bit his bottom lip.   
  
“James – what is it?”  
  
“I like kissing, and cuddling, and being held... but I enjoy many other... activities, as well.  You were married, and you and Laura, I’m assuming that you...  and _that_ is a bit different.”  James’s blush flooded his face.  
  
Robbie sat up abruptly and grasped James’s hands between his own.   “Don’t think about any of that, James.  I’d be a bloody fool if I expected this to be the same – I never expected being with Laura to be like my life with Val.  Besides, there’s more to intimacy than sex.  If you’re certain this, we, can work, then I trust you.”  
  
They stared at each other.  Robbie was acutely aware that, for all the unknowns they were facing, the ramifications and the changes being together would bring, he was calm.  He wondered what James meant by ‘activities’, apart from the most obvious, but rather than being unsettled by the possibilities, Robbie found himself intrigued.  How different would things be when the time came?  Because, he decided there and then, it was a matter of when and not if.  James was right: they did know each other, and he could see in James’s eyes that, despite his own uncertainties, he’d accepted this turn of events, and had laid bare his heart.  
  
“James.”  Robbie had made another decision.  “I’m going over to Maidstone next weekend.  I can’t – don’t – want to wait until Laura gets back, and I have to tell her face to face.  I owe her that much.”  
  
James nodded slowly.  “You’ll drive, I presume?  You’d have to change trains at least twice otherwise.”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll drive.  I can’t be arsed with hanging around stations waiting for connecting trains.  Better if I’ve got the road to concentrate on.”  
  
“As long as you don’t let your mind wander.  Last thing any of us needs is a phone call to say you’re in hospital – or worse.”  
  
Robbie shook his head.  “No.  I’ll be fine, James.  ”  
  
“You’d better be.”  Robbie’s head snapped up at the worry in James’s voice.  
  
“I will.”  Robbie studied James for a moment.  “James...  when I get back here, after seeing Laura, can I...  would I be able to move in with you?  I can’t in good conscience stay here – I’d feel like I was taking advantage of Laura, and I don’t know if I’d be able to find another place before she’s due back.”  James simply nodded again, as his lips curved into a gentle smile.


	10. Chapter 10

James went to bed shortly afterwards, bidding Robbie good night with a gentle smile and a brief hug.  He’d offered to go home, but it was very late and he’d started yawning heavily, defeating his own argument before he’d started.  Robbie gripped him gently by the shoulders, spun him around, and pointed him at the stairs.  
  
“Just get up there, will ya.”  
  
Robbie walked slowly around the house, checking the doors and windows, and switching off all the lights.  He left one lamp on, and flopped back into the couch with the remainder of his glass of wine.  He cast his eyes slowly around the room.  The furniture was all Laura’s and there were a couple of prints on the wall, and a painting or two, again Laura’s.  There were a few framed photos, mostly Laura’s family, but not one of him and Laura.  Robbie couldn’t even recall if they’d ever had one taken of themselves.  Laura’s house was lovely, that was undeniable, but despite having been there for nearly four months, there was no outward sign that Robbie lived there, unless you were to look in the bathroom or wardrobe.  Everything else he owned was packed away, including the photos of him and Val.   
  
 _It doesn’t feel like a_ home _, not to me._    
  
 _Could I make a home with James?_   Robbie felt certain he could.  With a soft grunt, he rose and took himself off to bed.  
  
***  
  
James headed home after Sunday breakfast.  They had both agreed that they weren’t prepared to progress their relationship before Robbie had had the opportunity to speak to Laura.  While each trusted the other, it was better to be safe than sorry as neither wanted this new stage of their relationship to begin with compromising their personal principles.  Robbie threw himself into cleaning the house, even though the cleaner would be in the next day – it kept him occupied and wore him out – and James had talked about either rowing or running.   
  
Before he left, however, James went online to help Robbie find a place to stay overnight in Maidstone.  
  
“There’s a reasonably priced bed and breakfast that looks quite good.  It’s about a mile and half from Laura’s aunt’s, or there’s a small hotel on the opposite side of town that would probably suit too.  There must be something on next weekend – most of the mid-priced accommodation in the town appears to be booked up.”  
  
“I’ll go with the hotel, thanks, James.  Less likely to get drawn into a conversation about what I’m doing down there.  I don’t think I’ll be in the mood for company.”  
  
James looked up as he closed the cover on his iPad.  “Have you decided when you’re going to call Laura, or are you considering arriving unannounced?”  
  
Robbie puffed out his cheeks.  “Wouldn’t be fair to just turn up on her doorstep, but I don’t want to call her too soon, either.  Wednesday, Thursday, maybe?”  
  
James nodded.

 

**********

 

Robbie met up with James for dinner on Wednesday evening.   
  
“Are you all right?”  Robbie was pale, and James was concerned.   “You look like you’ve had a shock.”  
  
Robbie rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced.  “I called Laura just before I came here, to let her know I’d be down on Saturday.  Well – you know what Laura’s like – she asked half a dozen or so questions, and I thought I’d managed to deflect them quite well, but when I was thinking about it on the drive here...”  He exhaled sharply.  “God, James, I think she thinks I’m going to propose.”  
  
“Oh.”  James wasn’t sure what else to say.  “Are you sure?  You’re not just projecting your own... concerns onto what she said?”  
  
“You didn’t hear her voice, James.  She sounded like the cat who’d got the cream.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“I need a drink,” muttered Robbie.   
  
James was on his feet in an instant.  “Whisky or a pint?”  
  
“Both?”  Robbie looked miserable.  
  
“Done.”  With a sharp nod, James made his way to the bar, feeling ill at ease.  Robbie’s task was never going to be easy but, as a man of integrity and honour, James knew Robbie wouldn’t back away, no matter how unpalatable the outcome may be.  However, if Robbie was correct in his assumption, it was going to be a double blow for Laura.  James fleetingly wondered if he should go with Robbie, if only to make sure he got there and back safely.  No, Robbie needed to go by himself.  James would only be a phone call away if he needed to talk.  Suddenly Robbie’s retirement couldn’t come soon enough.  His own resignation, however, was another matter entirely.

 

**********

 

It could have been a difficult week, full of tension and awkwardness, but it wasn’t.  They had considered carefully how best to get through to the following Saturday, concluding that very little had to change.  As neither of them could have been described as impulsive, there was little possibility that one or the other would do or say something inappropriate or revealing and, as they no longer worked strictly as a team, their daily duties kept them apart for much of the time.  In the evenings, they chose to eat dinner at the pub, going home separately afterwards.  It was enough knowing each was there for the other.

 

**********

 

On the Saturday, James arrived at the house at ten.  Robbie was planning to leave around half-past ten and James wanted to say goodbye in person.   
  
He handed Robbie a folded sheet of paper.  It was a printed street map, and James had scribbled some notes at the bottom.  
  
“It’s Maidstone,” James pointed out.  “I’ve highlighted the route to the hotel – I know you’d prefer not to use the GPS if you can help it – and I checked the various road reports.  You’ll encounter fewer road works and delays if you head south of London, along the M25, and continue east along the M26, though I’m not that good at predicting accidents and other potential hold-ups.”  
  
“Thanks, James.  I appreciate this.”  
  
“Take care, Robbie.  Keep your focus on the road, and call me if you need to talk.”  
  
“I will, lad.  What are you going to do?”  
  
“The weather’s good, so I’ll spend some time at the allotment.  I’m sure Beets will keep me busy with his tennis ball if nothing else.”  
  
“Aye, I suppose he will.”  Robbie smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.  
  
James took hold of his arm just above the elbow.  “If there were anything I could do to make this easier for you, you know I would, don’t you?”  
  
“I know, James.  I know.”  He patted James’s hand.  “I’d best be off.   I told Laura I’d be there for three and I’d like to have a bit of time to meself between arriving in town and going around to the house.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie had a rare clear run on the roads and arrived too early to check in to the hotel.  With nearly an hour to fill, he considered and discarded lunch as an option as he had no appetite.  Instead, he found himself wandering silently alongside the River Medway.  
  
“I hope she hasn’t gone to a lot of trouble.”  Robbie leant on a railing, watching a tourist boat motor downstream.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry.  Were you talking to me?”   
  
Robbie spun around at the strange voice to see a young woman eyeing him warily.  
  
“Eh?  Oh, no, sorry lass.  Just thinking out loud.”   She nodded, a smile now twitching the corner of her mouth.  Robbie stared back out over the river.  Laura had told him she was going to cook dinner for them.  He’d known if he’d tried to tell her not to bother, she’d have wanted to know why, and he wouldn’t have been able to lie to her.  He held back his sigh and walked back to the hotel.  
  
After settling in his room, he called James, whose answering greeting was drowned out by Beets’s excited barking.  Robbie waited.  
  
“Just wanted to let you know I got here in one piece and I’m on me way to Laura’s now.  I’ve got no idea how long I’ll be there, so if you don’t hear from me for a bit, don’t worry.”  
  
“Robbie, I...”.  
  
When James didn’t continue after a few seconds, Robbie asked, “What is it, James? You...?”  
  
He heard James take in a short, sharp breath.  “I... It’s nothing.  
  
“James, are you having doubts?”  Robbie frowned, even though James couldn’t see him.   “Please be honest with me.”  
  
“No, no doubts.”  
  
Though he could hear the certainty in his voice, Robbie wished he could see James’s face, to reassure him and to be reassured.  He spoke gently.  “I know what I'm doing, too, James.  I haven't been this sure of anything since... well, for a bloody long time.”  
  
A long pause followed.  “Good luck, Robbie.  I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”  The warmth in James’s voice filled Robbie with a deep peace.  
  
“Aye.  I’ll call you.”  Sharp barking interrupted them.  “Sounds like someone wants your attention, and I’d better get a move on.  Bye, James.”  
  
Robbie slipped his phone into his pocket and headed down to his car.  



	11. Chapter 11

“What?”  Laura’s hands dropped to her sides, and her shoulders slumped.  She stared at Robbie as though he was a complete stranger.  
  
“I’m sorry, Laura.”  Robbie leant heavily against the back of the couch.  “I know it’s not what you were expecting. And I...”  
  
“You couldn’t wait until I was back in Oxford?  Until all of _this_ was finished?”  Stunned, Laura cut across him.  Her voice was hollow, her arms flung wide to take in the reception room they were standing in.  Her eyes widened, and she looked at him in horrified disbelief.  “Oh, God, there’s someone else, isn’t there?  You’ve got your eyes on someone else, but your conscience won’t let you do anything while we’re together.  Am I right?”  
  
“Laura, it’s not...”  Robbie tried to keep focussed.  He’d rehearsed his admission, and could feel it slipping away.  
  
“I’m right, aren’t I?”  Laura crossed her arms tightly across her body, almost hugging herself.  She held him with her hollow gaze.  “Who is she?”  She was shaky, but controlled.  “Do I know her?”  
  
“Laura, please, I...”  Robbie forced himself not to plead.  
  
“Oh, shit.”  Laura took a step away from him as the truth hit her.  “It’s James, isn’t it?  You told me you’d never... you lied to me, Robbie.”  Her eyes magnified the hurt in her voice.  
  
“Laura, I didn’t lie to you.”  Robbie worked to keep his voice steady and kind, without coming across as patronising.  The last thing he wanted was to unintentionally belittle what she was feeling.  “James and I had never, ever...”  
  
She quietly interrupted him.  “Then what’s happened?”  
  
Robbie searched for the words, his planned confession having fallen apart.  “To put it simply, my eyes have been opened.  I understand you’re angry, and you’ve got every right to be, but I swear to you on Val’s grave, nothing’s happened beyond a couple of kisses.”  
  
“You _have_ kissed,” she said in a shocked whisper.  The fight left Laura and she dropped onto the couch, trembling.  “He kissed you first, didn’t he?  When?”  
  
Robbie felt every breath he took as he thought through his response.  Foolishly, he’d hoped to somehow keep James out of the discussion as much as possible.  “It was last week.  Look, James isn’t to blame here.”  His words ran together.  
  
“Not to blame?”   She was thoughtful.  “No, perhaps not entirely; it takes two to form a relationship.  You are aware that James has loved you for years, that you’re quite possibly the reason he’s never gone for promotion, because that would mean he wouldn’t see you every day?”  
  
“How do you know that?”  He matched her quiet tone.  “James has only just told me and I’ve not said anything.”   
  
“Oh, Robbie.”  Laura bowed her head, her hands clasping her knees.  “It was obvious once you saw it.  It was in the way he looked at you when he was exhausted and his guard was down.  It was in the little things he did for you every single day.  At first I thought it was a bromance thing – your inability to keep any physical space between yourselves certainly backed that up – but it was more than that on James’s part.  I called him your ‘other half’ to see if either of you would bite, but you were seemingly oblivious, and James...”  She sighed heavily.  “James was the soul of discretion.”  
  
Robbie stepped around the couch, and lowered himself onto the end seat next to Laura.  “I _was_ oblivious.  James didn’t force himself on me, and I didn’t make him do anything.  I hope you know I’d never force him to do or be something or someone...”  
  
“No, you wouldn’t,” Laura interrupted with a breathy, humourless laugh, “because in your own way, you’ve loved him for years.  Not like he loved you... at least I didn’t think so.  Jean and I used to have lunch together regularly and joke about whether this would be the week you would suddenly wake up and see the person beside you.   In the end, we decided you wouldn’t, for the simple fact James was a man.  You treated James... not quite like a son, but definitely with more care and respect than I’ve ever seen anyone give their bagman over the years.”  Her brow furrowed.  “Why now?  What happened to trigger this?”  
  
Robbie bent forward, his forearms pushing into his thighs.  “You asked me if I’d ever kissed him.  Until that moment, the thought had never crossed my mind, as I told you.  After you said it, though, I found I couldn’t completely quiet the voice that kept saying ‘why haven’t you?’”  
  
Laura looked up slowly, pale, disbelief washing across her features.  “Are you saying this is my fault?”  
  
“No.  Maybe.  I don’t know.”  Robbie stammered.  “Maybe I would have figured it out at some point by myself, or maybe someone else would have said something.  I just know what I know now.”  
  
“Which is, precisely?”  Laura was now sitting straight and tall.  At a glance, she was composed, but Robbie thought he could see a tremor that threatened to claim her at any moment.  It could have been a precursor to anger or tears, but Robbie knew Laura didn’t cry easily.   
  
He drew himself up to match her posture and spoke earnestly.  “That I have to see where this takes me, takes us, me and James.”  
  
Laura stared at him.  The clock on the mantelpiece ticked lazily.  Laura closed her eyes and took a couple of slow, deep breaths.  She opened her eyes as she began to speak.  Her voice was steady and emotionless.  “If things go pear-shaped with James, you’re on your own.  There’s no second chance.  I have my pride, Robbie.”  
  
Robbie nodded slowly.  He’d expected no less.  “I understand.  You deserve better.”  
  
“Oh, Robbie.”  She buried her face in her hands, her fingers pressing in hard.  There were no tears, no sobs.  With a loud sniff, she dragged her hands down her cheeks, bringing her palms together in front of her face, thumbs pushing into the underside of her chin.   Robbie placed his hand on her shoulder, and she shrugged him off.  “Go back to Oxford, Robbie,” she whispered.  “Go back to James.”  
  
Robbie stood slowly.  “I am genuinely sorry, Laura.  I never wanted to hurt you.”  
  
She slowly turned away from him.  
  
He reached out once again, jerking his hand back before reaching her.  “I’ll clear my things out before you get back and…”  
  
She nodded briskly but didn’t look at him.  “Go.  Just... go.”   
  
***  
  
Back at the hotel, Robbie, suddenly exhausted, lowered himself onto the end of the bed with a soft groan.  He scrolled through the contacts on his phone, and his thumb hovered over James’s name.  He tapped the screen.  
  
***  
  
Robbie finally caught James on the third try, having reached his voicemail previously.   
  
“Sorry.  I must have accidentally flicked the phone onto silent.  Was it as bad as you anticipated?”  
  
Robbie shrugged.  “She was upset – that was expected – but she stayed in control.  It’s one of her strengths, but it made it hard to really know what she was thinking.  She told me to go to you.  Remains to be seen what happens next.”  Robbie dropped onto the bed.  
  
“You don’t think she’d do anything... No.  Stupid, Hathaway.”  James berated himself.  “Laura’s not the type to hurt herself.”  
  
“Hurt herself?  No.  That’s not Laura.  And she’s generally not a vindictive person.  But she’s hurt and she’s angry, and we’ve seen often enough what that can sometimes make the most rational of people do.  It’s wait and see, I suppose.  Keep an ear and eye out as best I can.”  
  
“How do you feel?”  
  
“Horrid.  I'm all out of sorts.  It's not the first time I've broken off with someone, but I was still in me teens the last time.  I'd forgotten how it makes you feel.”  
  
“Hmmm.”  Robbie had no idea if James was agreeing, empathising or sympathising with him.  There was no enlightenment when James spoke.   
  
“Have you eaten?”  
  
“I’m not hungry.”  
  
“I’d wager you didn’t eat lunch either, did you?  You should try to eat something.”   
  
He wasn’t fussing, and Robbie managed a weak smile at James’s practicality.  “I might have a lie down first, then get something.”  
  
“Come home.”  Robbie closed his eyes as James’s softly spoken words settled around him like a blanket.  _Home._ “I’ve started making room for you, and I’ve given some thought to your move from Laura’s.”  
  
 _Making room for you._ It would be the second time in six months that someone had made room in their life for him.  He swore he wouldn’t break James’s heart.  And trust James to be practical; it wouldn’t have surprised Robbie to learn that James had his entire move already planned.   
  
It wasn’t a hard decision to make.  
  
“I can leave in about half an hour.  Depending on the roads, I should be at your place before half eight.  
  
  
  
Robbie forced his mind to slow down as he packed his bag.  He kept going back to his conversation with Laura.  He ached for the hurt and uncertainty he’d brought her, and tried to convince himself that, if not the kindest way, it was the most honest way.  If he hadn’t been honest with Laura, he knew he and James wouldn’t be able to move forward in their relationship.    
  
He knew any fear he felt for Laura’s personal safety was unfounded, for she was an intelligent, practical woman.  However, his experiences in uniform and CID had taught him that even the most balanced of people could occasionally do the most unexpected things, given the circumstances.  Robbie knew that until the dust had settled, and he, and hopefully James, had a further opportunity to talk with Laura, a part of him would remain wary and on alert.


	12. Chapter 12

The return trip to Oxford was almost as uneventful as the drive down.  As the miles passed Robbie also gave some thought to the upcoming move.  He pulled into a lay-by in order to jot down a few notes for himself. Digging through the contents of the glove compartment for the pen he knew had to be there, Robbie came across a CD he didn’t recognise.  It had to be one of James’s, and he popped it into the CD player.  The first track was similar to the music he’d heard James’s band play before.  Though it wouldn’t have been his first choice of music, it helped him feel as though James was in the car with him, so he let it play.  
  
He was delayed when a relatively minor accident blocked all bar one lane, and traffic was being directed through by a constable who looked far too young to be in uniform.  Nevertheless, he arrived at James’s shortly after eight.   
  
It was a visibly nervous James who opened the door.  Robbie dropped his bag on the floor and, hesitating only for a second, hugged him.  With a soft exhale, James relaxed and hugged him back.   
  
Robbie stepped back and held James’s arm, searching his face at the same time.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“I should be asking you that.  I’m fine, especially now that I’ve seen you.”   
  
Robbie’s hand caressed James’s arm as he moved it upwards, bringing it to rest on James’s shoulder, his thumb lightly stroking James’s neck.  James leant slightly into Robbie’s touch.  Moving forward half a pace, James bent down and kissed Robbie lightly, his hands coming to rest on Robbie’s hips.  Robbie’s felt the same surge of desire and affection he’d experienced the first time.  
  
As James drew away, his expression was one of tenderness and trust.  With one hand he took hold of Robbie’s hand, and picked up his bag with the other.  “Come on through.”  
  
He took Robbie to the bedroom, placing his bag on top of the chest of drawers.  
  
James's bed took up most of the space in the small bedroom. It was no bigger or smaller than either his old bed or Laura's, yet it loomed large in Robbie’s mind. It was to be _their_ bed.  
  
James misinterpreted his pensive gaze. “I can sleep on the couch tonight – if that'll help you settle in,” he said quietly.  
  
Robbie slowly turned towards him. “‘Start as you mean to continue’. That’s what my mam always said and it’s always made sense to me. I’ve thought about this. I’m ready.” He took a step towards James, who matched him, leant in close and kissed him.  
  
Robbie opened his eyes to see James smiling reassuringly, and the apprehension that he'd seen there had flown, as had his own final traces of nervousness.  
  
James tapped the chest of drawers.  “The top drawer is all yours, and there’s room in the wardrobe and bathroom cabinet, too.  I haven’t eaten yet.  Would you like something, too?”  
  
“Yes, please, James.”  James nodded approvingly and left Robbie to unpack.  
  
  
  
Robbie wandered through to the living area. He’d been here on many occasions in recent months, but now he was looking at it as his future home. He’d thought it cosy, but now it suddenly seemed very small. He was relieved they wouldn’t have additional furniture to worry about.  
  
James had prepared a light meal of soup and toast for both of them, and Robbie devoured it hungrily.   
  
***  
  
After getting ready for bed, Robbie paused at the bedroom door.  James was standing at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, his hands tucked tightly against his ribs.  The lamp light formed deep, dark shadows across his face.   
  
“James?”  
  
He looked up slowly.  “I don’t favour any particular side.  If you do, go ahead.”  As James turned his head towards Robbie, the shadows changed and his face warmed.  What Robbie had initially perceived as a grimace revealed itself as a contented smile.  Robbie studied the bed and James’s expectant face.  With Val, he’d always slept on the left, but after more than a decade of sleeping alone it had ceased to matter.  When he’d taken up with Laura, he began sleeping on the right, as she favoured the left.  Now James was clearly waiting for him to make a decision.  He chose the left side, for no other reason than it was closer to the door and the bathroom, which suited him better.  He drew back the covers, pushed his legs underneath and lay down on his back.  He linked the fingers of his hands together and rested them against his stomach.  
  
James turned out the lamp, slipped into bed beside him, rolled onto his side, and watched him with his head propped up on one hand.   
  
“Relax, Robbie.”  James smiled gently, resting his hand over Robbie’s.  “I’m not going to leap on you.”  
  
A tiny voice in Robbie’s mind whispered that he thought he’d quite like it if James did, but it was quietened by wisdom, which was still adjusting to this dramatic and largely unforeseen, at least by Robbie, change.  
  
Removing one hand from under James’s, Robbie located the switch for the lamp, and with a soft click plunged the room into darkness.  As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he saw that James hadn’t moved.   
  
The mattress dipped as James moved closer and encouraged Robbie to roll to one side.  
  
It was strange at first, lying with another man.  James gently pushed Robbie forward until he was completely on his side and then curled around his back.  Robbie felt James’s knees brush the back of his legs and his arm wrapped completely around him, fingers tucked under Robbie’s side.  James’s firm chest pressed against his back and he felt the warmth of James’s breath against the back of his neck – it was a complete reversal of what Robbie was familiar with.  Not only was there the contrast in height – Robbie thought of cold feet against his shins and soft hair brushing his chin – the feel and smell were different, too.  The softness he was familiar with was replaced by a not unwelcome firmness and strength.  The maleness of James contrasted sharply with the soft fragrance Laura often wore  
  
Robbie relaxed into James’s embrace, learning to appreciate the sense of being wanted and protected.  His heart sank a little when James carefully drew his arm back.  He shivered lightly when cooler air seeped under the covers as James wriggled away.  He didn’t move.  Perhaps James thought he’d fallen asleep.  He jumped a little when James’s hand returned, this time on his shoulder, pulling him gently backwards.  Robbie went with the force and rolled onto his back, looking towards James as he did.  He felt James’s fingers glide across the front of his body, up and over his other shoulder, eventually cradling the back of his neck.  James’s body followed, rising above Robbie, his face briefly hovering before he appeared to drift downwards.  As he kissed Robbie, soft and slow, Robbie relaxed into the pillow, dismissing any remaining qualms, and returned his kisses.   
  
As James’s tongue pressed lightly against his bottom lip, Robbie opened up to him, savouring each new sensation.  James smelled of soap and shaving cream, and tasted of toothpaste, mouthwash, and the faint bitterness of cigarettes.  Robbie vaguely registered that James must have shaved that evening.  _For me?_   Through the thin fabric of his pyjamas, Robbie felt the firm lines of James’s lean body, muscle undulating slowly as James shifted his position, thigh pressed against thigh.  James’s stomach and chest brushed against his side as James’s mouth moved down Robbie’s jaw line to his neck and back to his lips.  Robbie held his breath, and James’s waist, as James’s hand slipped under his t-shirt and caressed the sensitive skin at his side.  He’d always been ticklish there and, as he wriggled with the sensation, he felt James smile against his mouth.   
  
“Cheeky sod,” Robbie mumbled, and James took advantage, tangling his tongue with Robbie’s once again.  
  
Robbie was semi-hard, and his mind began to race.  He didn’t want James to stop – he was certain he could stay there with James for hours – but if James registered his erection would it stop him or spur him on?  Through his slowly rising, and distracting, disquiet and arousal, Robbie tried to think.  He didn’t want to second-guess James and push him away, nor did he want them to move into territory that perhaps one or both weren’t quite ready for – he certainly wasn’t, not yet.  Before Robbie felt compelled to make a decision, James pulled away, leaving a trail of small kisses down his cheek and neck to the hollow at the base of his throat.  He laid his head against Robbie’s shoulder and drew himself up tight against him, one arm around Robbie’s waist, one bent leg over his thighs.  Robbie sighed softly, and kissed James’s forehead.  He had no doubt James had felt his unease.  Perhaps James had been having the same thoughts.  Whichever it had been, Robbie suspected sleep would come easily to both of them.  
  
“Good night, Robbie,” James whispered, his words smothered against Robbie’s skin.  
  
“G’night, pet.”  Robbie kissed him once again and closed his eyes. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

James opened his eyes, the room was still dark.  He blinked to clear the sleep away and peered at the clock.  It was still quite early, and they had all of Sunday to get to Laura’s.  Robbie slept on, enfolded in James's embrace, his snores more of a snuffle than a true snore.  Stretching his neck, James traced a line of feathery kisses along Robbie's jaw line, bringing his lips to rest just below Robbie's ear as both heads rested on the same pillow.   
  
James smiled to himself.  He'd been more than hopeful their first night together would go well, with little awkwardness, and it had.  He gave a silent prayer of thanks at reading Robbie's body language correctly.  He'd been aware of Robbie's arousal, but more aware of the rising nervousness that had caused him to hesitate for a fraction of a second.  He'd felt the tremor of muscle and ligament against his lips as he’d moved towards Robbie’s neck, a sensation that had ceased almost at the instant James had laid his head down.  James closed his eyes and nuzzled into Robbie's neck. He smiled again as Robbie's arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him closer.  
  
***  
  
James set the cafetière and cups on the breakfast bar and took his seat, as Robbie set a plate of eggs and toast in front of him.  James looked across, and smiled fondly at the man who had made him happier than he ever thought he could be.  
  
When James had woken the second time he had been alone in the bed.  He’d heard the shower stop and, lifting his head, he’d seen Monty prowling impatiently outside the bathroom door.  James had chided himself for being disappointed that their first morning together hadn't been a little more romantic, reminding himself that he and Robbie had, in reality, been together long enough to almost be consider an old, married couple.  It was possible their honeymoon period was already behind them.   
  
Robbie had surprised him, however, by coming into the bedroom, dressed in jeans and a singlet, lying on the bed beside him, and kissing him – soundly.  Robbie had then chivvied James into the shower, promising to make breakfast for both of them.  James had finished making the coffee before he realised he hadn't had a cigarette, nor were his brain or body yet screaming at him to do so.  
  
***  
  
The first thing they collected from Laura’s was all of Robbie's clothes.  These they draped carefully across the back seat, with underwear and shoes jammed into a suitcase.  James then helped Robbie pack as many of his personal items as they could safely fit into the boot of the car, including several boxes Robbie had removed from the cupboard under the stairs, all containing items he’d never had a reason to unpack.  One was filled with all of his framed photographs.  
  
Robbie went around the house once more, gathering scattered items into an old packing box he'd retrieved from the garden shed.  Robbie could feel James watching him from his vantage point at the bottom of the stairs.  He placed the box carefully near James's feet.  
  
“That's that, then.”  
  
James looked at the half-empty box and back to Robbie's face.  “That's it?”  
  
“There're still the half dozen boxes in the attic.”  When James dropped his head in his hands and groaned, Robbie smiled indulgently and nudged James’s leg with his foot.  “S'all right, we don't have to bother with them today.  We can drive over and pick them up tomorrow, or even next weekend.”  
  
James grabbed the banister and pulled himself to his feet.  “It's not the when that's bothering me. They were bloody heavy.”  
  
“Oh, come on.”  Robbie grinned as he remembered James straining to haul the boxes up the ladder.  “It'll be easier to get them down. You'll be a dab hand at it now, and you’ll be working with gravity.”  
  
“Right,” mumbled James, unconvinced.  
  
***  
  
They carried most of Robbie's clothes into James's flat the same way they'd removed them from Laura's: by the armload.  At Laura's, they and the car had been sheltered from curious eyes by the tall hedge that wrapped around the neat front yard.  Here, Robbie's car was parked on the street and, convinced the multiple trips back and forth would arouse interest, he continually looked for twitching curtains.  His imagination, fuelled by years of interviewing nosy neighbours, created a stream of petty gossip in his mind, but all was still.  Even the footpath remained empty.  Inside, James had created as much space as possible in the wardrobe, but as Robbie had never been a clothes-horse, he needed less than was offered.  
  
  
  
With the car emptied, Robbie put the last items in the bedroom and the bathroom, repeatedly shifting a curious Monty out of the way.  While he did that, James went through the contents of his fridge to pull together lunch for them.  
  
They planned out the second trip to Laura’s as they ate.  
  
“If we use both cars we could probably manage to move the six boxes in one trip,” James concluded.  “Though, I've no idea where we'd put them.  I could ring around the other band members to see if anyone has space.”  
  
“I've got one of those self-storage units, at a place out Cowley way.”  Robbie thought of the boxes and cases he'd stored away before he went on secondment.  “I leased it after...” He bit his bottom lip with the memory.  James reached across and squeezed his hand. Robbie looked at him gratefully.  Taking a deep breath, Robbie sat up straight and continued.  “It's not huge but, from memory, there's a bit of room.  If I go to the bank tomorrow, I can pick up the padlock key and we could take a look.”  
  
James raised his eyebrows. “The bank?”  
  
“Yeah.”  Robbie shrugged.  “I keep it in a safe deposit box, along with me personal papers.  Figured it was the safest place when I didn’t have a permanent home – there are some things you don’t want to lose when you have to move house.”  
  
“No.”  James looked sheepish.  “I used to keep mine in my bottom desk drawer until we took the training posts and lost the office.  Now they’re in a fireproof locked box in my locker at the centre.”  
  
Robbie studied James thoughtfully.  “Wondered why you’d put that bloody great padlock on it.  Ah, who knows, maybe one day we’ll have a permanent home to keep all those things in, together, and I can stop adding to the bank's coffers.  What d’you think?”  
  
“I think... I like the sound of that,” James answered softly.  
  
Robbie took a second to realise what he’d just offered, and James had accepted: a home together, a place to call their own.  He knew it could be done.  Had he wanted to, he could have bought himself a house anytime since his return to Oxford.  But without someone else to make it a home, and the fact he'd long assumed he'd move to closer to Lyn after he retired, it hadn't made sense.  He hadn't counted on James in his life.  
  
Then another telling fact dawned on him: Laura owned her home, it was a permanent home **,** and yet Robbie had never once considered removing his documents from the bank.  Shaken by what that inferred, Robbie pulled his mind back to the matter at hand.   
  
“I'll try to get to the bank sometime tomorrow and get the key,” he said decisively, aware James was looking at him curiously.  “Then we could go and have a look at the unit in the afternoon.”  
  
“Sounds like a reasonable plan to me.”

  
With the plans for the rest of his move from Laura’s decided, Robbie raised the subject of telling Innocent.  
  
“I think Innocent should hear directly from us, or at least me, and the sooner the better.  She’s always done the right thing by us, and I think it’s only fair she knows what’s going on.”  Robbie played with the grains of sugar that had missed his cup, rolling them between the finger and thumb of one hand.  He looked up at James.  “She deserves that, at the very least.”  
  
James nodded his agreement.  “What d’you think she’ll do?”  James placed his fork and knife on the empty plate and picked up his mug, holding it between the fingers of both hands and taking a long drink.  
  
Robbie shrugged.  “I’m retiring, you’re resigning, paperwork’s already in.  Not much anyone can do, really.  It’s not as though I’m your Governor anymore.  There’s no question of coercion or influence.”  He looked curiously at James, who was staring intently at him.  “What is it?”  
  
James drained the mug, and placed it gently on the plate, pushing the cutlery to one side.   “I’ve been giving some thought to _not_ resigning... and about going for promotion.”  
  
“Since when?”  To say Robbie was stunned was an understatement.  James had been so adamant about changing career, and Robbie had assumed he’d been working on his postgraduate application over the past couple of weeks.  
  
James sat up straight on the stool.  “Since you said you were willing to take a chance on me, when this–”  James opened his arms wide.  “–became something more than an impossible dream.”  
  
“What changed your mind?”  Robbie leant on one elbow, his palm flat on the bar, curiosity and wonder winning over the shock.  
  
“Tell me something.”  James mirrored Robbie’s position.  “If I can leave the job – the shit, the ugliness – at work, do you believe it could make a difference?  Do you think it helped you having Val and the kids to go home to?”  
  
Robbie didn’t have to think about his answer.  “I know it did.  You can’t talk vice or murder or any of it over the dinner table with someone who’s not in the job, and definitely not around little ears.  You have to leave it out of the house.”  
  
James nodded.  “That’s what I hoped you’d say.  I want to see if that works for me.  If you’re retired, I couldn’t discuss active cases with you, I’d have to leave it on the doorstep, at the very least.  I could give it a year.  If it works I stay, if not I leave.  What do you think?”  Apprehension and eagerness shone in James’s eyes.  
  
“If Innocent thinks you might pack it in within a year she might not approve your application – you’ve got to get through the exam, and then a year’s assessment as an acting Inspector.  Innocent likes you, there’s no doubt about that, and I’m damn sure she’ll do whatever she can to keep you, but she has to answer higher up.  The ACC and CC are tight-arsed when it comes to the budget.  If they think there’s any chance of you leaving before justifying the expense and time, they _will_ knock your application on the head, quick smart.”  
  
“Then I won’t mention that part.  It might be a moot point, anyway.”  
  
Robbie reached across and covered James’s hand with his own.  “The most important thing is that you follow your head and your heart, and do what’s best for you.  I’ll support you, whatever decision you make.  Answer me one thing honestly: do you want to stay in the police?”  
  
James paused, thought for a moment, and nodded.  “I want to be where I can make a difference and not hate the person I am.  I’d like to find out if not living the job twenty-four seven can help me start to see the good in others again.”  
  
Robbie squeezed James’s hand.  “What about wanting a change?”  
  
Gazing fondly, James reached up and stroked Robbie’s cheek.  “I have that.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

The following day they met up not far from the station for lunch.  In between two tedious morning meetings, Robbie had been busy, making an appointment with Innocent’s PA, and getting to the bank to retrieve the storage unit padlock key.   
  
“Earliest I could get us in to see Innocent is half eight tomorrow.”  James nodded, keeping his face neutral as Robbie continued.  “Getting to the storage unit’s going to be a bugger, though.  Innocent wants me to join her at some concert or other tonight, and I’m booked in to speak at another Rotary Club tomorrow night – did you know there are sixty bloody clubs in the Thames Valley district?”  He stopped and scowled at James’s undisguised amusement.  
  
“To save you the bother – and no, I’m not going to volunteer to relieve you of either of those tasks...”  James grinned harder at Robbie’s disgruntled humpf.   “I’m happy to check out the unit on my own – if that’s okay with you.  I know how much room the boxes need, and that’s all you were going to do, wasn’t it? “  
  
Virtually everything Robbie had left that connected him to Val and their life together – to his family’s life – was in that unit.  It was deeply personal, and priceless.  He had never told Laura about it, and even Lyn wasn’t aware of its existence, having left for Manchester after the sale of the house, but before Robbie had packed everything up.  Robbie hesitated only momentarily, and handed James the key.   “You’ll need the PIN number too.  It’s the last four digits of me warrant number.”  He smiled as James rolled his eyes.   
  
“I suppose I should be relieved it’s not ‘zero, zero, zero, zero’.”  James dodged Robbie’s playful swipe at his head.  “I’ll drop by on the way home – my last appointment finishes at four, so that should give me plenty of time.”  
  
They said goodbye with a quick hug, each as astonished as the other that it occurred, and both grinning like fools as they parted.  Robbie returned to the station for yet another meeting, while James headed back to the training centre.  
  
***  
  
Robbie returned the flat that night, tired and hungry.  James was sitting at the breakfast bar, wearing the same clothes he’d put on that morning.  A half-full wine glass and some loose papers were scattered in front of him.  Robbie walked up to him and kissed him softly in greeting.   
  
“You really do have no doubts about this, about us, do you?  Not one.”  James’s voice matched the wonder in his eyes.  
  
“Not one.”  Robbie whispered, leaning in to kiss him again.  “You?”  
  
“None.”  James’s answer was muffled against Robbie’s smile.  
  
Straightening up, Robbie picked up and drained James’s glass of wine.  James scowled and pouted in mock indignation.  
  
“There’s more in the bottle if you’re that desperate for a drink.”  
  
“I’m more in need of something to eat – bloody fancy finger food doesn’t make a decent tea,” Robbie grumbled.  
  
James was off the stool and at the fridge before Robbie could say anything else.  “I saved you some lamb bhuna, rice, dahl and naan.  Would you like it now?”  
  
Robbie sighed with relief.  “Yes, please, pet.  Thanks.”  The warmth of James’s smile dulled the weariness he felt.  
  
James poured Robbie a fresh glass of wine and refilled his own, then sorted the dishes for reheating.   
  
“By the way,” James said, “there’s plenty of room in the unit for those boxes.  I hope you don’t mind, but I rang Adam, from the band–”  
  
“Monty’s minder?”  
  
“Yep, same Adam.  Anyway, he’s happy to help me move the boxes from Laura's, and he can borrow his uncle’s work van, so we could do it in one trip.”  
  
Robbie nodded his approval.  “That’ll save my back.  When were you thinking of doing it?”  
  
“It could only be this Saturday.  I know you wanted to go to the allotment this weekend, but if you’re willing to give me the key to Dr Hobson’s, Adam and I can get it done in the morning, and I can meet you at the allotment in the afternoon.”  
  
“Don’t suppose Adam’d be willing to do some digging, as well?”  Robbie grinned behind his glass and ducked as James threw the tea towel at him.  
  
***  
  
Drowsy after his dinner, Robbie sank into the couch.  He’d helped James clean up, and poured the last of the wine into his glass.  James had gone to shower.  Monty leapt lightly up onto the back of the couch and settled down behind Robbie's head, purring loudly.  Robbie closed his eyes and relaxed.  
  
A gentle shake of his shoulder woke him.  
  
“I think you should shower and come to bed, this couch won't help your back, you know.”  James was next to him on the couch, one leg tucked underneath him.  His forearm lingered against Robbie's shoulder, fingers teasing the hair behind his ear.  Robbie leant into the touch and gave a slight nod.  
  
James stood, Robbie's empty glass in one hand, and offered his other hand to Robbie, who took it gratefully.  As Robbie rose to his feet, James tugged him closer and held him, burying his face against his neck.  They stood in the middle of the living room for a long moment, wrapped in each other.  
  
“Right, shower and bed,” murmured Robbie.  “Otherwise, I might fall asleep again right here.”   
  
With a small nod, James led Robbie down the hallway.  
  
***  
  
Robbie stared at the bedside table.   
  
“Where did you...?”  His gaze drifted up to James standing beside him.  
  
“I didn’t think you’d mind,” James stammered.  “I was moving a few pieces around earlier this evening and they were at the top of one of the boxes.  If I’ve done something wrong I’m sorr–”  
  
Robbie tugged his head down and silenced him with a deep kiss.  
  
Breathlessly breaking the kiss, Robbie rested his forehead against James.  “Thank you, pet.”  
  
Robbie looked back to the bedside table, where the faces of Val and his grandson now smiled up at him from their carefully chosen frames.  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

Robbie sat on the small couch in the waiting area outside Innocent's office.  James stood to the left, his forehead resting against the window.  Neither spoke, simply because there was no need to.  They’d already talked over what they were going to tell her.   
  
Robbie watched James out of the corner of his eye, and pondered where they were right now.  In less than a fortnight, they had gone from recognising what they felt for each other, to talking about long-term plans.  While their relationship had appeared to move faster than anyone could have foreseen, in truth it had taken years.  Robbie felt at peace.   
  
On the basis of what was little more than a kiss and a promise, he was ready to look for a home with James, yet when Laura had asked him to move in with her, he’d delayed his decision.  He hadn’t had an opportunity to tell James about the money in the bank – the remains of Morse’s inheritance and the proceeds of the sale of the house he'd shared with Val – and even though he'd separately invested funds for Lyn and Mark, it was still a sizeable amount.  There was more than enough to be able to buy something fairly decent, and not unreasonably far from the station – if James wanted to.   
  
A tap on the shoulder brought him back in to the present.  James was moving towards the doorway where Innocent was waiting.  
  
“Sometime today would be good, Lewis.”  
  
He pushed himself to his feet and followed.  
  
***  
  
James was biting his bottom lip, and Innocent had sat back heavily in her chair, studying them both intently.  Robbie took it a good sign that she was neither yelling nor rubbing her temples furiously.   
  
“Let me see if I’ve got this straight.”  She took a deep breath.  “James, you’re withdrawing your resignation _and_ putting yourself forward for promotion.”  James nodded.  “And Robbie, you’re bringing your retirement forward to the end of next month,” she said quietly.  
  
“Yes, ma’am.”   
  
“And you’re living together.  In James’s flat.”  She glanced from one to the other.  “James’s one bedroom flat.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am.”   
  
The silence that followed verged on the edge of uncomfortable.   
  
Innocent sat up straight.  “I suppose it’s safe to assume you’ve spoken with Dr Hobson, and that this isn’t going to be a nasty shock when she returns?”  
  
Robbie nodded.  “I went down to see her at the weekend.  I couldn’t have lived with meself if I’d put off telling her, or told her any other way.”  
  
“I would have expected no less of you, Robbie.”  She smiled warmly.  “It’s a wonderful gift you have, to be able to deliver unpleasant news with great kindness, though I can only begin to imagine how hard that particular conversation would have been.”  Innocent leant forward, elbows on the desk, her head cradled in her hands.  Her expression puzzled Robbie.  He would have sworn she looked… pleased.  He quickly realised he was right when she smiled indulgently.  “I really am very happy for both of you, even though you could have put me in an awkward spot.  Fortunately, with things as they are, my course of action is crystal clear.”  She paused, and considered them for a moment.  “It’s entirely up to you when – and if – you choose to make it common knowledge.  Though this is a police station – one whiff of gossip and, before you know it, everyone will want to know if you’ve set a date.”  
  
James made a small, surprised noise, and Robbie was momentarily confused.  _Date?  Oh, date!  _Robbie hadn’t seriously considered civil partnership.  James’s reaction indicated he may have.  Robbie knew it was an option, but he was also very aware the government was still considering same-sex marriage legislation.  If he and James were to consider formalising their relationship, he’d rather wait for that.  He made a mental note to find a time and place to talk with James about it, learn what he wanted. __  
  
“It’s just a shame you hadn’t sorted yourselves out earlier,” Innocent scolded gently.  
  
Robbie felt himself blush.  “Laura did mention that she – and you – had wondered if James and I had, um.  If we were, ah.   We weren’t.  We hadn’t.  I didn’t have a clue until after Laura and I were together.”  
  
Innocent narrowed her eyes slightly, though they never lost their softness.  “You have considered all the implications of this, haven’t you?”  
  
Robbie looked fondly at James who returned the gaze, displaying his complete trust in Robbie.  “We both know it’s not going to be easy, ma’am.  No relationship’s straightforward – you once pointed that out to me.”  Robbie sat up straight, and James mimicked his action.   
  
Seemingly satisfied with whatever she saw, Innocent nodded once and sat back, her demeanour all business once again.  
  
“Right, then.  It’s my understanding that Dr Hobson is due back in a couple of weeks.  James, if you’re serious about going for promotion you’ll have to return to normal duties.  That means liaising with the pathologist, with Dr Hobson.  It could be awkward.  Are you prepared for that?”  
  
“I’d be more surprised if there wasn’t some level of awkwardness, ma’am.”  James hunched forward.  “But, until it’s a reality, I don’t believe any of us really know how it will all pan out.  Dr Hobson _is_ a professional; she’s as capable of detachment as am I.”  
  
“Not always,” Robbie muttered.  
  
“What?”  James’s head swivelled around.  
  
“Robbie?”  Innocent frowned.  
  
“You forgetting a couple of years back, James, when you saw her at the restaurant with what’s-his-name...?”  
  
“Franco?” James offered.  
  
“Aye, Franco.  She wasn’t very detached about that then.”  
  
“Well, no, not entirely.”  James frowned.  “Then I’ll have to make certain I am.”  
  
Innocent cleared her throat, bringing their attention back to her.  
  
“There are still two weeks in which to get applications in for the next OSPRE exam, James, otherwise you’ll have to wait for next round – that’s nearly nine months away.  If you want to apply, you have my support.  Given the recent developments it may fall on me to supervise your Step Four, but that’s a task I’ll willingly undertake, if necessary.  If you're in agreement, you’ll return to normal duties as soon as I can reassign you to another governor.”   
  
“Yes, ma’am.”  
  
“Lewis, are you happy to work out your remaining time at the training centre?  It’s either that or cold cases.”  
  
“I’ll stay where I am, ma’am, if that’s easier for all concerned.”  
  
***  
  
James dropped Robbie at the centre to start his day, while he was scheduled to visit a primary school which had been heavily vandalised at some point over the previous weekend.  
  
“Would you ever consider it?” James asked quietly, as Robbie undid his seat belt.  “Civil partnership, that is?”  
  
Robbie slowly guided the seat belt back towards the door frame, and turned to James.  He reached out and cradled James’s neck, not giving a damn who saw them.  “It’s not a decision to be made lightly.  Personally, I think I’d prefer to wait until we can get married proper.  What do you think? “  
  
James’s expression of joy said more than any words ever could.  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

When they’d both previously submitted their notice, the news had moved around the station and training centre at its usual rapid pace and, to many, wasn’t really a surprise.  The speed with which news of their change of plans spread eclipsed that, and raised much speculation.  Innocent had kept them informed of the situation in the station via a series of short emails, stating she felt it was in James’s best interests to be aware.  Initial rumours that the two friends had had a falling out were quickly smothered when no evidence of a rift was seen.  Some had suspected that Lewis bringing forward his retirement was connected to his relationship with Dr Hobson, and whispers of anticipated nuptials had begun.  Neither James nor Lewis could be drawn on the subject, and Innocent was tight-lipped.   
  
It had also become common knowledge that James was on track for Inspector, and the most likely candidate for Lewis’s soon-to-be-vacant position, provided Innocent could keep it vacant until James’s OSPRE results were in.  That he would pass was a given.  James wasn’t completely comfortable with the sentiment – he’d heard more than a few snide comments – but he didn’t disagree with it, either; the pass mark of 65% was well within his capabilities, as was the 85% for an exceptional grade.  
  
Laura was the unknown quantity, and with the new flurry of rumours her absence was noted, even by those who usually had little to do with either pathology or the morgue.  The increased whisperings made Robbie more aware of her continued silence.  He wanted to know if she was okay.  Laura wasn’t as likely to withdraw into herself as someone like James could, but he was afraid that the longer she went without talking to someone – anyone – the greater the possibility she might.  He would have called her himself, but he was most likely the last person she wanted to hear from.

 

**********

 

The rest of the week was business as usual as far as Robbie and James were concerned.  By Friday, there had still been no word from Laura, nor any new rumours connected to her, Robbie or James.  
  
That was also the day Innocent called James back into her office.   
  
“James, your reassignment to DI Peterson has been approved, which I’m sure will come as no surprise to either you or Lewis.  You’ll start together Monday week and continue until your exam results are in.  In the meantime, you’ll stay where you are.  Do you have any questions?”  
  
“No, ma’am.  Thank you.”  
  
***  
  
James and Robbie had determined Peterson would be the obvious choice, and not only because he was the only senior officer who didn’t have a permanent bagman, having worked his way through a string of Detective Constables and Sergeants.  It wasn’t that he was a bad Governor – it was quite the opposite.  Alan Peterson, for all his rugged good looks he was all too aware of, and being a smarmy prat, had proven himself to be a bloody good teacher, guiding more than his fair share of officers successfully through their relevant OSPRE exams during his career as an Inspector.   
  
Now that it was confirmed, they agreed that Peterson should know about their relationship.  Robbie’s initial unease was tempered by James’s argument that it would serve no-one, least of all himself, to sit on something that would most certainly become public knowledge.   
  
“It’s not as though I’m going to sit the exam and never have to work with him again – despite what Innocent said, he could quite possibly be my supervising officer.  I’ve done some research.  In the past, officers have been given temporary promotions in order to facilitate various schemes or task forces.  With the NPPF it wouldn’t be unreasonable for the Chief Constable to consider that course of action where an appointed senior officer, in this case a DCI, isn’t readily available.  It also makes more sense than the Chief Super taking on that responsibility.  Anyway, whether that happens or not, I’m working with Peterson in the short term, and have to be able to trust him, and he, me.”  James hesitated.   “And I’m going to update my personal details: I’ll be listing you as my next of kin, if you have no objections.  That is something he may very well pick up on, and it will raise questions.  I’ll be more comfortable knowing everything’s out in the open.  If it’s going to be a problem for him, then I’m certain Innocent will be able to come up with an alternative.”  
  
Robbie had quietly accepted James’s logic, but James’s speech raised a question in his mind, one he was ashamed he had to admit to.  
  
“I don’t know who you currently have listed as next of kin.  It’s not something I’ve ever had cause to know.”  
  
James took his hand.  “Even knowing probably wouldn’t have helped if you’d ever had to contact them.  I have a cousin listed, but I have no idea if his details are current – we haven’t spoken since I left the seminary.  I had to put someone down, HR wouldn’t let me leave the entry blank.”  
  
“James, I...”  Robbie didn’t know how to finish his sentence.   
  
“Do you mind?  If I list you now?” James asked, his face anxious.  
  
Robbie wrapped his arm around James and drew him close.  “No, love.  Of course I don’t mind.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

Peterson knocked briskly at the door.  He and James weren’t due to start together for another week, and he'd been intrigued when James had invited him to dinner.  He’d accepted as much out of curiosity as courtesy.  James wasn’t known for offering casual invitations, except where Lewis was concerned.  When it was Lewis who opened the door, Peterson took a step back in surprise.  
  
“Lewis!  I hadn’t expected to see you here.”  
  
“You’re early.”  Lewis appeared as just as surprised to see him.  
  
Peterson looked at his watch.  “James said half-seven, and it’s half-seven now.”  
  
Lewis glanced quickly at his watch, and scowled.  “Right, ah, well, you’d best come in then.  I’m here to help James prepare dinner in return for him helping me at the allotment today.”  
  
Lewis took his coat and hung it next to two others already on the coat stand.  That was to be expected.  It had been a cold, windy day and Lewis would have been a fool not to have had a coat with him.  Over Lewis’s shoulder Peterson could see through the open bedroom door.  A phone sat on the bedside table, plugged in to be charged.  Peterson was puzzled as it wasn’t an iPhone, which he knew James carried, and he doubted even someone like James had two handsets.  But, more than anything else, it was the two pairs of shoes by the front door that caught his eye.  One pair were a style favoured by James – Peterson had hunted all over Oxford to find a similar pair for himself – the others weren’t to James’s taste at all and, as both pairs were sitting side by side, he could clearly see that the second pair was at least one, maybe two sizes smaller.  He glanced down at Lewis’s feet, expecting to see him in socks, but he was wasn’t.  Though it was all circumstantial, what it suggested had his mind working busily.  
  
James was startled when Peterson walked in behind Robbie, but recovered quickly, though the look he gave Lewis was a slightly nervous one.  Peterson was intrigued.  
  
***  
  
 “James, that meal was bloody marvellous – what other secrets are you hiding?”  Peterson clapped his hand on James’s shoulder.  
  
“Thank you, sir.”  The quick flush of colour that accompanied James’s words wasn’t the response Peterson had expected, and his mind immediately added it to everything else he had observed after walking through the front door.   
  
He’d watched both men as they worked together in the kitchen to bring dinner to the gateleg table that had been pushed up against the French doors.  Thought it was James’s flat, it was Lewis who’d explained that _they_ (his word) had borrowed the table and matching wooden folding chairs from James’s neighbour, as James didn’t have one.  As James’s kitchen was narrow, and he and Lewis were both tall men, it was inevitable that they would bump against each other as they moved around.  However, Peterson hadn’t expected the touching – hands in the small of the back, against hips, on shoulders or waists as they reached for implements and dishes.  _A courtship dance_.  That’s what it reminded him of.  And neither of them appeared to notice they were doing it.  
  
Lewis had made his apologies as soon as the meal was on the table.  
  
“Aren’t you joining us?” Peterson had asked carefully, watching the reactions of both men.  
  
“Ah, no, no.”  Lewis had waved his hand over the table.  “This is about you and James getting a chance to know each other.  You don’t need me for that.  I was just keeping a promise to help.”  
  
During the meal, James had carefully kept the conversation on relatively neutral ground.  If it hadn’t been a technique Peterson himself used, he may not have noticed how cleverly James skirted around any topic that touched on his relationship with Lewis, professionally or as friends.  
  
Peterson focused back on James, who had begun to look a little uncomfortable.  
  
“Is everything alright, James?”  
  
James looked him in the eye and took a deep breath.  
  
“As you’re going to be my Governor, there’s something I believe you should know–”  
  
“You and Lewis are living together, and by living together, I don’t mean simply sharing a flat,” Peterson stated coolly.  James’s look of surprise told him he’d put the pieces together correctly.  “Is that why Dr Hobson – Laura – is away?” Peterson queried.  “Did she find out you were seeing Lewis at the same time as he was living with her?”  He jerked back in his chair as James half stood in his chair.  
  
“I would never become involved with someone while they were in another relationship – it goes against everything I believe, and what Inspect– _Robbie_ believes.”  He lowered himself back into the chair, as Peterson raised one hand in a gesture of peace.  “When I... when we realised what we felt for each other...  Robbie broke off his relationship with Laura before we went any further – it was the only honest thing to do.  I never asked him to do anything, I never expected anything.  But it is what it is.”  James now sat tall in his chair, calm and confident.   
  
Peterson frowned.  “I don’t understand.  I thought Lewis and Laura were...?”  He struggled to grasp how someone like Lewis could jump from one relationship to another in such a short space of time, never mind from a woman – a rather remarkable woman, Peterson thought – to a man, to James.  If asked, he would have asserted Robbie was completely straight.  
  
He waited patiently as James refilled their glasses, pouring with great precision.  James took a sip of his wine and a steadying breath.  
  
“They were.  The details aren’t really anyone else’s business, sir.  But I can assure you that, despite how it seems, Robbie has treated Dr Hobson with respect and dignity.  He was faithful to her, and went to see her in person to tell her what had happened.  Dr Hobson’s on extended leave – she’s assisting a family member, something I’m sure any member of her team could tell you.  You should also know that Chief Superintendent Innocent is aware of the situation.”  
  
Peterson drained his glass and regarded James intently.  Had it been anyone else, he would have considered himself the victim of an elaborate and extremely well-planned practical joke.  But he couldn’t deny the evidence of his own eyes, and when he factored in what he knew of both men, their honesty and integrity, he had no option but to accept what James had told him.  And if Innocent knew, and had accepted their new status, then he could too.  
  
Peterson had been aware from his early days at the station that Lewis and James had a remarkable relationship.  It was something he would never have with James.  Nor with any bagman, he expected.  _What those two have is quite extraordinary._   Should he really be so surprised that it had developed into something further?  Were he to be completely truthful with himself, a part of him envied what they had.  
  
“Tell me something,” James asked, breaking through his reverie.  “Robbie being here when you arrived – that’s what gave it away, wasn’t it?”  
  
“Not exactly.  I could quite easily accept that he was here returning a favour.  It was watching you together in the kitchen, Lewis’s phone in the bedroom, the shoes by the front door, your body language – it all spoke of more than friendship.  Though, if Lewis _hadn’t_ been here when I arrived, and if this was a two-bedroom flat, I may not have been as certain.”  He smiled lopsidedly.  “I am a detective, and quite a reasonable one, according to some.”  
  
“Ah,” James exclaimed softly.  “We lost track of time.  Robbie was supposed to be gone, the flat sorted, and dinner on the table before you arrived.”  James frowned.  “He’s waiting down the pub, by the way.”  
  
Peterson felt sure he knew what was going through his mind.  “If it’s any comfort, I haven’t heard any rumours around the station – apart from the one that has Lewis and Laura getting married on New Year’s Eve.  Probably best not to let him hear about that one,” he added at James’s look of horror.  “Perhaps if you'd both still been based in the station, it might have been a different story.”   
  
Peterson drank slowly, his eyes on James.  “Lewis has always struck me as... well, as a man of great honour and integrity – you both have.  You have my word that no-one will hear anything from me.  And, just so you know – I’ll never judge anyone by whom they fall in love with, but I _will_ judge them by how they treat that person and the others around them.”  
  
He held out his hand to James.  “It will be a privilege to be your Governor, James, and I want to assure you that you have my support, both of you.”  
  
“Thank you, sir.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie arrived home fifteen minutes after James called to say Peterson had left.  
  
He found James filling the roasting pan with warm water and lemon juice to soak overnight.  The rest of the dishes were in the drying rack.  Robbie came up behind James and wrapped his arms around his waist.  He dropped a single kiss on the back of James’s neck.  
  
“How’d it go?”  
  
“Peterson had worked it out for himself before I said anything.”  
  
“Ah.  I wondered.  Sorry, I should’ve kept a better eye on the time.”  
  
“Me, too,” James said with a sigh.  He turned around in Robbie’s arms.  “It’s okay, though.  Put the kettle on while I finish here and I’ll tell you.”  
  
  
  
  
“Married?  On New Year’s Eve?  You’re joking?”  
  
“That’s what he said, and there’s no reason why he’d make it up.  He thought I shouldn’t tell you but I felt you had a right to know – it concerns you as well, after all.”  
  
“Here’s hoping that rumour runs out of steam before Laura’s back.  Last thing she’s going to want is people asking her about a wedding.”  Robbie slumped back in the couch.  
  
“That was Peterson’s thought as well.  He’s going to see Innocent on Monday, find out if she’s aware of what’s being said, and if anything can be done.”  
  
“In my experience, the fastest way to fuel a rumour is to try and kill it.  Maybe ignoring it’s the best course of action.”  Robbie took James’s hand and lightly stroked his thumb across the back of it.  “Odds are you’ll be asked about it if it’s still going around.”  
  
“I’ve been thinking about that.  If anyone does ask, I’ll simply explain that you’ve said nothing to me.  They can take it or leave it.”  
  
“If it’s handled well maybe you won’t need to say anything.”  
  
“Time will tell.”  James leant in and kissed Robbie’s cheek.  “Speaking of which, time for bed?”  James stood and offered Robbie his hand.  
  
“Thought you’d never ask.”   
  
  
  



	18. Chapter 18

James’s first week as Peterson’s bagman had proved to be a quiet one.  To his great relief, Peterson had been primarily been involved with a major fraud investigation, and most of James’s duties had involved working through convoluted paper trails, a task he could bury himself in with ease; leaving his work at the station had been effortless.  However, he knew that at the conclusion of this case, they would be back on rotation, and he would very likely be facing the type of cases that had previously worn him down.   
  
Peterson was less sociable than Robbie had been as a Governor, and James had been free to go straight home every night.  Initially concerned that it was an unconscious response on Peterson’s part to his relationship with Robbie, James had sought out his last bagman.   
  
“No, he’s an odd sort, Peterson is.”  DS Stephens had shaken his head knowingly when James had cornered him in the break room.  “End of an intense case, or if it’s your birthday or something, he’ll go for a pint, but otherwise he keeps to himself.  I thought it was me, but Hooper, and a couple of others who’ve worked with him, have all said the same.”  
  
The policeman in James wanted to dig deeper, and unravel the mystery of DI Peterson.  The friend in him, for he was prepared to consider Peterson a friend, said ‘let it be’.  Peterson had so far been true to his word, and never mentioned James’s relationship with Robbie, not even to James.  The very least James could do was give Peterson the same level of respect and privacy.  
  
***  
  
James was still in wonder at Robbie’s comfortable acceptance of their relationship, and going home in the evening to someone who loved him was a joy James never dared believed could be his.  He’d also been delightfully surprised at Robbie’s receptiveness to his advances in the short weeks they’d been together.  On several occasions, including their first night in the flat, he’d been prepared for Robbie to say ‘no’.  Instead, Robbie was often the one who reached out first.  James put it down to Robbie’s years with Val.  They were yet to move beyond kissing and cuddling, though they were spending increasingly longer periods in each other’s arms.  James had chosen to take his lead from Robbie, to move forward at his pace.  Despite that, or perhaps because of it, James was beyond content with what they had now, though everything he knew – and was learning – about Robbie told him there could easily be more in the future.  
  
***  
  
Arriving home weary towards the end of the week, having been shooed out the office by Peterson at six, James was met at the door by Robbie.  James had sunk into his welcoming embrace and allowed himself to be led to the couch.  His fatigue had lifted as Robbie kissed him, his lips tickling faintly against his neck and jaw.  James had surrendered to Robbie’s touch.  He’d woken with a snuffle over an hour later, lying against the arm of the couch with a pillow under his head, a blanket tucked over his shoulder, and the aroma of something delicious coming from the oven.  
  
“Feeling better?”  Robbie crouched down in front of him as he pushed himself upright.  “Dinner’ll be ready in about twenty minutes if you want to have a shower or change.”  
  
James knew instinctively that he didn’t need to apologise for falling asleep.  He smiled and caressed Robbie’s cheek.  “Bit early for a shower, but getting out of these clothes wouldn’t be a bad idea,” he grunted as he rose to his feet.  
  
***  
  
Wearing only boxers, Robbie lay in bed waiting for James.  In the almost-three weeks they’d been sharing a bed, he’d always worn pyjamas.  The shower had stopped some minutes earlier, and he listened to the now-familiar sounds of James moving around the small bathroom.  The sudden quiet as the bathroom fan went off signalled that he had finished.  Robbie held his breath as James climbed into bed.  
  
James snuggled up to Robbie’s back, as he’d grown accustomed to doing, stilling when his fingers brushed across Robbie’s naked torso.  
  
“What's this?” James rumbled in a low voice, his lips brushing the sensitive skin behind Robbie’s ear.  “No pyjamas?”  James sighed a smile when Robbie shivered as he trailed his fingers down his side – Robbie felt the curve of his lips, and the small puff of warm air.  
  
Robbie took a steadying breath.  “I thought we could...”  They’d kissed and touched, but not what Robbie regarded as intimately.  Their caresses were nearly always through clothes, and their hands, consciously or unconsciously, stopped their descent at waistbands.  Until very recently Robbie had been satisfied with that, using the slow pace to become familiar with James, with a male body in his arms.  He suspected James had also been moving slowly for his benefit.  But now Robbie wanted more.  He wasn’t sure how to ask James – he had never been comfortable talking about sex – so had chosen to show him instead.  He gently grasped James's hand and placed it over the front of his boxers.  A small tremor went through him when James lightly cupped his cock through the fabric.  He felt rather than heard James exhale as his hand drifted up lightly, coming to rest against Robbie’s belly.  James hooked his thumb into the waistband and pressed his lips to Robbie's shoulder.   
  
“What did you have in mind?”  
  
Robbie pushed himself up on one elbow and rolled on to his back to look at James, who shuffled back to give him room.  “I'm not sure, but I wanted you to know that I'm ready for... for whatever happens next.  That I'm not going to... back away without giving... whatever... a fair go.”  
  
James kissed Robbie gently as his hand slipped inside Robbie’s boxers and over his hip.   “I used to lie here some nights and imagine what it would be like to have you in my arms, in my bed.  You're here now, but I still want to pinch myself.  In my imaginings, we took our time, exploring and discovering each other slowly, our likes and dislikes, what aroused and what didn't.  It was about touching and fondling, loving and being loved.”  James had interspersed his words with small kisses along Robbie's jaw, chin and throat, turning the trembling into shivers of pleasure.  
  
“God, James,” Robbie gasped.  He pushed his hips upward and his now-hard cock brushed against James’s arm.  James rose up on one elbow, hovering over him, and Robbie stretched up and claimed James’s mouth, opening up to his eager tongue.  James's hand slipped under Robbie's hip, sweeping in a circle over his thigh before coming to rest, fingers splayed, on his arse.  Robbie pushed his hands under James’s t-shirt, one around his waist, anchoring James to him, the other up across James's shoulder.  Robbie moaned softly as James's hands began to roam and he deepened the kiss.  This was what he wanted.   
  
James carefully pushed Robbie's boxers down, freeing his cock, and taking it in his warm palm.  Robbie groaned and thrust into the grip.  In a last moment of clarity, before the sensations overwhelmed him, he was thankful for the time he'd been with Laura.  He knew for certain, had James been the first person, other than himself, to touch him intimately, he would have come far too soon.  He knew because he had with Laura, and it had been uncomfortable.  Laura had been considerate and thoughtful and had tried to comfort him, but her clinical explanation hadn't completely eased his embarrassment, nor fully calmed the fear that it might happen again.  It hadn't, of course, but the memory, like all moments of deep mortification, was etched in his mind.  
  
James crooned soft words as he skilfully stroked Robbie's length, kissing his neck and finding his mouth.  Robbie gave himself over to James's ministrations and, with a deep grunt, came hard over James's fist and his own belly.  James continued to stroke him gently through his orgasm.  
  
Robbie's head felt leaden, and he sank back into his pillow.  
  
“Oh, that was brilliant, pet,” he murmured, his hands caressing James's back.  
  
James dropped small kisses down Robbie's neck and chest.  With the tip of his tongue, he encircled Robbie's nipples, stimulating one then the other, chuckling softly at Robbie's moans of pleasure.  Robbie closed his eyes and tipped his head back as James's head came to rest on his shoulder.  James started to rock slightly, and Robbie was vaguely aware of a familiar, soft, wet sound, but it wasn't until James grunted and his shoulders jerked that Robbie connected the dots through the fog of his own orgasm.  He cradled the back of James’s head and kissed his forehead  
  
“James, love, I would have–”  
  
James stretched up and stopped him with a kiss.  
  
“Next time.  Promise,” he whispered.  His breathing began to steady and he nuzzled into Robbie's neck.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Robbie arrived at the pub nearly half an hour later than he’d told James he’d be there.  His phone battery had died as he’d sent a short text James to let him know he was running late, so he wasn’t sure he’d received the message.  He’d been held up by the Director of the training centre, who was desperately trying to convince him to take up a contract to stay on after his retirement from the force.  It had been a tempting offer.  Robbie enjoyed the work he was doing, and had it been a part-time position he would have raised it with James.  As it was, they’d talked about what Robbie would do with his ‘life of leisure’, and had agreed that he had earned the right to slow down.  In the end, Robbie had promised the Director he’d consider the offer, anything so he could be on his way.   
  
The Friday night crowd was well on its way to becoming disorderly, and James looked fed up.  He brightened considerably when he saw Robbie.  
  
“Sorry I'm late, James.  Did you get my message?”  James nodded.  Robbie was amused by James's look of horror as he explained his tardiness, but he didn't have the heart to string him along for more than a few minutes.  
  
“I’m not taking up the offer, ya numpty.  I’m more than ready to take a back seat.”  
  
James stood held out his hand.  “Just for that, you're paying for dinner _and_ the next round.”  
  
Laughing, Robbie handed him a twenty-pound note.  “And I want the bloody change.”  
  
He watched James manoeuvre his way across the floor.  As James reached the bar, DI Grainger stepped bodily in front of Robbie, blocking his view.  He was swaying slightly.  
  
“So, you’ll be heading up to Scotland after your retirement, then?”  He spoke slowly, enunciating each word carefully.   
  
“Eh?”   _Scotland? What the bloody hell?_  
  
Grainger lowered himself unsteadily into James's empty seat.  He spoke louder and more slowly than before.  “You’ll be joining Dr Hobson on sabbatical?”  It came out as ‘spat-ical’.  Robbie wanted to tell him to bugger off, but his last four words were like a slap in the face.  
  
“What sabbatical?”  
  
Robbie was confused and worried.  Laura was more impulsive than either he or James, but not _that_ impulsive.  He knew she liked Scotland as she’d taken several holidays there over the years he’d known her, and if Grainger had said she was taking another holiday, that wouldn’t have surprised him as much.  But a year?  And a sabbatical?  Just like that?  That wasn’t Laura’s way.  He wouldn’t have expected her to tell him, not with things as they were at the moment, but Laura would never leave her team in the lurch.  There would have been phone calls and emails, and Innocent would have picked up something on the grapevine.  _She_ would have let him know if there was something going on.  Was it even possible to organise a sabbatical in such a short period of time?  
  
He blinked furiously.  Grainger was scowling at him, confusion twisting his features.  “Rumour has it she’s taking a year off, heading up to Edinburgh.  I thought you and Dr Hobson were...”  He made a gesture that Robbie considered offensive and very out of character for Grainger, and he felt a rush of anger.  He wanted him gone.  Over Grainger's shoulder, Robbie saw James approach cautiously, his head cocked slightly as though he were trying to eavesdrop.  
  
“What Dr Hobson and I are is no-one else’s business.”  Robbie’s voice was low and cold.  “And since when did you start giving credence to station gossip?”  
  
He glared at Grainger, causing him to shrink back.  When James’s shadow darkened the table, Grainger glanced up at him and, muttering something unintelligible, stood up clumsily.  He barely caught the chair before it hit the floor, and he stumbled back towards the bar.   
  
Robbie shook his head slowly.  
  
James put the two pints on the table and pulled the chair around, though he remained standing.  Robbie noticed it brought James closer and would give them both a clear view of the bar.   
  
“Do you want to go?” James murmured, tipping his head towards the door.  
  
Robbie shook his head.  “Nah.  The state Grainger's in, it'd just add fuel to the fire.  God knows what the rumours'd be like then.”  
  
“I couldn’t hear anything over the noise – what rumours?” James asked warily, sitting down.  He frowned as Robbie repeated Grainger's words.  “Do you think there's any truth in it?”  
  
“Laura taking a sabbatical some day’s not beyond the realm of possibility, but not ‘like that’.”  Robbie snapped his fingers.  “Grainger has to be talking out of his arse.”  Robbie took a long, slow drink, and nodded towards the bar.  “How long 'til dinner's ready?”  
  
***  
  
It was barely eight when they arrived home.  After changing into his favourite tracky bottoms and long-sleeved t-shirt, James set up his laptop on the coffee table.  
  
“You're not working, are you?”  Robbie placed Monty’s food bowl on the floor and walked over to the couch, deftly dodging the cat as he scooted towards his dinner.  “Thought you had a clear weekend?”  
  
“I do.” James slumped back against the couch and smiled happily.  “But it's still early yet, so I thought I'd take a look and see what the rental market’s like – get a feel for what's out there.  Do you have any preferences?”  
  
Robbie nodded thoughtfully.  It was the first time either of them had raised the issue of moving, despite the fact they both knew James’s flat was too small to be practical for much longer.   
  
“Are you just going to look at rentals?  How would you feel about buying instead?  A place we could call ours.”  
  
James’s head tilted slowly to one side, and his lips parted with a breath “oh”.  Robbie wasn’t sure how he felt when James didn’t leap at the suggestion.  He didn’t want to rush James into anything, but he’d been sure James was receptive to the idea.  
  
“Ah, maybe it’s too soon to be...”   
  
“Yes, I mean no, I mean...” James blurted out.  He shook his head briskly.  “Yes.  I’d like a place that’s _ours_.  No, it’s not too soon.  It’s...  can we afford to?  I’ve got very little in the way of savings, and we’d need a deposit.  And then there’s the mortgage to consider.  If we were both going to be on Inspector’s salaries, I’d say we’d probably manage, but mine won’t be up there for a few more months, by which time you’ll be retired and on your pension.  What lender would seriously consider us?”  
  
Robbie took his place next to James on the couch.  “A good mortgage broker could recommend a lender.  And we have a deposit, a damn good one.”  
  
“What deposit?”  
  
Robbie explained about Morse, and the sale of the house.  He’d never seen James’s eyes widen as much as they did when he told him the amount.  
  
“Bloody hell,” he whispered in shock.  “Why didn’t you tell me before?”  
  
“If I had, would it have made a difference to anything?”  
  
James thought for a moment.  “No.  I suppose not.  Did Laura know?”  
  
“No.”  He squirmed under James’s intense gaze.  “The subject of money never came up – not like that.  Of course we talked about the day to day stuff, but it wasn’t as though we were thinking of buying a house together.”  Robbie fleetingly considered explaining the provisions of his current will to James, but as he was already planning to change it, he thought it was better to save that conversation for another day.  If James asked, he’d answer him honestly, though he sincerely doubted James would.  “If things hadn’t changed, I would have told her one day, when the time was right.”  
  
James nodded slowly as he looked back at the browser window he’d opened.  “I’ve never had a permanent home.  Lodge Farm was tied to the estate – no job, no home.  Then it was dormitories and colleges, then the seminary, and then rented flats.  I’d discarded the idea of ever having a home I could call my own years ago.  But then...”  He turned back to Robbie.  “...I’d discarded the idea of finding love, too.”   
  
The tenderness in James’s eyes rendered Robbie speechless.  Instead, he cradled James’s cheek, slipped one arm around his waist to draw him nearer, and kissed him.   
  
  
  
When they separated, James’s laptop had gone into sleep mode, and James was flushed and rumpled.  He cleared his throat.  
  
“Yes, let’s do it.  Look for a home to buy.  Now.  Tonight.  Look, that is, not actually buy.”  
  
It was such a rare occurrence for James to be completely flustered and Robbie delighted in the knowledge that it was his fault.  He nuzzled at James’s neck.   
  
“You wanted to know if I had any preferences?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Something bigger than this or my old place, obviously, but nothing too big.  It'd be nice to have a wee garden, and maybe a spare room for guests, and somewhere to store things.  And a bath would be nice, big enough for two.”  He winked as James’s blush bloomed again.  
  
“Right.”  James gave himself a small shake and dragged a cushion onto his lap, balancing the laptop on it.  “What price range?”  He blinked at the figure Robbie suggested.  
  
“It’s reasonable.  A couple of years back Lyn asked me if I’d ever consider buying again.  To humour her, I sat down with Tim and we looked at some mortgage options.  They had no idea how much was in the bank, so we just worked with my annual salary figure.  When Lyn realised the best I’d be able to consider was a flat or small terrace in Blackbird Leys she dropped the idea of me buying in Oxford.  But, if you add the figure Tim came up with to what you now know is in the bank, the options increase dramatically.”  
  
James blinked again.  “We should make an appointment to see a mortgage broker, to get a definite figure.”  
  
“Aye, we will, and I’m sure you’ll be able to find us one.  If not, I could ask Tim if there’s anyone he’d recommend down here.  Now, start looking, wunderkind.”  
  
Robbie laid his head against James’s shoulder and watched the changing screen as James began browsing.  Some properties were easily discarded for one reason or another – too big, too much work required, too far away from the police station and other amenities.  For those they deemed worthy of a second look, James either added to a list where he could, saved the brochure where it was available, or bookmarked the page to go back to later.  
  
“A quick review, then bed?” James murmured, tipping his head back to kiss Robbie.  Robbie nodded.  
  
There were several places that looked suitable, but no more or less than Robbie had estimated they might find.  He’d used some free time to browse the listings at a couple of the agents near the training centre, more out of curiosity than a serious look for a new home at that stage.  As Robbie had suspected, it looked like they’d have to move further away from the station, but not excessively so.  Based on what they’d found so far, James would be looking at an extra fifteen minutes of driving time each way at most.   
  
“We’ll have to contact the agents and see when they’re having viewings.” James started an email to himself, cutting and pasting agents’ and property details. “Although it probably makes more sense to arrange a mortgage broker first.  Are you happy for me to start making a few calls next week?”  
  
Robbie held back the small snort of amusement. James was never happy leaving a job half-done.  “Aye, go ahead, pet.”  
  
  



	20. Chapter 20

Robbie made a concerted effort to put Grainger's comments out of his mind for the rest of the weekend.  He kept telling himself Grainger had been talking codswallop, but couldn’t quite discard the possibility that there may be some truth behind it.  _No smoke without fire._   James helpfully ensured he had more pleasant things to think about, especially in the evenings.  
  
They'd only planned to spend a few hours in the allotment on Saturday and head home, but it was one of those days that encouraged slothfulness.  After doing what they needed to, James went off in search of sandwiches and coffee, while Robbie set up the deckchairs and card table in the sheltered yet sunny spot at the side of the shed.  James returned with a small feast, including two bottles of Abingdon Bridge which he wrapped in a damp sack and tucked just inside the shed door to keep cool until they were ready for them.  
  
***  
  
From under the brim of the hat that James insisted he wore, Robbie watched James as he lost himself in whichever ebook he currently had on his phone.  He smiled to himself each time James frowned and tutted, having no doubt found some glaring grammar error, or flawed plot line.  Beets the corgi had shuffled his way over and fallen asleep against Robbie’s feet, where the table cast its shadow.  If this was what retirement would be like, he was ready for it.  Lulled by the low hum of distant traffic and the effects of the midday beer, he folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes.  
  
***  
  
Robbie woke with a loud grunt as something heavy landed against his legs.   
  
“Beets.  Come here, fella.”  He heard James call quietly, and the pressure was gone.  Robbie levered himself as upright as possible.  A blur of green caught his eye, and Beets loped after the tennis ball James had thrown.  Robbie looked back at James, who was shielding his face against the glare of the mid-afternoon sun.  
  
“Sorry ’bout that.”  James pointed at Robbie’s shins.  “I guess he decided it was your turn to throw the ball.”  
  
“No bother.”  Robbie stood up carefully, determined not to fall back into the deckchair, and stretched out his body with a groan.  His legs felt like lead, and his back was going to give him hell tomorrow if he didn’t get some heat on it soon.  A glance at his watch revealed he’d slept for nearly two hours.   
  
A hand pressed gently against his back and he started.  James was beside him, concern etched on his face.  Robbie had been so absorbed in his aches that he hadn’t heard him move.  
  
“I’m fine.”  He reassured James.  “It’s nothing a hot shower and a couple of anti-inflammatories won’t fix, though the sooner that happens, the better.”  
  
James packed everything away into the shed, insisting Robbie touch nothing lest he aggravate his back further.  
  
***  
  
With his hands braced against the wall, Robbie bowed his head as the hot jets of water coursed over his shoulders and back.  He moaned softly to himself in relief as the combination of heat and medication began to work.  He’d stiffened up again during the ride home and had failed dismally in his attempt to hide it from James.  James, ever practical, having ensured Robbie didn’t need assistance, had marched into the flat ahead of him.  By the time Robbie limped through the door, James had set out a large glass of milk, a glass of water, and the anti-inflammatories on the breakfast bar.  James came out of the bedroom as Robbie was downing the tablets.  He’d changed into clean jeans and a hoodie, not his usual lounging wear.  
  
“Where’re you going?” Robbie asked curiously.  He had assumed James would... he wasn’t exactly sure what he expected, but whatever it was was based around James being at home with him.   
  
“Food shopping – unless you want scrambled eggs and beans again?”  James took the two empty glasses to the sink and rinsed them out.   “And there’re a couple of other things I need to pick up.  Besides...”  He turned and passed an appraising look over Robbie.  “The plan was for you to shower and rest, and unless you want me to read to you while you do that, I might as well do something useful in the meantime.”  
  
While Robbie rather liked the idea of drifting off while James read to him, James was right.  Of course, they could always go to the shops tomorrow, but if James went by himself today not only would it be quicker, it would leave their Sunday – possibly their last leisurely Sunday together for a while – completely free.  
  
“On you go, then.”  He kissed James and hobbled to the bathroom.  He heard the front door close as he turned the taps on.  
  
***  
  
Robbie opened his eyes as the soft clunk of the front door heralded James’s return.  Staying on his back, Robbie stared at the ceiling and blinked as his eyes came into focus.  He listened to the sound of cupboards and the fridge being opened and closed as quietly as possible, and the expected rustle of plastic.  James’s footfalls took him from the kitchen to the bathroom, but before they headed back there was more rustling and a loud whomp from the kitchen.  Monty had, no doubt, dived into an empty carrier bag without regard for where it was on the worktop and tumbled onto the floor.  In all the time Robbie had had Monty, he’d never been able to get the shopping away without the feline’s ‘assistance’.  He thought James would have also learned by now to never leave a bag unattended.  He chuckled at the mental image and groaned when it sent a hot dart down one side.  
  
“Is it still painful?” James murmured from the doorway.  Robbie glanced his way and tutted at James’s worried scowl.  James stepped towards the bed and placed a box on the bedside table.  “Roll over,” he said quietly.  He placed a hand each under Robbie’s shoulder and hip and helped him to carefully roll onto his stomach.  
  
Standing beside the bed, James slipped his hands under Robbie's t-shirt, pushing it up to expose his back.  Robbie shivered as the cooler air crept over his skin.  James's fingers brushed down Robbie’s sides and his thumbs hooked under the waist of Robbie’s tracky bottoms, tugging them and his boxers down, uncovering the top half of his buttocks.  Robbie raised his hips slightly to assist James.  Robbie heard the tearing of card as James opened the box.  
  
“What’ve you got there?” Robbie mumbled into the mattress as he adjusted his position.  
  
“An anti-inflammatory cream.  I’ll be gentle.”  There was a fond smile in James's voice.  
  
Robbie turned his head sideways to watch James, his nose brushing the bedclothes.  A faint trace of James’s aftershave clung to the sheets.  Robbie closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and slowly as James applied the cream, cool fingers lightly massaging it in.  Then James stopped.  Robbie held his breath as James climbed up onto the bed and straddled his thighs.  
  
“Relax, Robbie,” James murmured, and rested his hands on either side of Robbie's waist.   “I'll hurt _my_ back if I continue to do this standing by the bed.”  He moved his hands down to Robbie's hips and started to knead.  
  
Robbie rocked gently with the motion of James's hands.  At first he found it pleasurable as James worked over his hips and lower back, but as James worked harder the pleasure that had been building soon dissipated.  
  
“Not my idea of foreplay,” Robbie grunted in time with the kneading, his eyes and mouth snapping shut as he realised he'd spoken out loud.  James's hands barely broke rhythm.  
  
“This is therapeutic massage.  You’re thinking of erotic massage.  We could try the other after dinner's settled, if you like – and provided you're not in any discomfort,” James added, sounding vaguely like his Lyn when she scolded him for not taking care of himself.  
  
“Oh.  Right,” Robbie mumbled, feeling a tingle of anticipation.  He relaxed his face, breathed in the fading smell of James’s aftershave off the bed, and exhaled slowly, encouraging his body to relax.  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

James had picked up a Beef Wellington, ready to cook, from Tesco, along with fresh vegetables and raspberry sorbet.  The aromas coming from the kitchen were making Robbie’s mouth water, and his stomach growl.  After James had left him feeling pummelled, yet oddly relaxed, Robbie had continued to lie on the bed, on his stomach.  James had covered him with the duvet and ordered him to continue to rest until dinner.  He was starting to drift off again when James returned, bending down to kiss him.  
  
“Dinner’ll be ready in about twenty minutes.  Thought you might like the opportunity to freshen up beforehand,” he whispered, his lips tickling against Robbie’s temple.  As Robbie moved to push himself up strong, gentle hands slipped under him and bore his weight.  
  
“You don’t want to twist anything, do you,” James murmured solicitously.  
  
Robbie sat up and took hold of James’s hands.  “What are you now, me mam?”  He’d meant it jokingly and was taken aback by the hurt – and a flash of anger – in James’s eyes.  
  
“No.”  James looked down at him.   “I’m your lover.  I love you and I only want what’s best for you.  And if that occasionally means a bit of fussing to ensure you take due care in some situations, then that’s what I’m going to do.  Is that going to be a problem?”  
  
“No, James.  God, no.”  _I’m your lover._  Three little words, four syllables, and the centre of Robbie’s world.  “I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinkin’.”  With a gentle tug, James was sitting beside him.  “You’ve looked out for me for years.  It’d be silly to stop now.  An’ if you don’t, who will?”  
  
“I have, and I will, and you’ll do well to remember that.”  Apparently appeased, James smiled teasingly and kissed him rather thoroughly, pulling away at the insistent buzz of the oven timer.   
  
“I’ll see to that.  You go and do whatever you need to.”  With a playful slap against Robbie’s thigh, James sprang up from the bed and headed to the kitchen, humming something bright.  Had it been Laura, Robbie would have guessed at Mozart, Val, probably Andrew Lloyd-Webber, but with James, who really knew?  All Robbie could say for certain was that it was unfamiliar and uncharacteristically cheerful.  _Ah, not a bad thing if an honest apology can make your..._ lover _... cheerful._   Robbie paused, again in wonder at how much could be bundled up in one small word.  He stood and went to the bathroom.  
  
***  
  
Dinner was a delight.  Not only had James cooked a wonderful meal, he had draped a table cloth over the breakfast bar and formally set it, with his best glassware and plates, candles, and a small posy of violets.  Closer scrutiny revealed them to be silk, rather than real, but that took nothing from the symbolism.  Robbie knew better than to ask what the occasion was, and simply thanked James with a kiss before sitting down.   
  
As James finished serving, Robbie realised what was missing.  “No wine?”  Only a bottle of San Pellegrino sparkling water stood near the glasses.  
  
“It’s not wise to mix alcohol and medication, over the counter or otherwise.  You know that, you’ve warned me often enough,” James said lightly.  
  
“Right you are, Doctor Hathaway.”  Robbie chuckled when James tutted.   
  
***  
  
James switched off the telly as the credits rolled, and tossed the remote control lightly onto the coffee table.  “Bed?”  
  
Robbie stretched slowly and yawned, pushing James’s legs off his lap.  “Since the telly’s already off, might as well.”  He was aware of James’s scrutiny as he rose from the couch and was pleased at how easily he could move.  He still felt slightly battered, and had concluded he wouldn’t be surprised if some light bruising came out over the next day or so, but he felt _good_.   
  
“Would you like another massage?”  The timbre of James’s voice caused Robbie to shiver, and he turned slowly to study James who was staring at him with desire.  The faint smile on his lips transformed into a grin as the penny dropped for Robbie.   
  
“Oh.”  Robbie breathed.  “ _That_ massage.”  
  
“You can say no.  I’m a patient man.”  
  
 _Bloody hell,_ thought Robbie, _he’s practically purring._ He shook his head slowly, convinced his chin had dropped to his chest.  
  
James’s grin grew mischievous.  “‘No’, you don’t want a massage, or ‘no’, you don’t want to say no?”  
  
Robbie held out a hand to James.  “Show me.”  He didn’t trust himself to say anything else.  
  
  
  
One small lamp lit the bedroom, the candles having been deemed unsafe, and James had extinguished all other lights in the flat.  The thermostat had been raised a few degrees to ward off any chill.  Monty was curled up at foot of the bed, well fed and sleepy on the remains of the beef.  From the living room, the rising notes of Bach’s cello suites floated through.  
  
Robbie again lay on his stomach, naked this time except for a towel draped over his hips.  James, dressed only in boxers, straddled his thighs.  A liquid-filled blue glass bottle stood on a drink coaster on the bedside table.  James was working on Robbie’s back with sweeping strokes across his shoulders and down his side.  His touch was still firm, but this time his fingertips lingered over the sensitive skin along the sides of Robbie’s body, from the top of his armpit to his waist.  James would tease until Robbie squirmed or moaned with pleasure, and then repeat the caress.  
  
“What else is in that oil you’re using?  I can smell lavender, but the other scent’s got me stumped.”  Robbie managed to pull his senses together long enough to string his words into sentences.  James’s hands kept moving, but the delicious torture stopped, if only briefly.  
  
“It’s clary sage and lavender essential oils in a macadamia nut oil base.”  
  
“Sounds more like something you’d put on a salad.”  
  
James bent forward and low, and whispered into Robbie’s ear.  “Does that mean I should eat you up?”  
  
A deep shudder rocked Robbie’s entire body and he gasped loudly.  He felt James chuckle.  “Clary sage is good for muscle pain, nervous tension and insomnia.  Lavender is–”  
  
“I know that one.”  Robbie forced himself to focus, his soaring arousal promising to overwhelm him.  “Helps you sleep.  Val used to use it with the kids from time to time if they were restless – a couple of drops on a hankie inside their pillowcase.”  
  
“And it has some anti-inflammatory properties, too.  Now...”  James kissed Robbie’s cheek.  “...be quiet and enjoy.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie couldn’t remember when the towel was removed or when he had rolled over, but he found himself in the unfamiliar, though not unwanted position of lying on his back with James, naked, between his thighs.  He did remember fumbling with James’s boxers, pushing them down over his hips, and eventually off, freeing his cock and bringing it together with his own where it lay hard against his belly.  He clasped James’s arse in his hands, pulling him to him, length against length, in time with James’s rhythmic thrusts.  Robbie’s breathing had gradually increased with the pace of James’s lovemaking and he was now panting.   
  
James’s warm breath stuttered down the side of his neck, interspersed with soft sighs and whimpers.  Robbie felt his arousal peak, and with a loud gasp came hard.  James uttered a deep moan and, with one last hard thrust, tipped over the edge with Robbie, who held him tight, riding out the waves of pleasure that crashed onto him, feeling every pulse of James’s cock against his own.   
  
They lay still, the hammering of his heart the only thing Robbie could hear as the blood rushed through his ears.  The wet stickiness between their bellies had already begun to cool when James pushed himself up unsteadily – Robbie could feel the trembling of his arms where they pushed against his side – before half-collapsing back against Robbie’s chest, rolling to one side at the last instant.  
  
Keeping one arm around James’s shoulders, Robbie flung the other wide, trying to cool himself slightly.  His fingers brushed the towel and he clutched at it, using it to attempt to wipe away the rather impressive mess they had made.  James mumbled something, and his body grew heavier.  To Robbie’s amazement, James had fallen asleep.  Having cleaned up as well as he was going to be able to given their current position, Robbie fumbled around for the duvet and covered as much of himself and James as he could without disturbing him.  
  
He watched James sleep, his own eyelids growing heavy.  Robbie believed he would never be so sure of anything or anyone else ever again.   
  
“I love you, James Hathaway.”   
  
Robbie would have sworn James smiled.

 

**********

 

Robbie woke to find James standing near the bed, washed and dressed.  He was attempting to flatten his still damp hair with his palms.  
  
“Bathroom’s free.  I’ll change the sheets while you go for a shower.”  He looked past Robbie rather than at him, and Robbie was on alert.  James’s next words confirmed Robbie’s fears.  “How are you, and how’s your back?” he asked hesitantly.  
  
Robbie sat up, keeping the sheet draped over his thighs and groin.  He found his boxers on the floor and dragged them on as he stood up, dropping the sheet.  He walked to the door and back unencumbered.  
  
“Right as rain.”  
  
However, that didn’t settle James, who pulled the sheets off the bed as though angry with them.  He was showing every sign of having over-thought the previous night and was not the confident lover who’d taken Robbie on a journey of discovery.  
  
 _Sex.  We had sex._ No.  _We made love,_ Robbie corrected himself.  _I thought he’d be well pleased.  It’s what we both want..._ isn’t it?  Robbie sighed inwardly, aware he should have expected this.  If James had woken up that morning and breezed along without a care in the world, then Robbie would have been more concerned.  James’s failing – if it could be called that – of nearly always putting others before himself was an integral part of who he was and, as he’d never ask James to change, it was a trait Robbie had learnt to manage a long time ago.  
  
“Pet?”  Robbie waited until he had his attention.  “Come here for a minute.”  Robbie sat on the edge of the now stripped bed and waited.  James bundled the soiled sheets and towel together, placing them outside the door, and made a point of laying out the clean linen before joining Robbie.  
  
“James, love, I have no regrets or doubts about anything we did last night.  In fact...”  Robbie cleared his throat nervously and took James’s hand in his own.  “...I think I’d quite like to do it again.  And again.”  
  
Relief moved down James’s face as though someone had pulled away a mask, and the air rushed from him with a loud _whoosh_.  
  
“I hadn’t intended for things to go as far as they did.  If I had I would have hinted beforehand.”  The words gushed out.  “I wanted to pleasure you.  When everything calmed down I was afraid you’d be thinking I’d taken advantage of you.  I knew you’d never say anything...”  
  
Robbie stopped him with a finger pressed against his lips.  
  
“And if I hadn’t wanted it, I would have put a stop to it.  I know how to say ‘no’, James.”  Robbie cradled his cheek.  “I realise it’s not the way we do things, pet, but this could be one of those things we should talk about from time to time.  It might save us both some grey hairs in the long run.”  
  
He kissed James gently, pleased to see his balance restored.  “I’m going to have that shower now.  Why don’t you come up with something for us to do today, and we can talk about it over breakfast.”  James’s answering smile sent a small thrill down his back.  
  
***  
  
Although James had previously considered a drive around Oxford to look at some of the properties they’d shortlisted, they never made it out of the house that day.


	22. Chapter 22

When Robbie woke up Monday morning, still drowsily satisfied and wrapped in James's arms, he'd almost forgotten about the rumoured sabbatical.  Almost.  
  
He groaned when he did remember that, in order to facilitate his escape from the Director on Friday, he'd agreed to participate in a planning seminar to be held that day.  He'd be locked away in the conference centre with twenty-five other trainers, lecturers, and administrators, from nine until after five.  
  
James snuffled at his back, disturbed, but not yet wakened.  “Sorry, lad,” Robbie muttered to himself.   “Looks like you might have to deal with any rumours without me.”  
  
“Wha's'at?”  James stretched cat-like, long limbs pushing out to their full extent.  A soft double thud signalled Monty landing on the floor, having once again been shoved slowly towards the edge of the bed by James's feet.  
  
Freed from his embrace, Robbie rolled to face James.  He waited for James’s sleep-filled eyes to focus on him, and explained.  The loud snort of laughter was not the response he expected to receive.  
  
“M'sorry,” James mumbled, pushing himself up on one elbow.  “I think your day's going to be worse than mine.   If I'm asked anything, I'm simply going to tell people that, as far as I know, Laura's at her aunt's.  I'm a police officer, I deal in facts, not speculation.”  Robbie grinned at his more than fair impersonation of Innocent, and James leant in and kissed him slowly, rocking back to study him through sleep-heavy eyes.  “You've no-one to blame but yourself for today's incarceration.  I don't know why you agreed to it if you aren’t planning to consider the offer.”  He kissed him again.  
  
“I did it so I could get away and meet you, ya daft sod.  I was already running late.”  Robbie rolled backwards and pulled a willing James on top of him.  He'd glanced at the clock – they still had a clear half hour before the alarm would go off.  
  
***  
  
Robbie checked his phone at the morning break and again at lunch time.  There were no messages or missed calls from James, and because Robbie was unable to get away from the group – all the catering was provided and brought into the room, and they'd been asked not to leave the centre, except in an emergency – he hadn't been alone long enough to contact James himself.  
  
He tried to relax, but not knowing what – if anything – was being said was distracting him.  Grainger had been drunk, and might simply have been speaking out of his arse, but he had been with a sizeable group, and God knows what was discussed there.  No-one here in the centre had said a word or acted any differently around him, which hadn't surprised him.  The overlap of staff and visitors between station and centre was lower than might have been expected, so only the most sensational gossip seemed to make its way into the classrooms and corridors.  Rumours about the forensic pathologist would be very low on the list.  
  
Like a mantra, if he went in for that sort of thing, Robbie kept repeating to himself, _if there's anything I need to know, James'll tell me_.  
  
***  
  
Robbie's phone buzzed in his pocket as he exited the centre; it was closer to six than five.  
  
//I'm home. Thought you'd be here. Where are you? J xx//  
  
//On my way. R xx//  
  
There was more Robbie wanted to say, but he knew it would be quicker to drive home and talk to James than to painstakingly pick out the message.  With a tired sigh he made for his car.  
  
***  
  
The door was open as he approached the flat, and James was hovering just inside.  Robbie didn't protest when James swept him into a hug, using his foot to nudge the door shut.  
  
James nuzzled against his neck, sending a tingle through Robbie's body.  
  
“Oh, that's nice, pet.  I'm startin' to feel better already.”  
  
“C'mon.”  James guided him toward the couch.  Two poured beers sat on the coffee table.  “My news will help too... mostly, I think.”  
  
James's note of uncertainty caught Robbie's attention.  He sat with a thump, dropping wearily in the couch, and stretched for one of the beers.  James picked up the other and sat more gracefully.  
  
James took a long swallow.  Robbie watched him over the rim of his glass.  
  
“Today...”  James began, interrupted by a quiet belch from the beer.  “...Pardon me.  Today was notable for its complete lack of gossip, rumour and innuendo – except for the wedding one,” he added with a wry grin.  “Though, if it’s any comfort, it does seem to be dying a natural death.  So either Grainger's been discreet and kept what he's heard to himself, or the rumour never had any real legs to begin with.”  
  
Robbie thought for a moment.  “Given the state he was in, I'd find it hard to believe he didn't say anything – he was with a crowd, not just his bagman.”  
  
James balanced his drink against his knee and laid his other hand over Robbie's where it rested in his lap, giving it a comforting squeeze.  “Then the _rumour_ was legless.  Let it go, Robbie.”  Concern and resolve mingled together on James's face.  He raised his hand to stroke Robbie’s cheek, letting it drift around to the back of his neck. “The facts will come out sooner or later and there'll be more than enough time to worry about them when they do.  I know it's easier said than done...”  James had pre-empted Robbie's protest and smiled gently when Robbie pursed his lips together.  “...but getting tied up in knots about it before then isn't going to help anyone or change anything.  I know you’re concerned for Laura, and her continued silence bothers you, but unless you’re going to try and call her yourself there’s not a lot that can be done.  And if you can't stop thinking...”  James put his glass on the table, shifting closer to Robbie as he did so, and placed his now-empty hand on Robbie's knee.  He leant in and kissed him, his tongue seeking entrance as his fingers glided slowly up Robbie's thigh, firm and steady, with a clear destination.  “...then maybe I have to try harder to distract you.”

 

**********

 

Innocent was exiting the training centre as Robbie started up the stairs.  
  
“Ma'am?”  Robbie greeted her apprehensively, immediately convinced her presence meant bad news.  
  
“Lewis.”  Her smile was genuine but she was clearly hacked off.  “Bloody breakfast meetings – why anyone has to schedule a meeting for seven in the morning is beyond me.”  
  
Robbie's relief at the routine reason for her visit to the centre was short-lived when she frowned.  
  
“I'm glad I ran into you, Robbie.”  His gut sank further when she lightly touched his arm.  “I'd like us to meet up for a chat, say at two this afternoon?”  Robbie nodded mutely, and waved when she darted off as though she might say something she regretted if she stayed.  It wasn't until he pushed his way through the door that it registered she'd stipulated a small cafe, roughly halfway between the centre and the station, rather than her office.  
  
 _Bloody hell!  What's so bad that she can't tell me at the station?_  
  
***  
  
During his morning break, Robbie sent a message to James.  
  
//Innocent spoken to you today?//  
  
//No.  Should I expect her too?//  
  
//No idea//  
  
//Stop worrying.  I love you. xx//  
  
It helped and it didn't.  He was certain Innocent had news of Laura and he was anxious to hear what she had to say, though what he really wanted was one conversation with Laura himself.  He knew that would set his mind at rest, whatever she had to say.  
  
His biggest regret was that James was caught in the middle.  James and Laura had a good working relationship and were friends, if not close friends.  The possibility that that relationship might be irreparably damaged bothered Robbie.  
  
It wasn’t James’s fault.  Robbie was the one who'd finally let himself be open to moving on, and had, unsurprisingly, turned to the woman who'd waited patiently for him to be ready.  
  
Then he'd left her for James after less than eight months.  
  
But, really, looking at it with the benefit of hindsight, the truth was he'd left James for Laura in the first instance, hadn't he?  He'd created this mess and hurt because he hadn't seen what was right under his nose when the time came.  
  
 _But what can't Innocent tell me in her office?_   He gave himself a shake, aware that if James could see him he’d be scowling.   _Be sensible, Lewis.  If it was that bad, she’d’ve dragged you aside there and then._  
  
***  
  
Robbie didn’t see Innocent at the corner table until she waved.  Her frowned deepened as he approached.  
  
“Robbie, is everything okay?  You look ill,” she asked as he sat down.  
  
“I’ve been trying to think why you’d want to meet here and not at the station?  What could be so bad you couldn’t tell me in your office?” he said gravely.  
  
Confusion washed over her face, rapidly followed by a look of horror.  “Oh, Robbie, I'm sorry.”  She gave his hand a quick squeeze, presumably to reassure.  “I didn't mean to cause any alarm.  I forget you're not at the station because I see James and simply assume you're somewhere close by.  Kate, my PA, is another one taking accumulated leave – she’s gone gallivanting around the States – and I don’t completely trust the discretion of the temp assigned to fill in for her.  She’s a little too chatty for my liking.  Thankfully it's only eight weeks, and half of that's gone.”  
  
A waitress appeared at the table before Robbie could reply, giving him a minute or two to rethink his initial response.  Calling her ‘daft’ and ‘thoughtless’ wouldn’t help him or James, and she had apologised.  They ordered, and Innocent waited until they were alone again.  
  
“I believe you’ve been told the rumour about Laura’s supposed sabbatical?”  Robbie gave a tight nod and Innocent continued.  “To put your mind at rest, Grainger’s drunken ramblings were brought to a halt on Friday evening.  I’d been at dinner with Chris’s girlfriend’s family and we were walking home when I was accosted by Grainger as he staggered out of the pub.”   
  
Robbie was horrified.  Grainger may have been off-duty, but if he’d physically assaulted Innocent, unintentionally or otherwise, it could signal the end of his career.   
  
“Fortunately,” Innocent continued, “Chris saw him coming before I did, and... my apologies, Robbie, you don’t need all the details.  Long story short, Grainger told me what he told you, couldn’t tell me where he heard it and, thanks to two other reports received by the night sergeant, is currently on administrative leave.”  Robbie winced at the bitterness in her voice, and found himself feeling sorry for Grainger.  “Subsequently, I spent a good part of my weekend trying to contact Laura, and finally managed to speak to her last night.”   
  
“Is she...?”  Robbie stopped, uncertain of what he wanted to ask.   
  
“She’s well, if that’s what you want to know.  She sounded... tired, and said she’d been avoiding her phone.”  
  
The waitress brought their tea and they took a minute or two to organise the table.  
  
Innocent slowly stirred her cup.  “There is the tiniest grain of truth in what Grainger said, in that Laura won’t be back as anticipated.”  Robbie took a sip of his tea so he wouldn’t interrupt.  “She’s extending her leave, only by two or three weeks at the most, because her cousin can’t get away from work – at least that’s what she told me.  So she’ll be staying in Maidstone, though she did mention that she may have to come up to Oxford at some stage to sort out ‘a few things’.”  Innocent raised her hand as Robbie started to speak.  “She didn’t offer and I didn’t ask.  I spoke to Laura’s director this morning and he’d just heard from Laura himself.  He’s informing her team today so I think it’s fair to say the rumours will soon be put to rest.  Where Grainger picked up the idea of a twelve-month sabbatical in Scotland is beyond me – and I suspect beyond Grainger himself now.”  
  
They drank in silence for a few minutes.  Innocent picked at the shortbread she’d ordered, while Robbie demolished his pastry.  He’d been more agitated about this meeting than he’d willingly admit to anyone and had skipped lunch.  
  
“Have you tried to contact Laura since you... recently?” Innocent inquired cautiously.  
  
“No, ma’am.  Leaving her be seemed the wisest course of action, though I have been worried.”  Robbie frowned.  
  
Innocent studied his face.  “About Laura?”  
  
Robbie pressed his lips together and exhaled heavily.  “I never wanted to cause her grief.  I know Laura’s sensible, but also I know she’s in that house on her own, and she was hurt and angry.  I keep wondering if she’s sleeping okay, if she’s eating properly.  What if she’s drinking more than is good for her?  And I worry about James a bit.  I’ve mucked up their friendship too, and now that James is back in CID he’ll be working with Laura again.  I hate the thought of things possibly being uncomfortable for either of them.”  
  
“I do understand your concerns, but from what you’ve told me I don’t think you could have handled it any better than you did.  You were honest, you told Laura as soon as you could, in person – which I think was critical – and, as far as I can tell, you and James have behaved impeccably.  You can’t help who you fall in love with, none of us can, and it doesn’t matter what age we are, when affairs of the heart fall apart it hurts and it can affect how we think.  But you’re all adults, Robbie, you’ll all get through.”  
  
Robbie nodded slowly.  “Ah, I know.”  He sighed.  “But I’ll still worry until I know how everything’s going to work itself out.”  
  
“Laura never mentioned you or James at all.  I wish I could give you some clue as to what she might be thinking, but she was giving nothing away.”  
  
Robbie tugged at his ear.  “Thanks for letting me know, ma’am.  I’ll pass it on to James, unless you plan to tell him?”  
  
“I’ll leave that for you.  From what I’ve seen, and managed to squeeze out of Peterson – he’s almost as tight-lipped as you or James when he chooses – James is all ‘business as usual’.  He may not appreciate my interference.”  
  
Robbie huffed a laugh.  “You’re right there – James keeps telling me to ‘let it go’, and ‘deal with it when it happens’.”  
  
“He’s a bright lad, that one.  You definitely want to hang on to him.”   
  
Robbie returned her kind smile.  “That I do.”


	23. Chapter 23

James’s phone calls and emails to various estate agents had also yielded results in locating a mortgage broker, and James had managed to get himself and Robbie an appointment.  They spent a frustrating two days pulling together the paperwork the broker had advised they’d need if they wanted to apply for a mortgage agreed in principle.  Together, James and Robbie had also looked online at the various products their banks had to offer, so they could go into the meeting at least slightly informed.  
  
“Do you actually understand all this financial jargon, James?”  Robbie had scratched his head at the information presented.  
  
“Not entirely, but well enough to be able to compare and determine if one mortgage would suit us better than another.”  
  
James’s research had served them well.  The broker was knowledgeable and efficient, and before they left the meeting they had chosen a prospective lender and completed the documentation to apply for a mortgage agreed in principle.  Robbie’s estimate of how much they could borrow had fallen short of the actual amount by a significant sum, but that was because the calculations were based on his and James’s combined current income, not what it would be in a few short weeks.  At James’s request, the broker had calculated what the maximum loan figure would be based on James’s salary alone.  
  
They’d been advised that it could take up to 48 hours to receive a response from the bank.  James went back to Peterson, and Robbie, having no class and no other commitments that afternoon, headed home.  
  
***  
  
Over dinner, they discussed their options.  
  
“Whatever the bank comes back to us with, I think we should stick to looking at properties in a lower price range, using the figure based on my salary as a maximum.”  James punctuated his words by stabbing at his pasta with a fork.  “We don’t know when we’re going to find something, and if it falls in that gap where you’ve retired but I’m still on a sergeant’s salary I’d hate to think we missed out because we over-reached ourselves.”  
  
Robbie let him talk, making noises in what he hoped were the right places.  He’d learnt that this was one of James’s ways of sorting things out in his head, and he wasn’t really seeking an answer.  Robbie listened carefully though, as experience had taught him that James could shift out of that mode of thinking without warning, and suddenly expect a response.  
  
“I think we should consider the benefits of a civil partnership.  I know you’d like to wait until it’s possible for us to marry, but even if the Government were to pass the legislation this summer, it could be up to another year before we could realistically look at getting married.”  James had put his fork down and his hands rested on the table in his lap.  
  
“Why the urgency?”  Robbie kept his voice light.  He had noted the tic of uncertainty around James’s mouth which indicated he’d reached the conclusion that Robbie wasn’t going to like what he said.  “It’s not as though we need it to get the mortgage or make an offer to buy.”  
  
James pressed his palms against his thighs.  “No.  We don’t.  But it will protect your rights if anything should happen to me; and not just with our home, which could be a reality sooner than we think.”  
  
 _Ah._   James was right, Robbie didn’t like it, but with James back in CID it was a stark truth he had to face.  “Go on.”   
  
“I’m sure I don’t have to go into details about inheritance and property, and so on.”   
  
Robbie shook his head.  He was well aware of the repercussions they could face if anything were to happen to either of them and their relationship wasn’t formalised.  What he hadn’t considered before was how quickly things were moving along.  He had, perhaps foolishly, thought that it would take them some time to find and purchase the right home, however, it looked more and more likely that that could happen in the next few months and, with his retirement looming, there was also the issue of his pension.  James continued.  
  
“A civil partnership wouldn’t necessarily mean we couldn’t get married later on once the laws are passed, and they will be passed one day.  It’s more than likely that we would be able to convert the partnership in to a marriage if you want to, and have a proper ceremony.  We could keep the civil partnership low key, if you preferred, save the big announcement for the marriage.  There are those who would need to know about the partnership, work for one, but it doesn’t have to be public knowledge.”  
  
Robbie mulled over James’s words.  He watched as James rubbed his hands up and down his thighs, gripping and releasing his knees, all the while flicking quick glances in Robbie’s direction.  
  
“James, _when_ we make this official, be it a civil partnership or a marriage, I won’t want to keep it quiet.  Why would I?  I love you.  You’re the most important person in the world to me.  My kids will always be important, but they’re living their own lives, they don’t need me, not really.  I need you, James, and I think you need me.  More than that, I want you.  And I want people to know that.  You’re not a secret I want to hide away.  I hope _you_ know that.”  
  
James gazed affectionately at him.  “I do.  I didn’t want you to think I was trying to push my own agenda.”  
  
“James, love, one day you’ll put yourself first.”  Robbie reached across to squeeze his hand.  “Why don’t we finish up here, and clean up, then we can sit down comfortably and see if we can’t sort this out.”  
  
***  
  
By the time they’d cleaned up in the kitchen and moved onto the couch, there was little to discuss.  Apart from the practical side, Robbie could see that entering into a civil partnership now, or as soon as practicable, would make James very happy.  As far as Robbie was concerned James’s happiness was of greater importance than whether they lived in a civil union or a marriage, and if they could marry in the future, that would be a bonus.  
  
“So how do you describe it?  We couldn’t tell people we were getting married, and getting partnered doesn’t sound right.”  
  
“No.  We’d be civil partners after having a civil partnership.  It’s clumsy.”  
  
“How soon would you want to do it?”  
  
James moved so his whole body faced Robbie.  “You make it sound like arranging a dental appointment, and I know how much you like those.”  
  
Robbie hung his head.  “Sorry, pet, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.  I was thinking it would be practical to look at possible dates, and then we could think about the details.”  
  
James lifted Robbie’s chin with his fingers and looked into his eyes.  “Are you agreeing to a civil partnership for me?”  
  
“I’m agreeing to it for _us_.”  James’s gentle kiss confirmed he’d given the right answer.  “So when do you think would work best for us?”  
  
James snuggled up, with his arms around Robbie’s waist.  “You have to give a minimum of sixteen days notice, so theoretically it could take place just before your retirement, but that’s probably too rushed.  Taking into consideration...”  
  
Robbie’s fingers against his lips silenced him.  
  
“James, love, I think it’s fair to say I know you fairly well by now, yes?”  James nodded.  “Then I’m guessing that you’ve thought this through thoroughly and already have an answer, and what you’re doing now is talking me through your thinking.  Am I right?”  James nodded sheepishly and Robbie kissed his forehead.  “Go on, then.”  
  
“To get to the point: after my Inspector’s exam.  By then we’ll have your retirement behind us, hopefully be well on our way to being in our own home, if not already there, I’ll have a better idea of whether or not I’m going to cope with being in CID in the long term, and my OSPRE studies will be behind me.”  
  
“And based on that, when do you feel we should start telling people?”  
  
“As soon as we set a definite date and give notice, which I also think could best wait until after my exam.”  
  
“After your exam it is then.”  
  
In one quick movement, James straddled Robbie’s lap and proceeded to kiss him senseless.  
  
***  
  
Robbie cradled James’s body with his own as James slept.  When he had eventually broken the kiss, James’s face was flushed with desire, and although breathless and unsteady on his feet, Robbie had gone willingly when James all but dragged him off to bed.  However, instead of making love, which Robbie had been certain was James’s intention, they’d snuggled and kissed gently as James had calmed down, gradually growing drowsier in Robbie’s arms.  James had finally drifted off with a smile on his face.   
  
Given their age gap, Robbie had had some concerns about James’s sexual appetite early on, but as the weeks had passed, he had learnt he needn’t have worried.  As tonight had shown him again, James seemed to get as much, if not more, satisfaction out of a good snog and cuddle as Robbie did himself.  Touch seemed to be the key with James, and it was a rare morning if Robbie woke and James didn’t have one limb or another across some part of him.  Even during the course of the day, if they were in the same room at home, James would touch.  When they weren’t cuddling on the couch, they were still in contact, with James having either his head or feet in Robbie’s lap.  When they ate, James would push one of his feet between Robbie’s on the footrest of the stool.  When they worked in the kitchen, James would make contact with hands, shoulders, hips or feet.  And in the bathroom, James took full advantage of the confines of the shower.  Robbie took pleasure and solace from every contact.  
  
Robbie pulled James as close to him as possible, nuzzling the back of his neck until he sensed sleep overtaking him.

 


	24. Chapter 24

“I really need to tell Lyn what’s going on.”  Robbie was nursing a glass of wine on the couch, while James was studying for his OSPRE at the breakfast bar.  “I mean, she knows I’m here, but I’ve never explained about us, not properly.  I didn’t know how.”  
  
James pivoted slowly on the stool and stared at him in disbelief.  Only his quick reflexes stopped the pen that had been dangling between his teeth from striking the floor.  “You talk at least twice a week.  What _have_ you told her exactly?”  
  
“That it didn’t work out with Laura, and I was staying with you for a bit until I found somewhere else.”  Robbie shifted uncomfortably under James’s gaze.  “It’s not a lie, not really.  She even said she was really happy I had someone to ‘look after me and keep me distracted’.  Oh, shut it.”  James had snorted loudly.  “She’s no idea you only have the one bedroom, though.”  
  
“Ah.”  James dropped his gaze and fiddled with the pen.  “Are you sure about that?”  
  
Robbie hesitated.  “No.  Not really.  Why?”  
  
“In all your phone calls since you’ve been here, has she ever actually asked you when you’re planning on moving out?”  
  
Robbie frowned.  “No.  She hasn’t.  But what makes you ask that?”  
  
James blushed.  “Do you remember during your second week here, when you handed me your mobile and asked me to chat to Lyn while you finished getting dressed?”  
  
“Aye,” Robbie drawled warily.  
  
“I, er, accidentally let something slip.”  James exhaled heavily and glanced up at Robbie.  “She was worried about your back, and I reassured her that you’d be fine because _we_ were using your orthopaedic mattress.”  
  
Robbie felt his chin drop.  
  
James continued hurriedly.  “When she didn’t say anything about it, I let it slide.  I thought if I tried to explain my way out of it, I’d only end up digging myself in deeper, and by ignoring it, maybe she’d think it was merely a slip of the tongue.  And then when she clearly didn't say anything to you afterwards – because I _know_ you would have told me – I didn't see the point in worrying you by telling you.  In hindsight, perhaps I should have.  I'm sorry.”  
  
Robbie inhaled deeply, letting his breath whistle out softly through his lips.  He slumped down a little further in the couch, mindful of his back.  “Ah, what’s done’s done.  She’s never once hinted that she might know something, and she’s a curious lass; usually if she gets a sniff of something, she has to try and figure it out.”  
  
James reached over the breakfast bar and snatched up the open wine bottle sitting on the worktop.  In one fluid movement, he stood, turned, refilled Robbie’s glass, and sat beside him, the bottle still in hand.  
  
Robbie stared at him and waited.  
  
“But you see, the thing is, if she’s _not_ curious about when you might be moving to a place of your own, then she has either put two and two together and is now waiting for you to say something, or she completely missed my remark and is blissfully ignorant.  However, from the little I do know about her, Lyn’s observant and intelligent– sheis _your_ daughter – which would imply...”  
  
“She knows or think she knows.”  Robbie finished James’s thought with a groan.  He put his glass on the coffee table and stood slowly.  Collecting his mobile from the kitchen worktop, where he’d plugged it in to charge, he walked towards the bedroom.  
  
“Wish me luck.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie sat slumped on the bed and stared at his phone.  Lyn's number was on the display.  Tapping the screen, he tossed the handset on the bed and buried his face in his hands with a muted, pained moan.  
  
***  
  
James looked up, perplexed, when he heard the bedroom door open.  _That was bloody quick_.  He feared the worst as Robbie came into view; he looked shattered.  James couldn't move.  He held his breath as his gaze followed Robbie's progress, picking up his wine glass from the coffee table and sitting on the stool next to James.  He raised the glass to his lips, but lowered it without drinking.  
  
“I can’t tell her over the phone, James.  I need to see her face.  I need to see what she can't or won't say to me.”  This time he did take a long drink.  “They’re coming down for me retirement, and Lyn’s been talking about spending a few days catching up with old friends.  I have to tell her before then.  Ideally, it has to be this weekend.”  
  
James held back his sigh of relief and focused on the practicalities.  “Will you drive up?”  
  
“You're not likely to be free this weekend, are you?”  A gentle crease ran across Robbie’s brow.  
  
James shook his head sadly. “I'm surprised we're not on a case now – I keep expecting the phone to ring any minute.”  
  
“I must admit I’ve been waiting for you to get a pre-dawn wake up call, too.”  
  
James took his hand and tenderly stroked his palm and fingers.  “You'll let Lyn know you're coming?”  
  
“Well, yeah, o'course.  God knows what she’d think if I suddenly turned up on the doorstep.”  
  
“What reason will you give?  Isn’t she going to think it odd, especially if they’re coming down in a fortnight anyway?”  
  
“Don't rightly know.  Hopefully I’ll think of something.”  
  
James stood and took Robbie in his arms, resting Robbie’s head against his chest.  Robbie wrapped his arms around James’s waist and held him tight.   
  
“Will you tell her about our house-hunting?  Or do you think one major life change at a time is enough to cope with?”  
  
The bank had been in contact that morning to advise that their mortgage agreed in principle had been approved.  The reality of a home of their own was one step closer, and their search could begin in earnest.  
  
“If she does have some idea of how small this flat is then she’ll probably ask me if we’re planning on moving, but I won’t mention we’re looking to buy, not yet.  One major development at a time is enough, I think.  I really don’t have a clue as to how she’ll react to the news about me and you.”  
  
James rested his cheek against Robbie’s head, and held him close.

 

**********

 

The last of the class shuffled out for the lunch break.  Alone in the room, Robbie tried Lyn's mobile again.  He'd received the busy tone the last two times he'd tried, and, like him, Lyn didn't utilise call waiting or voicemail.  His gut knotted violently when Lyn's phone rang.  
  
“Hi, Dad.  To what do I owe the pleasure of a midday, midweek call?”  
  
Her cheeriness lifted him, like it always did.  “I was thinking I might pop up this weekend.  I've got a half-day Friday so I thought I could be up in time for tea – if it’s okay with you.”  
  
“You know you're welcome anytime.  Any special reason or do you simply miss us?”  There was a smile in her voice – and something else Robbie couldn't quite place.  It was a perfect example of why he preferred talking face to face.  Maybe he should have let James show him how to make a video call and damn the cost.  
  
“You know I always miss you, love.”  _Damn it. This is harder than I expected._    
  
“You have remembered we're coming down for your retirement, haven't you?”  There was a note of anxiety.  “Oh, Dad, have you changed your mind again?  First it was three months, then you brought it forward.  Has there been...?  Are you and Laura getting back together?”  
  
“I, er...”  He couldn't lie and say it wasn't serious or important.  “No, love, it's nothing to do with Laura.  That's well and truly over, though it is about me retirement... and, ah, James's involvement.”  
  
“James.  Really?”  She dragged the last word out and Robbie felt a hollowing in his gut.  _Oh, shit._   It was barely a squeak in his mind, strangled by his own unease.  
  
“Aye,” he eventually stuttered.  
  
There was a heavy silence.  “Are... Are you still there, love?”  
  
“I'm here, Dad.”  He could still hear her smile.  “James's involvement – it’s with you, isn't it?  And not just as a friend.”  
  
“Oh, love, I...”  Robbie's throat dried up.   
  
Lyn spoke up.  “I wasn't completely surprised when you told me you and Laura weren't together anymore.  Laura was lovely that weekend we were down but – I thought it was just me being silly, and remembering Mum – I had the feeling neither of you was completely happy.  I _was_ surprised when you said you were moving in with James.  Unless you and Laura had had a blazing row, I would have thought she'd let you stay at the house until you found somewhere else, and...”  There was a long pause in which Robbie stopped breathing.  “…I knew James only had the one bedroom.”  
  
Robbie couldn't stop the groan that escaped as he hunched his shoulders.  
  
“Oh, Lyn.  I'm so sorry.”  
  
“You'd better mean you're sorry for not telling me, and not that you're sorry it's James.”  
  
Robbie was taken aback by Lyn's scolding.  “Eh?”  
  
“I’m not saying it wasn’t a surprise, but it wasn’t a complete shock either.  Dad, ever since you returned to Oxford, the one constant in your life has been James.  I wish you could have heard yourself when you spoke to me about him.  At first it was similar to how you talked about Mark, but as time passed that changed significantly; there was something more.  It was different to how you talked about Mum, but there was deep love and trust there.  I really believe that if James had been a woman, you’d have been together years ago.  And then there was a phone call, just after you moved in with him – has James ever told you what he said to me?”  Robbie mumbled his confirmation.  “When James didn’t try to white-wash over his explanation about... both of you using the same mattress that told me that he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed about it.  He never skipped a beat, Dad.  That was important.  Is there a part of you that’s ashamed?  Is that why you couldn't tell me before?”  
  
“Ashamed?”  Robbie was horrified.  “No.  I love James.  I'm proud of him, to be with him.  I just didn't know how you'd take it, finding out your old dad was involved with someone who could...  feasibly be a brother to you.  It's not being sure how others are going to react that's made it awkward telling people.  We've been fortunate so far, but then we've not broadcast it too widely.”  
  
“Dad?”  
  
Her wariness put him on alert.  “Yes, love?”  
  
Lyn released a long, slow breath.  “Please tell me you didn’t take up with James on the rebound, or something equally cruel and juvenile.  Oh!”  Her sudden surprise delayed his answer.  “Dad, you weren't seeing James and Laura at the same time, were you?” she accused.  
  
“No, love!”  Robbie was hurt that she could even think such a thing.  He moved from the edge of the desk he'd been sitting on to one of the chairs.  Making sure he was comfortable, Robbie explained everything to Lyn.  
  
  
  
  
“...I still haven’t heard anything from Laura meself, but Innocent says she sounds okay.  James and I are looking for a bigger place.  We viewed a couple last weekend, and James has a few more viewings lined up for next week.  We're literally on top of each other....”  Robbie slapped a hand over his mouth, realising too late how that would sound.  He couldn’t decide if he was relieved or appalled when Lyn giggled.  
  
“It's okay, Dad, I don't need the details, I just want to know that you’re happy.”  
  
“I am, pet.  James has made me the happiest I've been since... in a bloody long time.”  He thought he heard Lyn sniffle.  “Are you sure you're okay with this, love?  You're not just being kind to your old man?”  
  
“It’ll take a bit of getting used to, and I’ll have to tell Tim – he’s very open and accepting, but it will still be… interesting.  How do I describe you?  You’re both a bit... old to be ‘boyfriends’.”  
  
Robbie blinked.  He definitely wasn’t going to suggest ‘lovers’ to Lyn.  He and James had never had to introduce each other.  What term would James prefer?  Robbie thought he knew James well enough to answer that.   
  
“Partners.  That’ll do for now.”  
  
“Partners.”  Robbie could almost hear Lyn nod.  “Now that you’ve told me, does that mean you won't be coming up this weekend after all?”  
  
“I'd still like to come up, if you'll have me.  I want to see you, tell you again face to face, so you can see for yourself that I'm okay, and, while I believe you when you say you're fine with it all, I'd really like to see for meself that you're not simply humouring me out of kindness.  James will most likely be working, he’s not going to be around much, and, it’ll be a good chance to talk about your trip down.”  
  
“The room’s always ready, dad.  Send me a message when you leave Oxford so I know what time to expect you.  I love you, dad.”  
  
“Love you too, pet.”  



	25. Chapter 25

After sending a message to James to say he was on his way home, Robbie waved at Lyn and his grandson as he pulled away from the front of the house.  He'd had a lovely weekend and was grateful he'd made the effort.  He was still amazed at Lyn and Tim’s ready acceptance of his new life.  Lyn had playfully teased him about James all weekend and Tim had gently admonished her for it, while giving Robbie his support.  Robbie had sensed that Tim was holding something back; however, instinct told him it wasn't something to be concerned about, and that Tim would eventually say his piece.  He was like James in that regard, preferring to be completely confident of his facts, but wouldn't hesitate to speak up if he felt it was critical.  
  
Because he and James had agreed to wait until after James’s exam, he hadn’t even hinted at the prospect of his civil partnership with James, and was relieved that neither Lyn nor Tim raised the subject.  Initially he’d felt a bit odd keeping such a major development a secret from her, but he’d quickly decided that even if he and James had chosen to tell people this far out, he wouldn’t have said anything during that visit.  It wasn’t because he’d thought Lyn would be upset, but because he’d been certain if he told her now she would have wanted to throw herself into helping them plan ‘the perfect day’, and would have been disappointed at the simple, low-key affair they were both leaning towards.  
  
Lyn’s genuine happiness had been infectious and Robbie’s only regret was that James hadn’t been there to share in it.  Together, Lyn and Tim had made Robbie promise that he and James would come up together the first weekend they could possibly manage it.  
  
“The double bed in the spare room's probably a bit short for James, but I'm sure the two of you could survive it for one weekend.”  
  
“Wouldn't bother James, love.  He tends to curl up like a cat or else he’s a clingy octopus – all bloody arms and legs in a tangle – either way, he rarely stretches out.”  He’d blushed when she blushed, as he realised the image he must have put into her head.  
  
The buzz and vibration of his phone cut through his reminiscing.  It fell silent before he could safely pull onto the hard shoulder.  He decided to stop at the next lay-by; both Lyn and James knew he would be driving and would only call if it was urgent.  The phone buzzed in his pocket again, the message tone following a fraction of a second later.  
  
He exhaled heavily as he looked at the phone display.  Both the missed call and the message were from Laura.  
  
//I'll try again at 6. I need to talk to you, Robbie. Laura.//  
  
  
As he mulled over what Laura might say, he could almost hear James tutting at him.  A second incoming text startled him.  
  
//Going to be at the station until late. Don't wait up. J xx//.  
  
***  
  
At five minutes to six, Robbie called Laura.  He considered and immediately discarded the notion that she would ignore or cancel the call, and call him back at precisely six.  Laura was many things but she wasn't petulant or childish.   
  
She answered on the fourth ring.  
  
“Hello, Robbie.”   
  
The warmth in her voice humbled Robbie – and left him feeling slightly foolish that he'd anticipated being on the defensive from the outset.  
  
“Hello, Laura.”  
  
A beat of time, and they spoke simultaneously.  
  
“How have you been, Laura...”  
  
“Robbie, I was hoping we...”  
  
Robbie huffed a nervous laugh.  “Ladies first.”  
  
Laura quietly cleared her throat.  “Robbie, can we meet up, to talk?  Please.  Just you and me.”   
  
She was anxious now.  Robbie heard the slight hitch in her voice.  It didn't make a lot of sense.  
  
 _Why on earth is she worried?  I'm the one who caused all the hurt._    
  
“Aye,” he answered kindly.  “Did you have any time and place in mind?”  
  
“My place?  Tomorrow?”  
  
“Are you back in Oxford?”  He couldn't hide his surprise.  James hadn't mentioned anything, though, even if she was home, it didn't necessarily follow that she was back at work.  
  
“I’m here this week, but have to go back to Maidstone next week to finish up.  I’m not due back at work for another couple of weeks.”  
  
“Oh, right.”  _After I’ve retired_ , thought Robbie. _Possibly not a bad thing._    
  
“I must thank you.  I...”  Laura faltered.  “The house and garden are immaculate.  I have to confess I had expected you would have moved out and avoided returning – and I wouldn’t have blamed you at all.  I assumed I would be coming home to a half-dead garden.  I should have known better.”  
  
Robbie cringed, thankful Laura couldn't see him.  He had indeed pushed the garden out of his mind, assuming that the gardener would have gone in on his next visit – but they’d never got around to giving him a key to the side gate when they rehired him, had they? _Bugger_.  _But then how...?_ Oh.  _James._   Robbie covered his face with his palm.  _He's still got the key from moving the boxes.  I never asked for it back.  But when did he have time…?_   Robbie let it go.  He’d only embarrass James if he tried to ask him.   
  
“It was more James than me, Laura, lov–”  
  
“How is James?”  There was genuine interest in her query, and she had either missed or chosen to ignore his faux pas.  
  
“He's well.”  In the silence, he imagined Laura nodding her head.  He knew she would pick up the rest of the news once she was back at work, if not before – pathology was even more ‘skilled’ at ‘information sharing’ than a gaggle of new recruits– so he didn't elaborate.   
  
Though the call had started easily enough, it was now feeling awkward.  “Tomorrow's fine for me.  What time did you want to meet?”  
  
“Would you like to come after dinner, say around eight?  Unless you have some time available in the afternoon?”  
  
He suspected the afternoon would have suited both of them better, but he had classes staggered throughout the day, and wouldn't finish until five.  
  
“Eight o'clock.  I'll be there.”  
  
“Thank you, Robbie.”  
  
The complete silence in the receiver told him she was gone.   
  
“What on earth are you thanking me for, Laura?” he muttered to himself.

 

***

 

James still wasn’t home by the time Robbie was ready for bed.  He left a note for him on the small table where he always left his keys, filling him in on what was happening.  He felt James would want to know as soon as possible, but he didn’t see the point in interrupting him at work.  
  
***  
  
Robbie was wide awake, staring at the ceiling when James came home just after midnight.  The keys rattle softly on the table, placed rather than dropped, followed by the scrape and rustle of paper being picked up.  The soft glow of the bathroom light filtered through the bedroom door and, after a lengthy pause, the shower started.  Robbie rolled onto his side so he could watch the door, and he waited.  
  
***  
  
Robbie dropped onto his back as James slipped into bed, propping himself up on one elbow.  James caressed his face, his hands warm and soft.  
  
“You do realise you worry too much about Laura’s response, don’t you?”  James’s lips brushed down Robbie’s jaw.  “Even if you don’t say anything, it’s always there, just under the surface.  Did she sound well, or distressed?”  
  
“She sounded... well.  Are you telling me you haven’t been worried?” whispered Robbie.  
  
James leant back. “Of course I’ve been worried, but when Laura didn’t say anything to anyone in the first week, and there was no other news, I chose to not dwell on it, trusting to the person I know Laura is.”  
  
“As simple as that?”  Robbie reached up and tugged gently at the back of James’s neck.  
  
“Yes.  As I’m sure I’ve said before, what would worrying change?  Short answer: nothing.”  He resisted the pressure of Robbie’s hand and hovered over him, studying him in the dim light.  “My gut tells me everything will work out.  It may be awkward, but that too shall pass.”  
  
“How certain of that are you?”  
  
James thought for a moment, and smiled fondly.  “I’m as certain of it as you are of us – is that enough?”  
  
Robbie raised his head from the pillow and captured James’s mouth.  James half-rolled onto him, one leg pressing between Robbie’s thighs, hands pushing under his t-shirt and the elastic of his boxers.  Robbie moaned softly as James began to rock against him.  
  
***  
  
Sated, Robbie felt himself drifting away, an unconscious (and more than slightly sticky) James cradled in his arms.  He kissed his forehead. “It’s more than enough, pet.”


	26. Chapter 26

It had been a long day and Robbie had tried to be logical about his upcoming meeting with Laura.  He trusted James’s instincts and wanted to believe he was right, but his guilt continued to nag at him.  He knew it would continue to do so until he saw with his own eyes that Laura was well, and she either forgave or dismissed him.  That was who he was, and it was damned hard to change a lifetime of behaviour.  He’d concentrated on work to distract himself, and James had sent him short messages throughout the day.  The first had been encouraging, reaffirming James’s view that all would be well.  They had become increasingly sillier as the day went on, ribbing Robbie for over-thinking this situation possibly more than James had ever over-thought anything.  Robbie pulled up in front of Laura’s house as his phone beeped.  _James.  Again._   Robbie read the short text, initially snorting at James’s gallows humour, his eyes widening as he reread the short text and its simple logic sank in.  He berated himself for not asking the same question weeks ago.  _You’re a bloody idiot, Robert Lewis._  
  
//Think about it.  What’s the worst Laura could really do?  She’ll know that if anything happens to you, I’ll know you were on your way to see her when you disappeared.//  
  
 _What_ was _the worst Laura could do?_  
  
Robbie wasn’t vain enough to believe that Laura would have deliberately harmed herself over losing him, though it was possible she could have neglected herself.  However, she’d sounded bright and well on the phone, if a little... wary.  
  
She was highly unlikely to suddenly disappear.  However, he could believe that she might have chosen to go away from Oxford for a short time, to take a break, which was why Grainger’s drunken ramble about Scotland had jarred him badly.  
  
She could hit him.  He felt it wouldn’t be undeserved, but Laura wasn’t a physically violent person.  However, if she was going to do that, she would have done so when he saw her in Maidstone.  
  
No, the worst Laura could do was declare she never wanted to see or speak to him or James again, leaving things unresolved between them.  Yet she'd asked to meet him, so clearly that wasn’t going to happen – at least, not at this time.  
  
James was right.  The situation would work itself out, one way or the other, and time would heal.  
  
***  
  
Her welcome had been warm.  She'd kissed his cheek and invited him through to the kitchen where the kettle was coming to the boil.  Everything was already laid out on a tray.  After Laura had filled the pot, Robbie swirled it around several times and carried the tray to the dining table.  
  
They sat on opposite sides, and Laura poured the tea.  
  
“I know you're not a talker, Robbie.  God knows, if you were perhaps you and James would have talked all this out years ago and we wouldn't be in this... and things would have been different.”  There was regret, and a touch of sadness in her voice, but no bitterness.  “Anyway, I think I can talk enough for the two of us, but feel free to interject or stop me if I'm not making sense.”  
  
She sipped her tea and stared into the cup.  “I've always been aware that you and James were good for each other.  On the surface, you're almost complete opposites, but you balance each other – and you have enough commonalities that you don't completely get on each other’s nerves.  You and I don't… well, not enough.  You and James bring out the best in each other, and although you never said or did anything, I often felt I was competing against him.”  
  
Robbie watched her carefully, looking for any clues.  It felt a little surreal sitting with her like this.  
  
“I told you Jean and I used to watch the pair of you and wonder what, if anything was going on away from prying eyes.  James was so discreet, but there were moments when his love for you would be exposed.  When I saw it for the second time, I knew what he felt for you, and I started to pay closer attention to you, how you responded to him.  That you cared for James was clear to anyone who spent more than a day in your company but, as time passed, it appeared that you were never going to see exactly who and what was right by your side.  I couldn't believe that you were that... blind.  Jean and I thought perhaps you had seen and understood what James felt for you, and had either chosen to ignore it, because James was a man, or the subject had been raised and laid to rest, again because of gender.  That's why I asked you that night if you'd kissed him.  I knew you would give me an honest answer and, one way or the other, and then I would know for certain and could silence the tiny voice of doubt.  I'm sorry I accused you of lying when you...”  
  
Robbie shook his head.  “I can understand why you did.  It must have seemed that way, with things happening as quickly as they did.”  
  
Laura ran her fingertip around the lip of her cup and nodded slowly.  “When you didn't go ahead with your retirement, as you'd said you were going to, and that you were staying on for James's sake, I began to feel apprehensive... that James was more important to you than me.”  
  
“Laura, I...”  
  
“Oh, I don’t think it was a wholly conscious choice on your part – as James’s governor you’d looked out for him for so long, it would have been instinctive.  You're not someone who plays with people’s emotions, Robbie, not the people you truly care about.”  
  
She reached out, her fingers lightly brushing the back of his hand before she loosely clasped her hands together on the table.  
  
“When you finally agreed to move in, I relaxed again, certain you wouldn’t have done so if you had any doubts.  And it was how I’d hoped it would be...  at first.”  She lowered her eyes.  Robbie couldn’t see her face clearly now.  Laura cleared her throat.  “Knowing you’d chosen to be with me, that you wanted to share your life with me – I had to pinch myself.  And then there were the little daily things that went with that: to know you would be waiting in bed when I got home made working late a little bit easier; being kissed and missed when I had to crawl out of bed in the wee small hours to attend a scene; sharing the load around the house; curling up in front of the telly together – it was all lovely.  But... I felt like there had to be more to it than that.”  
  
Robbie said nothing.  
  
“Then... as we progressed, those things that had delighted me slowly began to feel like a burden.  I felt guilty if I woke you, arriving home or leaving.  Some days I just wanted to crack open a bottle of wine at 2am and sit in the dark and will the day away, but I felt obliged to go to bed because you were there.  Some nights I just wanted to be by myself and think – it’s what I was used to.”  
  
Laura drained her cup, covering it with her hand when Robbie offered to pour another cup.  
  
“I’ve always taken great pride in my independence, my ability to rely on myself.  It wasn’t until we were living together that I truly understood the difference between loneliness and being alone.  I’d never really been lonely, and I was learning very quickly that I liked to be alone a lot more than I would have said if ever asked.  I told myself it was a matter of time and compromise, that given enough time I would adjust.  And then you came down to Maidstone and...”  
  
Laura stood up unexpectedly and carried her cup to the sink.  Robbie watched as she took her time rinsing it out, wiping it down carefully before putting it on the drying rack.  He wished he knew what she was thinking.  With James he would have known what to do, but, then again, with James, the odds of them having a conversation like this were rather small.  
  
Laura straightened her back, turned and rested against the worktop.  She studied Robbie carefully, and he kept his face as neutral as possible.  Laura released a heavy sigh.  
  
“You don’t need to know all the details, but...”  Laura pressed her hands together in front of her face, almost in an attitude of prayer.  “Basically, I raged at you in your absence for the best part of week, called you every name I could think of and a few I invented.  I cursed James to hell and back.  I blamed my aunt and cousin for their atrocious timing.  I even blamed myself for putting thoughts into your head.  Then, when I’d exhausted myself, and made the house sparkle in the process, and the leaving the garden in the best shape it had ever been in, I calmed down and started to think about it like a rational person.”  
  
She walked back to the table and sat down.  
  
“When I was completely honest with myself, I had to acknowledge that in the first week in my aunt’s house, rather than missing you terribly, it was the most relaxed I’d been in months – I felt as though I’d found a piece of me that had been hiding.  It had been nice, very nice, to have someone to come home to, but I realised that the prospect of living with someone long-term was, frankly, terrifying.  It’s not in my nature.  I need my space and independence.  I’d held onto the hope of a future with you for longer than was sensible, and when it happened...  fantasy didn’t live up to reality.”  She closed her eyes.  “I must sound so shallow and selfish.”  
  
Robbie shook his head.  “No.  You’re one of the most complex and generous people I know – after James.”  He smiled when she laughed softly.  “I’d made assumptions about us, too.  We’d known each other so long...”  
  
“Too long.  There really is such a thing as too much water under the bridge.”  
  
Robbie wasn’t completely sure where he stood.  Had Laura forgiven him – and James?  Or was she saying... what was she saying?  He wondered if he’d spoken out loud, or was wearing his thoughts all over his face, as she smiled warmly at him.  
  
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of James, of both of you really; however, at the end of the day, I think you would have ended up together, no matter what obstacles or people were placed in your way.  And at least now I can say we gave ‘us’ a shot, and I won’t be wondering ‘what-if’ for rest of my days.  It still hurts, like any break-up, but I’ll be okay, perhaps even a little better than before.  I’ve learnt something new about myself, and that’s never really a bad thing.”  
  
She reached across the table and this time took hold of Robbie’s hand.  
  
“I wish you and James every happiness, and I mean that with all my heart.  If either of you hurts the other, I _will_ make you accountable, so consider yourself warned.  And if, at some point in the future, you choose to make things ‘official’, I’ll be very hurt if I don’t get an invitation.”  
  
Robbie huffed a startled laugh.  “You’ll have to wait until we agree on a date, but I’ll make sure you’re at the top of the list.”  
  
He beamed at Laura’s look of delighted astonishment.  
  



	27. Chapter 27

Laura had called James the day after she and Robbie spoke and arranged to meet him for lunch the following day.  
  
James had barely settled in the couch when Robbie, with feigned casualness, asked, “Well, how did it go?”  
  
Robbie was rather chuffed that he’d managed to wait until James had changed and sat down with a glass of wine before mentioning it.  
  
James gave him a look of pure exasperation.  “She hates me.”  He snorted loudly when Robbie thumped down in the seat next to him in horror.  “How do you think it went, my love?  She hugged me and fussed – and threatened to injure me if I hurt you in any way.”  He pulled Robbie into a tight hug.  “Why are you still worrying?”  
  
“I wasn’t worrying, okay.  I was just... curious.”  Robbie stopped James’s next words with a kiss.  “Are you hungry?  I tried one of Val’s recipes for lamb shanks.”

 

**********

 

Robbie’s last days at work flew by as his retirement drew nearer. Before he realised it, it was his penultimate day. Robbie was distracted most of that Thursday afternoon, waiting for the call from Lyn to say they’d arrived at their hotel.  When he’d visited Lyn, they’d discussed their planned visit.  
  
“James wanted to know if you’d found a hotel with a good babysitting service.  He’s given me a couple...”  
  
“Sorry, Dad, but it’s just going to be the two of us.  Tim and I talked it over and we didn’t like the idea of strangers looking after him, even if it was only for a few hours.”  
   
“So where will he be while you’re down in Oxford, love?”  He hadn’t hidden the disappointment in his voice.  
  
“Tim’s mum and dad have been asking for ages to have him sleepover for few nights, so we’ll get a wee break from him and he from us.   Besides, you’ll be retired and able to come up and see him, and us, whenever you want; the spare room will always be ready for you – for both of you.”  
  
His class was filing out when his phone finally rang.  
  
“Did you have a good run down?”  
  
“It was fine until we hit the Oxford traffic – as usual.  I don’t know how you manage to put up with it.”  
  
“Familiarity, love.  You have to remember I’ve been driving in it for nearly thirty years.”  
  
“I suppose so.  Anyway, Tim’s checking us in now, and after three hours in the car I’m looking forward to putting my feet up for a bit.”  
  
“You sound like your mum.  Get yourselves settled in, and I’ll be over at half-six to pick you up for dinner.  Save you tackling more of the Oxford traffic and trying to find a parking spot.  You’re in luck – James has managed to get the afternoon off, so he’s cooking. He won’t tell me what he’s making, but you can bet your boots it won’t be egg and chips.”  
  
“I thought you’d learnt to cook more than that?” He could picture Lyn standing with her hand on her hips glaring at him. “You told me James taught you quite a few recipes.”  
  
“Aye, he has, but when he knew he’d have the time to cook, he insisted on making tonight’s dinner.”  Robbie tugged at his ear.  “I think he wants to show you he can look after me, so you’re not fussing and wondering.”  
  
“I know he’s looking after you, Dad.  I can see it.  I’ll find a way to let him know I’m not worried.  If James is as private as you, he won’t appreciate a big display.”  
  
Robbie swallowed down the lump that rose in his throat.  “Thanks, pet.”  
  
***  
  
Robbie took some comfort from the fact that Lyn and James had met a few times over the years.  He could barely begin to imagine how awkward it could have been if she had been meeting him for the very first time, knowing he was her father’s lover.  He watched happily as they hugged warmly, without hesitation, in greeting.  While holding both of James’s hands, Lyn leant back to appraise him.  Her smile spoke to Robbie of mischief, as did the slow tilt of her head.  James’s eyes darted towards him nervously.  Robbie bit back his own smile.  
  
“Right now, you’re Dad’s partner,” Lyn mused.  “But if you and Dad ever decided to...  if Dad were to make a ‘honest man’ out of you, would I have to call you ‘dad’, too?”   
  
James coughed and stuttered a feeble protest, and Robbie and Tim burst out laughing.   
  
“God, James, pet, I wish I had a camera – your face!”  James’s startled eyes jerked between Robbie and Lyn.  She was biting her lip hard but it didn’t stop the laughter in her eyes.   
  
“I’m sorry, James.”  Lyn hugged him quickly.  “Tim dared me.”  
  
Tim was indignant.  “Oi, it was your idea, missus.”  He grabbed her around the waist and tickled her until she begged him to stop.  
  
James sighed with relief and rested his head against Robbie’s shoulder.  Robbie pressed his cheek against James’s hair and whispered, “Technically, she’s right.  You will become her step-father.”   
  
James snorted and playfully pushed Robbie away.  “Go and wash your mouth out.”   
  
“There’re other things I’d rather be doing with my mouth right now.”  
  
“Dad!”  
  
Lyn was looking at them in shock, while Tim stared at Lyn, clearly amused.  
  
“What, love?  Dinner’s ready and I’m starving.”  
  
Lyn’s mouth opened and closed but no sound came out for several moments.  “I, ah... oh, nothing, I suppose.  Dinner smells great, James.”  
  
Blushing, she let James take her arm and escort her to the table they’d borrowed once again.  
  
***  
  
Lyn soon recovered her balance as dinner progressed.  James had prepared a lamb tagine with lemon couscous, and a simple platter of fresh fruit for dessert.  They chatted about Robbie’s plans for the allotment once he had more time, and Robbie and James’s plans for the immediate future.  
  
“Have you found another place yet?”  Lyn asked.  “It is a little... snug here, isn’t it?”   
  
“We’re looking at a three bed terrace not too far from where our old house was – it’s still a good area and closer to the station than some of the other places we’d looked at – and another in west Oxford, off the Botley Road.  We should hear something from the agent on Monday.  There was another property in Headington we liked, but we missed out on that one.”  
  
“And if you don’t like either of the other two?”  
  
“We’ll look again.”  James answered.  “There’s still a few months left on the lease here, and the agent and landlord are happy for me to stay on month to month, as long as I give two full calendar months’ notice of my intention to move, so we can take our time, find the right place.”  
  
“And with our mortgage agreed in principle and no property chain on our part, we’re preferred buyers, so that will make a big difference when we do find ‘it’,” Robbie added.  
  
“Mortgage agreed in principle?”  Tim looked from one to the other as Lyn stared at her Dad.  “You’re buying?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Oh, my God, Dad.  That’s... I’m so happy for you.  You’re going to have a proper home again, at last.”  Lyn’s eyes were bright.  
  
Tim cleared his throat lightly.  “Forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn, but since you’re buying, it may be worth your while to consider a civil partnership.  We had a client recently who... lost her long-term partner.  Had they entered into a civil partnership, would have saved her a lot of distress, and not just financial.  I appreciate it’s not the most romantic thing to consider.”  
  
Robbie flicked a glance at James who shrugged as if to say, ‘might as well’.  Robbie answered with a slight nod.  
  
“James and I... we _have_ talked about me making a ‘honest man’ out of him, as you put it earlier.  We haven’t set a date or made any concrete plans as yet, but you’ll be one of the first to know when we do.”  
  
Far from the delighted reaction he’d expected, Lyn’s expression was grave.   
  
“Is something the matter, love?”  
  
“Have you chosen to do that _solely_ because you’re planning on buying a house?”  
  
“No.  Whether we’d chosen to rent or buy, formalising our relationship was always on the table.  I wanted to wait until we could get married, but James pointed out we could still have a hell of a wait for that.  With him back in CID, and the risks involved there – and life in general – James wanted to ensure our rights were protected... just in case.  So we’re planning a small civil partnership and then, if it’s possible, we’ll get married some day.”  
  
Lyn’s face lit up as the deep lines disappeared and her bright smile shone.  “Good.  I hoped that was what you were going to say.”  
  
Lyn and Robbie chatted further about houses and future plans, while Tim and James listened.   
  
It was plain to Robbie that Lyn had something on her mind and was uncertain how to bring it up.  On several occasions she’d appeared to be preparing to ask a question and had stopped with a frown.  
  
“What’s on your mind, Lyn, love?”  She blinked at him.  “I know you too well, so don’t try and tell me there’s nothing,” he said kindly.  
  
She took a deep breath.  “All this talk of houses, and partnerships and weddings – I’m wondering who else knows about you and James?”  
  
“Lyn!” Tim whispered sternly, nudging her with his elbow  
  
“It’s okay, Tim.”  Robbie hurriedly reassured him.  “Apart from you, Laura, Innocent and Peterson, no-one else as yet.”  
  
“Are you going to make some sort of announcement, or simply let it filter out as people guess and ask you?”  
  
Robbie looked to James, who nodded and smiled.  
  
“It all depends on how me retirement do goes.  If it looks like it might be the right time, then we’ll make some sort of announcement.  If not, then we’ll give it a bit more thought.”  
  
Lyn’s eyes widened comically.  “Your retirement do?  A room full of coppers?  James’s colleagues?”  
  
“Would you rather I took out a notice in the Oxford Mail?”  
  
“Dad,” she huffed, and studied them both intently.  “I suppose it would be the quickest way to get the news around – announcing it at your retirement, that is, not in the bloody Mail.”  
  
“And hopefully it would go a long way towards stopping the rumour mill before it begins,” James intoned.

 


	28. Chapter 28

The original plan to hold Robbie’s retirement party in the canteen was scrapped when it was determined it simply wouldn’t be big enough.  Instead, arrangements were made to use a large function room at a nearby hotel.  It was a bigger affair than Robbie would have liked, had it been up to him, but he acknowledged that he’d been at the station a long time, and had worked with a large number of people.  He was touched by the huge turn-out, though, as he looked around the room, there were a few people he suspected had attended ‘under orders’.  He moved around from small group to small group, with Lyn by his side, engaging easily with people, thanking them for being there, and sharing stories.  He was aware of James and Tim close by, keeping each other company and avoiding unnecessary small talk.  A few of the senior officers, many of whom had been at the station almost as long as Robbie, recognised Lyn and took the time to speak to her.  It took some of the attention off him, which Robbie didn’t mind at all.  
  
Innocent and James approached Robbie at the same time.  James brought him another beer, while Innocent came to make Laura's apologies.   
  
“Poor Laura can’t take a trick.  She wasn’t due back in until Monday, but there’s been an outbreak of gastroenteritis in pathology so she was asked if she could come in today instead, and what does she get?  A trio of suspicious deaths in a nursing home.”   
  
Robbie could imagine the sentiments Laura would have muttered, and also knew she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  Like him, uncovering the truth brought her great satisfaction.  
  
“That’s a pity.”  He raised his voice to be heard over the increasing murmur of voices, laughter and music.  “I had hoped she’d be here tonight.  She said she was going to try.”  
  
“Oh, I know she'll be here at some stage – she told me she would meet me here.  We’re going to the opening of that new supper club off the Broad at ten tonight.  I suppose you could say Laura’s my date for the evening.  Mr Innocent’s on a business trip.”  She paused and slipped her hand around Robbie’s elbow.  “I was so pleased to hear you two had met and talked things through.  It must be a relief for both of you.”  She nodded towards James, who was now standing with Lyn and Tim.  “God, James really hates social gatherings, doesn’t he?”  
  
Robbie chuckled.  “They’re not his favourite way to pass an evening.  I’m sure he’s hoping for a call-out.  At least he’s got company.  Tim – that’s Lyn’s partner – he’s much the same.”  
  
“Once the Chief Constable arrives we’ll get the speeches and any other formal business out of the way, then you can all relax and really enjoy your evening.  Who’s driving tonight?”  She nodded at the drink in his hand.  
  
“Our Lyn’s volunteered.  She and Tim drove down so they have their car – I had to hand my keys in this afternoon.”  
  
“Fair enough.  I’ll let you get back to your ‘rounds’.”  Innocent squeezed his elbow and weaved her way through the crowd towards the door.  
   
It was at least another half hour before the Chief Constable arrived.  Innocent had insisted that the formalities be dispensed with as expediently as possible, stipulating speeches of no longer than two minutes.  Robbie was brought onto the small raised platform, along with the Chief Constable and Innocent, both of whom spoke to Robbie's remarkable career as Robbie fidgeted uncomfortably beside them.  He’d never liked being the centre of attention.  The Chief Constable reminisced about Robbie’s early career, having first met him when he was Morse’s bagman, and completely ignored the two minute limit.  Robbie was certain he could see Innocent’s blood pressure rising.  For her part, Innocent spoke of how she had been ready to consign Robbie to a training post on his first day back, how grateful she was that he’d proved her wrong, and she thanked him for the invaluable skills and knowledge he had passed on to both junior and senior officers.  It also fell on Innocent to present Robbie with his farewell gift.  James’s influence was unmistakable in the choice of a new spade, with a very large, bright green bow, and a Homebase voucher. “For the allotment, so I'm told,” she remarked as she took it from Julie and passed it to Robbie.  
  
There was an air of hushed expectation when James unexpectedly stepped onto the platform and up to the microphone.  
  
Robbie took a step closer to James.  There was no doubt he was nervous.  It wasn’t the public speaking aspect; James was quite skilled in that area, and could talk the head off a penny in the right situation.  Were this anyone else’s retirement or farewell, or if he was going to speak only of Robbie’s career, Robbie was certain James would deliver a fine, carefully constructed speech.  He’d given Robbie no indication that he planned to say anything tonight, nor would Robbie have asked or expected him to.  James was an intensely private person and his demeanour indicated that what he was planning to say was deeply personal.  However, he was also not an impulsive person – he had possibly been considering this moment for days.  Robbie, along with everyone else, waited as James prepared himself.  It felt like minutes, but it was probably no more than a second or two.  
  
“When Inspector Lewis returned to Oxford, I was on the verge of leaving.  I’d never truly found my feet in the two years I’d been here, and believed I’d made a poor choice in becoming a police officer.  I felt like a failure – again.  Then... fate, if you want to call it that, intervened, when Chief Superintendent Innocent sent me to collect Inspector Lewis from the airport.  I didn’t know it then, but I was to find a purpose, a place, and myself.  I’ve learnt a great deal in the years since then, and not just about being a detective.  I’ve learnt about kindness and tolerance, about living rather than simply getting through each day, about endurance.  Most importantly, I learnt to like myself, to see myself as a person of worth.  Then, several months back, I found myself on the verge of resigning because, despite all that, I’d lost my way and hated the person I was becoming.  Inspector Lewis – Robbie – saved me from myself again.  Now he’s retiring and I’m still here, with no plans to leave in the foreseeable future.  This is the part where I’m supposed to say I’ll miss the Inspector, but I won’t.  He’s my dearest friend, and I will still have the joy of seeing him every day.”  With that, James turned to Robbie and hugged him – a fierce, strong hug.  
  
It brought the loudest applause but, as James and Robbie separated, and Robbie glanced out across the room over James’s shoulder, it was clear that a number of people had expected something more.  Robbie smiled fondly at James and hugged him again.   
  
They stood in a small group just behind the platform – Robbie, James, Lyn, Tim and Innocent – and watched the gathering as it shifted and changed.  Those who were there from a ‘sense of duty’ disappeared first, and others soon drifted away, some saying personal farewells, some waving from the door as they left, others simply vanishing.   
  
By the time Laura appeared, obviously having been home to clean up and dress for occasion, the thirty or so people left were, for the most part, those Robbie had worked closest with over the years and had a lot of time for.  As numbers had dwindled, those remaining had migrated closer to the bar, the steady buzz of conversation and laughter creating a feeling of warmth, slowly lulling Robbie.  Peterson joined them, bringing fresh drinks, as Innocent walked over to greet Laura.  Arm in arm, smiling happily, she led Laura toward the gathering.  With a grin, Robbie looked at James and nodded his head in the direction of the approaching ladies.  Laura separated herself from Innocent, first greeting Robbie, then James, with a small kiss on the cheek, before reattaching herself to Innocent.  
  
“You look… cosy,” Peterson remarked.  
  
Laura smiled knowingly.  “I thought I'd try my hand at being Jean’s other half for while – her society calendar is far more active than mine.”  Robbie looked at her curiously, raising his eyebrows.  “Well, Jean can’t very well ask you to stand in for Mr Innocent anymore, can she?”  
  
A visibly inebriated Hooper was attempting to step carefully around Innocent and Laura, and stopped abruptly at Laura’s words.  He placed a hand on Laura’s arm to steady himself and slowly looked Robbie up and down.  “I’d’ve thought with the 'spector retired he’d be a perfick can'idate – no chance of 'im skippin' out cos f'a case...  ...  ma’am.”  
  
As Laura firmly but gently removed Hooper’s hand, and Peterson quickly found a chair for him to sit on before he fell, Robbie looked around the assembled group, casting his gaze over those he would genuinely miss interacting with, before focusing on those who were most important to him.  Firstly Innocent, whose eyes both dared and encouraged him; at Laura, who smiled gently; then Lyn, who beamed at him, a single tear escaping and racing down her cheek.  Finally he looked at James, who stood straight and tall, and took hold of his hand, linking their fingers together.  Robbie watched as Hooper’s gaze dropped between him and James, his head tilting to one side as a confused frown formed.  Robbie was aware the room was growing quieter.  
  
Though he kept his voice low, Robbie was loud enough to be heard by all those nearby.  “What the good doctor is alluding to, constable, is the fact that I’m spoken for, and therefore no longer available to be the Chief Super’s ‘date’.”  
  
Hooper looked up, at Robbie, then Laura, then James.  Though his own gaze was fixed on Hooper, Robbie could feel the eyes of many on him, and also James, no doubt.   
  
He turned to James, one hand cradling his cheek, the other dropping James’s hand and coming to rest against his hip.  With a confident smile, he rose up to meet James’s lips and kissed him.  James returned his kiss without hesitation, his hands gliding around Robbie’s waist as he did so.  
  
For a moment, it would have been possible to believe everyone in the room had stopped breathing, so sudden and complete was the silence.  
  
Softly, beginning with scattered voices, the murmur of congratulations slowly grew around them.

 

~~o0o~~

**Author's Note:**

> While I was happy (read 'dissolved into a puddle of happy/sad feels') with the way series seven ended, my heart kept telling me that Robbie should be with James. This is the story hinted at in _[In Sickness and In Health](http://archiveofourown.org/works/790229)_
> 
> This story takes place before the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill received Royal Assent on 17 July 2013, and well before the first expected unions (estimated to occur in the Summer of 2014 once processes and forms are in place).


End file.
